Better Left Unsaid

Arguing is my full-time job. We call it our "craft" and hone our abilities to a finely sharpened sword. I can chest thump and posture as well as any male attorney - and often have to do it louder and harder to overcome my long hair, breasts and lack of male genitalia.

It's a challenge to turn that side of my personality off. Harder still is that hubby is also a litigator. And when two people who get paid to argue turn those skills on each other, watch out!

My horoscope yesterday said that I need to work on finding a sensor between what I think and what I say. Well...no kidding! There's no greater place I need to fight for that sensor button than in my relationship.

With little things, it's no problem. Like when I gave our son a cupcake for breakfast yesterday morning as a reward for his using the potty. Before I knew it, my finger was at my lips, "Shhh...this will be our little secret, honey. Daddy doesn't need to know you ate frosting for breakfast."

For a long time, I also didn't tell hubby about my blog. I wasn't hiding it from him, per se. It never came up in conversation and I liked having my own little slice of cyberspace where I could write ANYTHING I wanted. I didn't want to have to censor myself because family could be lurking out there reading my stuff, giving me free reign to bitch about hubby or my in-laws if the mood struck.

Larger things are tougher to keep in. I'm not talking the "honey, I went out and dropped a grand on things we don't need while we're supposed to be saving for a house" stuff. Or "whoops! I bounced the mortgage payment this month."

I'm also not talking about little white lies. When I was pregnant and big as a house, I'm glad he said I was beautiful. He could have told me (accurately) that I looked rather...bovine. I return the favor by not pointing out that his tie clashes with his shirt and he shouldn't be wearing his brown shoes with the black pants on a day he took extra care with his appearance.

I mean things like "I hate your mother."

Those words never should have escaped my lips. Come to think of it, neither should "If you think that woman is going to be alone with our son ever again, it'll be over my dead body."

The gory details which led up to those statements don't really matter and I make no apologies for feeling that way. I still maintain that I was right and she was dead wrong. Despite that, I could have handled the situation better and didn't need to make a public spectacle of things.

But the part I feel badly about is that he didn't have to know. As pissed off as I was, hubby could have remained blissfully ignorant - or willfully blind. He didn't have to be made to feel like he had to choose between his wife and mother.

I probably deserved it when he told me if I couldn't get over his mom being in our son's life it was over. Did he mean it? I don't really want to find out. I kind of wish he kept THAT one to himself.

Should there be open communication in a marriage? Absolutely! Should you tell your spouse every little thing? I say HELL NO!

Think about it. Do you really want to know all the dark thoughts lurking in the recesses of your partner's head?

I sure don't. What I don't know, can't hurt me...

Jaime  --Has also posted for us HERE