He Said She Said: Children and Media

Two of our contributors are asked to take opposing stances on an issue and present a case for their viewpoint. Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to elicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy!


TOPIC: Children and Media


Shelle Edit:  Disclaimer ;) -- The opinions expressed here are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Real World Venus vs. Mars site.

She Said:

I'm kind of strict when it come to my kids and their exposure to movies and television. When my oldest daughter was about three years old, my ex and I cut the cable and sold our t.v. We went hard core. No more television for us. Neither one of us owns a tv now that we're apart.

Of course, my girls still got to watch DVDs (of our choosing) on the computer, but we were very strict and limited it to no more than an hour a day.  Now that they're 5 and 7, I will show them tv episdoes of things like Spongebob and other age-appropriate programs. We will often have "movie night" when it's our Friday night together. |I will admit that they do love going to their grandmother's house to visit. She has a sattelite dish and I loosen up my "tv regulations" a fair bit. After all - it's a special thing they only get to do a few times a year. But honestly? I don't like it so much.

Something I don't compromise on, though, is when it comes to the age-appropriateness of the shows they watch. When I was a kid, my mom allowed me to watch whatever she was watching. I remember being glued to the tv, watching soap operas long before I ever attended school. Sure these programs are on in the middle of the day, but still, they're certainly not appropriate for children. I grew up play-acting some very adult situations - and I blame the evil, evil soaps. I also remember being exposed to some horrific things on the evening news, as well. Things that no child really needs to know about.

I think that there are age recommendations for movies and tv shows for a reason. There's no point in exposing children to images and themes that are over their heads, even if there's nothing "harmful" about them. There wasn't anything particularly harmful about me watching Another World when I was 4 years old...except that it gave me a totally warped view of men, relationships, the roles of women...the list goes on.

I remember once watching a movie with my parents when I young...under 10, I'm sure...about children being molested and murdered. Um...yeah. I'm pretty sure that my parents didn't realize what the movie was about when we started watching it (it was one of those early 80s made-for-tv movies). I continued to have the occasional nightmare about that movie until I was well into adulthood. Thanks, Mom.

Children are impressionable. The things they watch get lodged into their little subconscious brains and who knows exactly how they are processed. I don't want my girls seeing women using their sexuality as weapons, or violent images on the evening news. I'm a big believer in simply allowing kids to be kids, and part of my role as their parent is to protect them from things that might not be quite ready for yet. Am I sheltering them? Possibly. But no child was ever psychologically damaged from the movies and tv programs that they didn't get to watch.

Momma Sunshine

He Said:

I'm very protective of my kids and what they watch. Of course, I'm also a "dude"...and there may be some things that I may find appropriate to my kids that others will not.

My son turns four this week. He normally watches cartoons like Up (or pretty much ANYTHING by Pixar), Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (I find there are increasingly more non-Pixar movies out there that are really good), or even something like Star Wars: Clone Wars as I believe they are acceptable movies for a toddler his age. And the great thing about these movies are that not only are they entertaining for the child to watch, but there may be parts that make them question the parent (Why is somebody sad? Are those robots the bad guys? What is going on?) and it’s fun to have conversation stimulated BY your child.

Now, he's also watching a lot of non-cartoon movies recently. I try to be a lot more careful with these but he’s watching everything from Star Wars to G-Force. Now I know that there can be some scary scenes… but my feeling was that he was young enough to not quite understand what was going on. Rather, he was just spellbound by the lights and sounds and aliens and talking gerbils. He’s at the point now where I think I can explain certain things to him if he feels the need to question (there were a LOT of questions in Shark Boy & Lava Girl, but he just loves that movie to death).

My daughter is 11 going on 21. On a recent visit (she lives with her mom in another province), she wanted me to get her A Nightmare on Elm Street to watch. I told her that there was no way in hell that I was going to let her watch that. She told me that her mom doesn’t care what she watches. I tried telling her that I DO. I’m sure she’ll watch it now that she’s back home, and I may look like the “meaner” (her word) for not letting her watch it with me, but as a parent I feel it’s my responsibility to make that decision and control what my children watch.

I hate people complaining about the appropriateness of movies and television. I hate people that blame the media for kids watching things that are inappropriate for them. There are enough resources out there (like this one) where other parents can weigh-in and then you, as the parent, can make the decision for yourself.

Parents NEED to take responsibility for what their children watch. Period.

Canadian Bald Guy 

So what do you guys think? How influential are movies with kids? How much should a parent restrict their kids? Does the relationships in movies affect how kids perceive what relationships should be like?

Discuss...

Meet MEEKO! Do you have questions for him?

