Do I like sharing a bathroom with my spouse? Seriously…? That’s like asking if I like getting kicked in the nuts? No…no I do not. If I had enough money to make it possible that my house had a he and a she bathroom – it would be done by now.
To set the stage, I live in a three-bedroom, one-bath house with my wife and our adoring, perfectly well-behaved devil children (ages 5 & 7). Our last house was a four-bedroom, two-and-a-half bath house. Yeah…talk about a downgrade.
The kids sharing the bathroom – I can handle that. Worst part is cleaning my sons piss off the toilet seat cause he’s too lazy to lift 2 things before unleashing his stream. But the wifey....let me count the ways she drives me nuts….
1) The Bow-Tie Toothpaste
I’ll never for the life of me understand why she can’t push the toothpaste from the bottom? Why? Every morning and night, the toothpaste container looks like a bowtie – fat on both sides, tight in the middle.
2) Here’s your 1 inch of cabinet space honey!
We have a Walgreens in our freakin’ bathroom and it takes up every inch of shelf space but one. It’s so packed, that EVERY morning when I get my deodorant or hair gel out, I inevitably knock one of her products out by accident.
3) Loofahs loofahs everywhere a loofah!!!
I am convinced this woman has a loofah for every significant part of her body, as well as back-up loofahs in case one goes on the fritz or, God forbid, touch one of my bodyparts. If only she knew what I did with the loofahs when I take a shower.
4) Where in the name of hell is my freakin’ towel?!!
This one really makes me batty. My lovely and talented bride goes to the linen closet, gets herself a fresh towel, takes a shower, gets out of the shower and wraps her gorgeous body with said towel. But she doesn’t stop there cause her flowing hair is wet. So she grabs MY freakin’ towel to dry it off with and never replaces it. So to recap…goes to linen closet – gets 1 towel, not 2 – uses mine for her beautiful hair – doesn’t replace it. Leaving me, hours later, naked and soaking wet to hunt for a new towel.
5) Replace the toilet paper roll? Why…you always do it..
That must be what goes through her mind because I can’t figure out any other reason. But it never fails….the few times I don’t look before sitting, I usually end up stranded and screaming for one of the kids to come hook a brother up.
So I guess five….five things drive me nuts about sharing a bathroom with the wifey. There’s no lacey panties laying around. Hand written notes to me saying how much she wishes she could take a shower with me. No sexy messages written on the fogged-up mirror. None of that. Just five…wonderful….amazing bathroom gifts that make me love her more and more every day.
1 year ago