I have been reading, again, the book written by Dr. John Gray, entitled, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". It's good to be reminded of what I need work on and what my guy and I can work on together. But it also has good ideas for topics on this blog! :)
On page 146 it states, "The secret of empowering a man is never to try to change him or improve him." and then on the next page 147 it continues, "The best way to help a man grow is to let go of trying to change him in any way."
This is the core reason I feel that we have ever argued. I expect him to do one thing knowing that it wasn't him, knowing that I wanted it to be HIM, but I knew that it ultimately WASN'T. Do you understand?
For example, my guy hates to sell things. HATES IT. Yet, when I wanted to get rid of our first vehicle to get another one I told him that we could just sell it and then go look for another car for me. He said, "You are going to have to sell it because I don't like doing that, it makes me feel uncomfortable". I told him, "No worries baby, I'll do all the talking, I just need you to stand behind me for support when they come to test drive and ask questions." Yet in my mind I was thinking, he's the guy, he'll naturally just take over the sell because the people will want to talk with him! Sure he'll feel uncomfortable for a bit, but once he gets going he'll be all good.
I was trying to change him, help him to step out of his comfort zone.
When time came to sell the car I forced him to talk to the people and we argued about it later. Him telling me NOT to put him in that situation again!
So what do you guys think? Do you think this is true? Or do you think that helping your partner try things that make them uncomfortable might actually be good for them maybe even make them better as a person? Guys what do you think? Is this a true statement?
1 year ago