NOTE: Real World was down this week because of some minor technical difficulties. But luckily blogger makes it easy for those of us who are kinda drama to get things back up and running. Sorry, hope you all had a good weekend!

Shelle Note: First of all, Meeko is so awesome.  I found out about him through a kind of online game show we both did earlier this year.  He was one tough competitor and basically I rode his coattails, then like the competitive person I am, I snaked him at the end.  Obviously he is a forgiving guy.  I'm so happy to have him here and have him introduce himself in only a way that he can.  


Greetings!  :)

I am a 28 year old gay male.  In September, my boyfriend, fiance, partner, husband (not legally), best friend (although I won't tell him that), love of my life (are you getting the picture here? LoL) will have been together for five years!  It hasn't been an easy five years.  There have been tears, their have been smiles, their have been good times and bad, losses and new beginnings, but we've stuck together through thick and thin.  I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the world.

We're like any regular couple you may know, with one exception: We're both men.  We have plans, hopes, goals, and dreams for our future.  We want to have a family.  We want to grow old together.  We want to love each other.  We want to be happy.  But enough about that for now . . .

I don't like when my friends introduce me as, "This is Meeko . . . He's gay."  I mean, I don't go around saying, "This is [insert name here] . . . He/She is straight."  Where am I going with this?  You see, being gay is only one part of who I am as a person.  There is so much more to me than my sexual preference.  I'm a son, brother, uncle, friend.  I love to cook, read, write, blog, work on my crafts, spend time with my pets.

I guess my main goal/purpose as a contributor here is to be a liaison, of sorts.  I know sometimes people have impressions or ideas of a group of people as a whole . . . And I would like to help dispel the ideas/prejudices/stereotypes that come with being gay.

Is there anything you have ever wanted to ask a gay person?

Have you ever had a question you wanted an answer to, but were too shy to ask?

Here's your chance.  :)

Meet The Blogger: Shelle

Meet The Blogger

Name: Shelle Blok


Age: 31

Kids #, age & sex: Two Kids.  DCar who is male and 8 yrs old, and PeePs who is female and 5 years old.


Marital status: Married for 10 years.


1. How many years in your current relationship: 12 years.



2. Have you ever been divorced?: No


***If so how many times?:

What do you do for work: I work for an airline as a Aircraft Routing Specialist and I do photography on the side, but I don't count that because I WUV it. :)


Education: Let's see... I finished High School.  Went to two years at the community college where I live, and then Graduated at Brigham Young University with my Bachelor's in Marriage, Family, and Human Development.  With a Minor in kissing boys. ;)



Blogs you contribute to: Well this one. Obviously.  And my very own personal blog over at BlokThoughtsnmore.


Religion: LDS, or Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, or Mormon as others not of the religion generally refer to it as.

Political affiliation: Well if I must choose, then I lean to Republican.  But I go with the candidate that is closest to what I believe, and could actually win, and vote that way... because I don't want to waste my vote.


Basic philosophical leanings (liberal, conservative, confused): I'd say conservative.

What is your motto in life?: It changes with my mood.  Like sometimes it's "Get out of my way or I'll throat punch you!" or "Life is like a box of chocolates... ".  Ya know.  Changes with my mood.  But I'd say one of my most favorite quotes is this, "Don't give up what you want most, for what you think you want now."--because it applies to so many facets of life.


Who has had the most influence in your life?: I'd say my Mom.  Seriously.  She's threaded in some way into everything of my life.  I'm told I even look like her when she was young.  She's my best friend and one of my greatest confidante's.  But then again... my sisters have influenced so much and my brother's have played their part... and I wouldn't have some of my best characteristic traits if it wasn't for my father... nor my legs.  So I'd have to make that wider and say my family???


Why did you start Blogging? To put something up for family to see and friends on what we were doing.  We had just recently made a big move and left a lot of friends and loved ones.  So we wanted a place they could come to, to catch up.

But then I had some co-workers tell me I talked to much... I didn't like that at all, and I wrote about it... and some random people started commenting on it.  And the validation was addicting.  And like a train wreck I continue to write my thoughts down.


*What is the most favorite post you have written on any blog you contribute to?: I'm my worst critic every about anything I write. But I started to write a series of short stories that were all connected to make a whole story.  I only published two... though the story has continued.  My need to keep changing them stopped me from continuing to publish them... but I like them because it is imperfect and yet, that is me and it's authentic? What I Imagine Heaven Would Be... or I did THIS one which is a play on a meme I did, because I kinda don't like MeMe's and this particular person put my name down for one just to spite me, so I made it interesting (Which means I was totally sarcastic).


