What Makes a Man Tick?

I have really enjoyed this weeks discussion on compatibility. It has made me do a little self reflecting into my own marriage and I've decided that even if you're not completely compatible with your spouse, as long as there is love and commitment a marriage can still work beautifully.

As long as a woman understands what makes a man tick.

My husband is in the medical field, but he also teaches a marriage and pregnancy health class every at the university nearby, which means he likes to pat the kids on the back and ask questions like, "How are you with this stage of the family life cycle? Are you satisfied?" and the kids reply, "Yes, dad, our physical, social, emotional, intellectual and moral needs are being met, but thanks for asking."

One of the activities he likes to do in class is split into groups--the marrieds and the singles-- and facilitate a lively discussion to determine what they perceive as the #1 perk of being married.

Surprisingly, (or maybe not) the females all overwhelmingly agree it was companionship.

But guess what the males unanimously agree is thee best thing about being married . . . Financial security.

Financial security?

HUH??!? I thought for sure it would be a three letter word.

Apparently the males explained that marriage brings two incomes to the table and you can get better paying jobs when you're married because it looks better on your resume.

First they want our bodies and now they're using us for our money?

Does anyone else think this is backwards? Aren't we using them for their money?

Talk amongst yourselves.  

The Crash Test Dummy

Question for today is: Is it important for you to live near family or pre-established friends?

Always have a plan

I'm a planner. I like to plan ahead my day, weeks, months. I like to make lists of stuff to do. You should see me make a list if we are taking a trip!

You may remember that I am in the middle of a remodel on our kitchen.

HELLO! Decisions! Everywhere.

Lot's of planning to do. Where should we put the stove? How should we position the cabinets? Should we knock out that wall? What about counters? What color and style? Don't forget about the floors either!

This is where the sticky part comes in. I like to PLAN. That means, I like to go to the counter/floor/paint place and see what they have. I want to look around and see some different styles.

I never thought it would be so stressful.

I DO love shopping! Even if it's just window style. :) It's hubby that is making it stressful. Hubby is more of a last minute person. Hubby wants to wait until the day before it's time to put it all in and just go pick something out.

What if we pick something that we hate or looks horrible after we get it in? One time he relented and agreed to just go look with me. He even took me out to dinner. It was Zips, but we were all by ourselves so it counts right? We looked at counter top samples.

I picked out one I kind of liked. He didn't.

He found some flooring he liked. I didn't.

How did this become so hard? I want to keep looking but he thinks I am just crazy. We are not at that stage yet so why bother? UGH! I want to beam him with a granite sample. Because dear, dear, hubby I need to plan and see what there is to choose from so when the time does come, I can be ready. With a plan.

Question for today is: If your income were drastically reduced, what luxuries would you give up?

Valerie

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

I have a wonderful time reading all these Compatibility posts. I especially love Daddy Geek Boy's post because it sounded like something I could have written about me and my hub, he was like my hubby in someways and I was like his wife in someways...

Today I thought I'd share a couple of my favorites about the difference between men and women. After reading this post that Shelle wrote a while back, I've decided to do this post I'm doing today. There have already been several very interesting compatibility posts that are extremely wonderful and I would like to add a little something of mine to it. The two points I listed below are a couple of my favorite on the difference between men and women.

Here goes.....

Men have a certain amount of words that they have to use a day, way way less than the women. (I've test this out so I actually believe this one.) So when they use up said amount, no amount of coaxing or bribery would get them to talk..lol. Since majority of men work outside the home, they've spent most of that time either talking to their co-workers, clients, bosses or whoever and by the time they get home, they're all talked out and the women, who's home all day, talking to kids all day is dying to have some adult conversation {and even if you're a woman who works outside the home, talking all day at work is probably just scratching the surface of your word limit}.

Here's an example:
Hubby comes home from work...wife greets him at the door for her usual welcome kiss.

Wife: Hi hon.
Hub: Hi
Wife: How was your day?
Hub: Fine..
Wife: I had a great(or aweful) day today and you would never guess what (insert kid name) did today. She/he did the most amazing thing (or you can point out a negative thing the kid did) today.......
{Wife then proceeds to list the million amazing (awful) things kid did.
Wife: You hungry? I made _______ for dinner and it's a new recipe, I hope you're gonna love it.

Hubby's walking toward the bedroom while the wife is relating about her day, (who she saw that day that the hubby would never guess), to change out of work clothes and so forth. He then comes back to the dinner table and dinner was served and wife is still going hundred mph on her day, what bargain she found at the store, what the teacher said about the kid. And the whole time, hubby is not saying anything.

And whenever wife pause to ask a question to the hubby, his answers are usually a one syllable word and then wife takes over again, this time catch hubby up on the latest neighborhood gossip.
I'm sure sometimes this can be a really good conversation if the woman just want to get things off her chest but if it is the kind of conversation where the wife wants feedback, it can be a very messy one cuz the wife will definitely walk away that night huffing and feeling hurt and sure enough the hubby will be denied his ambrosia, so to speak.

So ladies, if you ever get caught in this situation, catch them in the morning. They will definitely talk your ears off...lol, and of course now would be the perfect time to join a woman's group.

