Monday, May 10, 2010

My spouse has changed since we got married...is that good or bad?

This is an interesting topic and I wanted it because of how I viewed things growing up...and I get to share that with you.

When I was young and naive, I thought that people change because they got married; as if they went through some sort of metamorphosis, just like caterpillars becoming butterflies. As I got older, I changed that to "they change because they were made to do so".

And now that I got to experience firsthand of marriage? It's a bit of both with a heaping of love and a dash of adjustment. I thought it would be hard to adjust to the idea of being married to someone. I had it almost right..."being married to someone", but I learned it was more like "being married to someone who has own ideas and beliefs".

My wife has changed since we got married, and so have I. We changed with the times, with the arrival of our first child, second child, jobs, and everything in between. To answer the question, I must say "Both good and bad". Adjusting to each other was hard but nothing beats surprises like learning about your wife's fondness for "Superman" movie. ;)

She changed through love and sacrifices and so did I. Mutually benefitted each other. Worked against each other. Who said being married is easy? We both know that we must work on our marriage all the time and if we must change, then we change. For better or for worse.

6 comments:

CaJoh said...

One of the things that we tend to forget is that we are constantly changing. One would think that some people change dramatically when they get married. Some do, and others do not. Some are still the same person on the inside, they just have someone that they share their life with. If that is a change for good, it is up to the individual to decide.

Thanks for sharing,

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Awesome DCHY! I agree. It's okay to change and it would be unnatural if someone didn't I would think! :).

The key is to grow and change with them, to spend time with jusdt them so you adjust to the new things about them so that one day you don't wake up and want out of the relationship because "you just don't know who they are anymore".

615sWife said...

I got married when I was 19 I was young and stupid. We spent our first year of being married fighting and trying to really get to know each other. There was a lot of "why did we get married" or " I am done" fights. Then we finely figured things out. I am now 25 and a mother and he is a police officer and we both have change 100%, We are adults now!
We both look at the world in a differnet light and we do things different. It was hard for me at first to go threw all of the changes and I was trying to hold him back as well and we started with fights and I felt like we a young married couple again trying to figure each other. I look at my husband in different way now and your are right I love learning the new things about him and there are things he does that I just cant stand!
We have only been married for 6 years and I am praying I can handle more change threw the rest of our lives!

Southern Sage said...

I think with the extended courtship pre-marriage, plus contract helped me (I don't know about her, but she claims I still act EXACTLY like I did when I was 16, when we started courting)

Of course people have to change with kids unless they want to suck as parents. Change is expected I reckon, well by people who think before they act.

heelsnstocking said...

we have both changed unfortunately its against us now. we have grown apart. I was 16 when I met him.

My parents said id out grow him, we married when I was 21 and by the time I hit 28 my parents where right. BUT.... I have no regrets as we have managed to raise two wonderful children togther and that is just amazing stuff.

The only thing constant is change... its how we adapt x

DCHY said...

Cajoh - sometimes the changes cannot be perceived. However, you are right about the "we must change" part.

Shelle - sometimes the reason why you don't know the person anymore is you stopped noticing.

615swife - it's too bad we gain wisdom later on instead of getting it early. ;)

Sage - I knew my wife only 3 months before she moved in and she proposed 2 months later. Some people do advocate longer courtships and I don't have a problem with that. My wife just couldn't wait. LOL

HNS - Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment. That's how we all learn.

WE BELONG