Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Group Therapy-Does weight effect a relationship?

Welcome to Group Therapy

Do you think the weight of your partner, gain weight or lose weight, effects the relationship. If so, how? Does it effect women or men more? What do you think?

Feel free to comment anonymously and comment on other peoples comments. It is okay to have a discussion! Follow comments if you want to know what everyone else is saying.

If you have any topics or questions for Wednesday Group Therapy send them in to blokthoughts@gmail.com.

13 comments:

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I think it does. I think in some ways it can disgust a partner if the gain TOO much weight or if they lose to much. As much as everyone wants to ignore physical appearance as not mattering, that it is the personality that does...I don't fully believe that.

I believe that physical appearance does a lot for someone's sexual drive.

I know that for me, if I don't feel sexy about myself because of weight gain it completely effects my relationship.

But I've asked my husband this question and he says he doesn't care and I say, "Well what if I was like say...300 lbs? Would you care then". When he's being honest with me he will say, "Well yea, it probably would"

Physical appearance has some effect, no matter how much we want to say it doesn't.

Is there exceptions? Sure...but I would say the majority are flawed humans like me and someones weight gain or even for some WEIGHT LOSS (some like their men or women big) they lose their appeal physically for their partner.

What say ye guys??? :)

WannabeVirginia W. said...

There are reasons why both men and women gain weight in a relationship. For some, it is the sheer contentment of being in a relationship that we get comfortable and develop a lifestyle of dining out. For others there is looming trouble in a relationship and mostly women and I have also heard of men use food as a way to comfort themselves. Ahem! For some their relationship is grounded in sex, lust and therefore goes along with that is the ideal body image of a man and woman. So if that ideal body image where the lust, sex and physical attraction originated from is no longer there (the man and woman got fat) then the attraction wanes, the sex goes out the window and so does the relationship. For those who are truly into their partner because of who they are as an individual and what they become when they are with their partner then weight should not be a huge issue. Having said this, being 120 lbs and blowing up to 200 lbs might slightly (sarcasm) affect the relationship. So, my answer is it depends on where the relationship is grounded in.

I have also seen couples where one is smoking hot and the other is wtf? and they are more in love than ever - Just sayin'

Anonymous said...

My confidence in or self-conciousness of my body image at any given time affects the relationship in terms of initiating sex. (goes both ways depending on how I feel about myself) I haven't had huge fluctuations in weight, but a small gain can result in a negative self-image for me. My partner has gained/lost weight at times, but not so much that it affected our relationship from my perspective.

Anonymous said...

After getting married my husband got really comfortable and put on almost 50 lbs in 3 years. After being overweight for several years now he has decided to get active and take it off, he has lost 30 lbs so far and it has helped out our relationship a ton in the bedroom department. He says he is more confident now...so I guess it goes both ways for men and women, their confidence in their body affects the relationship.
I'll admit, I'm shallow...because it's helped me out too :)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I think even a relationship grounded on other things then lust it still effects a relationship whether it is the person who hates what their body looks like or if it's the person not feeling attracted to their partner because of their physical appearance...I think it's a gradual disturbance, like what ANON 2 said, she really didn't see the effect it had on their sex life until he lost the weight and all of a sudden they became more active sexually because she enjoys what the effect of his weight loss has done to his appearance.

Intimacy is very very important to a relationship because it is a form of communication and there is a connection that just can't happen any other way...so if your sex life suffers so does your relationship :)

In my humble opinion! :)

Anonymous said...

Maybe this is harsh to ask, but can indifference to a large weight gain be interpreted to mean that one doesn't care about the effects on the relationship?

Southern Sage said...

Well here is how I see it. I know that my brides weight affects her sex drive.

I really could care less. Now I married her and she was a buck twenty so if she was three dollars it would prolly matter. The softness in her belly around the c-sec scars means abso-damn-lutely nothing to me. He breasts not being perky, I don';t care any at all.

I really and truly don't.

I get that the latest superstar that is a size 1 is hot, but that doesnt make a difference to me. It just means shes young and doesn't know shit. I ain't hatin on size 1 chicks cause even tho the size 12 chicks hate on em a lot of them struggle to gain weight.

I do think that big changes could be a problem. I am just so happy I am the hotness no matter what weight I am.

True story, I get way more attention now 4-60 pounds overweight than I did at my fighting weight. Thats true. I dunno why.

I guess being born beautiful knows no scales.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

That's a really good question Anon 3. I don't know any real scientific answers...but in a way, very subtle way, yes I think it CAN mean that...or like WV said above it can mean they are just content comfortable in their relationship.

But hmmm...good twist with that question. I don't think they don't care intentionally if that makes sense?

Chief said...

when both couples are aft though, I think they hide behind each other. As long as he stays over weight then Im ok. if her starts losing, does that mean I have to?

Becky said...

I don't care what he weighs but I want us to both be able to be active and enjoying things together. We both love to bike (tandem), hike, walk, etc together and so for me it is much more about that than a certain size.

Anonymous said...

Give a fool enough rope and he will hang himself........................................

Momma Sunshine said...

Yeah, I think that a partner's weight can affect the relationship. I've put on a few pounds since my man and I got back together in May, and while he doesn't care, and still tells me that I'm beautiful, it affects how I feel about myself...and that has a negative impact on our relationship, particularly the sexual side of things.

I think that there reaches a point in weight gain (and even weight loss) when it would affect how attracted I was to my partner. Obviously I would love him no matter what, but if he gained a huge amount of weight, I can honestly say that it would probably affect my level of attraction to him. Not to mention the health repercussions...I would be extremely worried about his health if he gained (or lost) too much....

Alex said...

I think it depends entirely on what the other person finds attractive. If the weight gain or loss gets to the point that your spouse is no longer physically attracted to you, than there is most definitely a problem.

After having my daughter, I gained weight. However, I actually look healthy now and I am still in the normal BMI range for my age and height (according to my doctor). My husband loves the way I look. He doesn't want me to lose weight as a matter of fact.

My husband has gained quite a bit of weight since our marriage. However, I am still physically attracted to him. I actually prefer a man with some added weight. I like the belly lol. I married my husband when he had one. However, and I have told him this, if he gains more weight, I will not be attracted to him any longer. He's at that point that I still love his looks, but it's pushing the limit.

As for whether it effects men or women more ... I think, in general, women are more "forgiving" of weight gain. We, in general, are attracted first to our spouses minds and hearts and then to their looks. So some changes in the looks isn't a big deal, for the most part. I think, in general, men hold physical appearance pretty high on the list. Now, there are always exceptions to this lol. But this is strictly from my experience.

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