Another example that I find interesting is that women have the ability to multi-task whereas men, they can only focus on one task at a time. Check out this post. There's a diagram on there so focus on that diagram for a little while reading this. On that diagram, if a man was sent to the store (mall) to buy something, he goes straight to the store, buys the item which takes him about 6 to 10 minutes and comes straight home and which will probably take him no more than an hour(or more) depending on the distance.

If a woman were to run the same errand, that could actually take up the whole day..why? Because along the way, she remembers she needs to drop off or pick something up from so and so's house and of course it's very rude to just pop in and out so she does a little chit chat to catch up on things, then on the way, she might see something that catches her attention on the side of the road and gets out to admire it and I'm not even going to cover the time she gets to the store...if it's a mall, why of course she needs to check out her favorite shops so she can check out their deals and while she's at a certain store, she remembers there's a b-day coming up for one of the kids' friends so she has to go to a gift shop and so on. By the time she's done with her shopping errand, she's probably covered at least three different errands along the way.

I find these two little tidbit to be very fascinating for me because even though I'd like to think that I'm the exception to this norm, I find it's not so, I fit in there perfectly. And you know something, I actually like it, I like that my hubby is so much different than I am, because these are minor things and to me, it actually adds something to the marriage. As long as we are striving for the same goals about our family, I'm perfectly ok with a little incompatibility.

Let's see how many of you guys can contradict me on these and how many of you gals can back me up or vice versa. I dare ya!! LOL

Question for today is: How often would you like to have sexual relations? Answer for yourself and how it is compatible or not compatible with your spouse.

On Compatibility

When I asked my wife if she thought we were compatible, she said simply, “We are. We shouldn’t be, but we are.”

WonderWife™ and I are two vastly different people. She’s a self-proclaimed country girl, who grew up riding horses and would love nothing better than to settle into a nice cottage in the middle of nowhere. I am a city boy, who is afraid of riding horses and would go crazy if I didn’t at least have a multiplex theater and a bar within a 5 mile radius. She is messy. I am neat. She doesn’t like dishes left in the sink. I often leave my dishes in the sink.

A few years ago, I went through a period where I was upset at the differences between my wife and myself. I questioned how such a disjointed union could truly work. I wondered why my heart would let me pick a mate who has little to no interest in most of the things that I love the most. How could we be compatible if we’re so different?

It took some time but I came to realize that compatibility isn’t about liking the same things. It’s about the ease of co-existence and co-habitation. It’s about being able to make the important decisions together, like what color to paint the walls of the living room or how to raise your kids so that they don’t become assholes.

For all of our differences, WonderWife™ and I are extremely compatible. We make excellent decisions together. We remodeled an entire house together without a single fight. And she was pregnant! We work so well together because we agree on a few fundamental things: how to raise our kids, how to spend our money, what to feed ourselves, and that most anything on the Food Network is worth watching (except for that cocky bastard Emeril).

I knew that WonderWife™ and I were compatible because we lived together before we got married. Believe it or not, I used to be an old fashioned guy and bought into the romantic notion that at the very least, you live together after you get engaged. My opinion changed quickly after I lived with and was engaged to a woman with whom I was absolutely not compatible. It only took nine months before the fissures in that relationship broke through to the surface and it became apparent that she was my polar opposite in every way.

You want to know if you're truly compatible with somebody? Live with them for a year. When you live with somebody, you can't hide yourself. When you come home from vacation, you're still with each other. If you have a fight, you have no choice but to work it out. There are no neutral corners, no separate bedrooms. Live together. Love together. Talk about everything.

Sure there are times when WonderWife™ wishes I would stop making cheesy jokes. And there are times when I wish she would just sit down to watch Dark Knight with me on Blu-Ray (or even cared that we own a Blu-Ray player). But that doesn’t mean we view the whole wide world differently. We know where each other’s boundaries are, when to push buttons and when to compromise. This isn’t something we've had to work on. It's who we are as a couple.

Daddy Geek Boy

Here's the question for today: If you outlive your partner, how will you handle his/her death? Will you look for a new partner, a companion to live with, or new friends to fill your time?

THEME MONTH-Compatibility

On Real World this MONTH we are going to try and THEME every week.

This weeks theme will be: COMPATIBILITY

Meaning, I have asked the contributors to write posts specifically for a theme I give them.

It's a first come first serve basis. Whoever writes the posts and get them into me firsts gets the spots for that week!

They can be WHATEVER that contributor thought would go with the THEME. There are no boundaries.

So if we get 5 posts and they are all lists on how that couple's compatible and how they are NOT... that is cool, because I LOVE seeing differences and similarities in couples and just in different relationships in general.

Although, I'm sure we will get different perspectives on compatibility.

I just asked that they write about THEM and some type of relationship they are in.

At the end of EACH posts I will have a question and I'd like you guys as commenters to answer that question about you and your significant other! It should be FUN!

