Friday, May 28, 2010

And That's When The Fight Started...

Joke #1:

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....


A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's when the fight started....

Joke #3:

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silverhair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And that's when the fight started....


A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was

sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of

the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance,

trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in

his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate

enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute, ' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all

eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply?

'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ' Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'

LOL--That was funny! :)

Everyone have a good Memorial Weekend!


BabyMan said...

Number 3 is NOT...N-O-T...NOT funny (lol)

heelsnstocking said...

had me chuckling over here!

The Bare Essentials Today said...

LMAO! Those were great!

Happy Memorial day weekend!

Playfully Yours said...

Those were really funny.

Garden of Egan said...

That was about the best thing of the day!
I loved the Satan one. I wonder if my hubs thinks he's been married to Satan's sister? Hmmmmmm

Chief said...

Laugh out loud!

I loved the 2nd one!