***There will be posts EVERYDAY this week EVEN on Saturday... but NOT Sunday. So make sure to stop by on Saturday for an AWESOME post you'll be happy you didn't miss! :)

When I think about compatibility I always thing of that game show THE NEWLY WEDS... I LOVED that show, sometimes they still have it on the GSN and I'll watch it... but that is what I think of when I hear compatibility.

So in honor of the theme... I wrangled my husband to answer some NEWLY WED game questions because I REALLY like you guys... I'm having to pay BIG TIME too... so you better be thankful!

I had fun doing the video... :) We honestly video'd this once... we had printed questions in front of us and just randomly read them and answered them. It was all impromptu.

The irritating question... we both came up with better answers AFTER we video'd

HIS: "You're ALWAYS late". TRUE STATEMENT.

MINE: "You're ALWAYS feelin me up! My chest and BUM!"

and here we are to finish...


Watch both vids... but if you only have time to watch 1... I love the second video, the shorter one... those questions are good.

My husband and I are SOOOOO incompatible... I honestly don't know how we make it work besides the fact that we are attracted to each other and we love the same religion!

But somehow it works! :)

Have fun this week. Remember to read comments... go ahead and comment on the post or other peoples comments. Have fun, relax, and make your voice heard!!!

These are questions from a compatibility test that I found HERE
that I will be asking for this week!

QUESTION: How important is love to a good marriage? Can two people, who are no longer in love, have a good marriage? Can two people, who are very much in love, have a bad marriage?

Love,

Shelle-BlokThoughts

Friday Night Date

I had a flash of inspiration when I was cleaning out the dresser in the playroom the other day. Or rather I happened upon a book that is full of great inspirations.  It's a book called The Little Black Book of Dating Ideas.  I've had it forever and a day but I started flipping through it (anything to avoid the chore I was doing) and I thought I might share some of the ideas from the book and some of my own Great Date Night ideas.

The nice part is that anyone married or single can use them to turn a boring night of What do you want to do?  No, What do you want to do? into a night of Let's do this! instead.

The book is organized into seven categories of dates.  For example Simple and Easy; Different and Free and Off the Wall to name a few.

Some of my favorites are:

• Spend an afternoon at a cafe people watching
• Stay out all night seaching for the best cup of coffee
• Visit a car dealership and test drive cars (or window shop on a day when the lots are closed)
• Play spy!  Pick someone to follow and see how close you can get without being noticed.  When they notice you eat at the closest restaurant.
• Write down names of surrounding towns on slips of paper and pick one from a bowl.  Spend the day exploring
• Dance on the beach and then go for a midnight swim

There are lots of other tips in this book with everything from romantic to group dates to a category labeled Money to Burn (wouldn't that be a fun one if it were true?)  The point is that just about anything can be a fun date and there are lots of great ideas.  

I'd would love to cram the comment box with your suggestions for great dates. Things you've done, things you wish you could do.  It can be from any time period of your life it doesn't have to be since you met your spouse.

What's the best date you've been on?  Where would you want your date to take you?

"It's easier to REPENT of the deed than to ask for PERMISSION"

Huh, what was that?

This is actually a saying that my friend came up with when we both found out that our hubbies seem to have the same annoying condescending authoritative habit of telling us what we need or DO NOT need.

For example, when my hubby and I are at a store shopping and we'll be pushing our cart along and I saw something that I know either I NEEDED or the kids NEEDED....I picked up said item and asked hubby if we can buy it or if he wasn't with me when I picked out the item, his automatic reflex would usually be he grabbed the item and put it back on the shelf or took out of the cart with the response,
"sorry, WE don't need this stuff".

Me, usually thinking, "hmmmp hello, of course WE don't need it but I need it...I wouldn't have put it in there in the first place if I don't need it. Just because you don't need it doesn't mean that I don't".

Most of the time I just kept quiet about it because I sooo did not want to cause a scene so what did I do? We go home, unload our car, the next day when he goes to work, I go back to the same store and buy the item.

So then the hubby finds out later that I'd gone back and bought the item he rejected, he usually go into some ranting and raving but there's not much he could do about it since I've bought it already and there was no way I am returning said item.

Interesting thing is I found out a few of my friends have the same problem...hubbies constantly shooting down the wives' suggested needed items at the store and they ended up retaliating the same way I do.

Because this happened so many times, I've reduced to just buying whatever it is I feel I needed that I know hubby would turn down and then let him know about it later. I was talking to my friend about this one day and she started laughing because that was the same thing she is dealing with too.

That's where title of this post come in place. I know some of you may think this is underhanded of me to do this but seriously..think about it. If that was you and every time you ask your hubby or tell him that you wanted to buy something and his answers are always ALWAYS, "no, we don't need it", what would you do? I'm sorry but I don't usually shop on a whim...I know perfectly well what our finance situation is and I am very careful when it comes to spending money. So when I said I need a certain item....I MOST CERTAINLY do need that item...notice I did not say WANT but NEED. His response of WE usually means that HE doesn't need it so if he doesn't need it, I do not need it, according to his logic.

So tell me ladies...your hubbies ever done this to you or have you ever done this to your hubbies? And if your answer is yes, what do you do about it? Do you find any truth to my post TITLE or you think that's a load of crap (lol)?