I decided to do the last two questions Via Vlog to switch it up a bit:  I do a sexy trick with my mouth so don't miss it... :)



I mention Ken (sorry Ken I don't remember your blog! oops. But I know you love facebook!) and PapaK in the blog (HERE is the post I was talking about)... it's only fair that I link up! :)

Hope you all have a good weekend!!!

Love,

Shelle

IS there a ONE and ONLY?

IS THERE A ONE AND ONLY

Image taken from HERE

I am a 59 year old woman, married ------three times.

It was never my intention to be married three times. I was always a believer in Happy Ever After. I was an optomistic Pollyanna. Marriage turned out to be a journey for me. I have come full circle.

At present, I am married to my First Love. The one I met 41 years ago, lost my virginity to. I was 17 and he was almost 21. He wanted to marry me, proposed when I was 18, but because of religious differences my parents strongly objected. STRONGLY. I was not particularily the rebellious type, couldn't fight that battle, so we ended up seperating.

I went away to school, found someone who I thought "fit the bill" of what my parents wanted for me and I tried to convince myself that it was right. We were engaged 2 months after having met and married 2 months after that. I really didn't even KNOW the guy. On our wedding day, just before those vulnerable moments before saying "I Do", I was sick inside. I knew I was not in love.

I was in love with WANTING to BE in love again.

During the first 4 years of our marriage, I contacted my First Love (who for the rest of this post I will refer to as F.L.). He wanted me back, but I still wasn't ready for THAT challenge. I already had a child, was still trying to hang on to the possibility of Happy Ever After. I was afraid. So, we said goodbye....again.

I stayed married to #1 for 22 years and had 5 children who I wouldn't trade for the world. It wasn't that he was particularily a bad husband. I just could not for the life of me, find a way to Fall In Love with him. I prayed: "Please Lord, help me fall in love with my husband."

I knew as the children got older that I was becoming more miserable. I did not want to be alone with him. Felt empty. To wind things up a little here, I asked for a divorce. It was painful. It was ugly. It was a collapse of my Happy Ever After.

I had met someone else. I felt connected. I felt again that rush of being in love. I really wanted him. This man was 15 years younger then me. (there are pressures to being married to someone that much younger,.....another post perhaps)

We dated for two years before getting married. He had never been married before and it was only about a year into the marriage he had reservations if it would work, and considered leaving me. He was a little overwhelmed by my Big Family. But we made it through 13 years together. I was happy.

Then out of the blue, from nowhere, my F.L. found me, contacted me. He was able to do that because after my first divorce, I kept my maiden name. I remember thinking, What is going on here. After all this time, Is it possible NOW we are actually able to be together, or is this just some sick joke God is playing on me. Now I know God doesn't play sick jokes on people folks, but that is kinda what I was thinking. It was that traumatic.

All those feelings, loss and wanting of 41 years ago came flooding back. When he first emailed me, my body went literally numb. The next few months were hell. I still loved #2, but was consumed with the possibility that I could be back with F.L.

I went to see a therapist. I needed a clear head.

Now I have to tell you that F.L.'s journey had been much the same as mine. He married a girl older then him......she already had children. They had none together. It ended badly. He had several other relationships over the years and swore he'd never marry again. He said he was never able to find what he and I had all those years ago. He tried, but couldn't find it.

I ended up telling #2 about all of this. He told me to go and meet F.L. and see how we felt about each other. He didn't want to live in someone elses shadow and have me think over the years "I wonder, what if, I should have".

He quoted to me that old saying "If you love someone set them free, if they come back to you, it was meant to be."

But I didn't....come back. A year ago June I flew up to Canada to meet F.L. We both still felt strongly towards each other. We cried. We felt like maybe NOW, fate was in our corner. We could be together.

I went home and told #2 my decision. We cried.

So here I am, in the last stages of my life, back with the man where it all began. A destiny fulfilled??

It has not been easy. There is still pain. In fact, I will always love #2, but there was something so deep within me I was compelled to make that hard decision.

So here is my question for you. IS THERE A ONE AND ONLY?

I saw on a tv show awhile ago where they were talking about re-connections, first loves, that sort of thing. They referred to it as a type of Imprinting having taken place.

It raises the question, do we have a soul mate? F.L. told me he felt within himself he could only love once, and that love had been me. He was never able to really duplicate it.

If God or some Mythical Marriage Magi were to give me another chance.....another opportunity for a choice. You may pick either #1, #2 or #3......you get one more chance.

I would pick #3......F.L. I am still going through stages of emotionally releasing myself from #2.

I believe there are different depths of love.

Is everything perfect. No. But we are blissfully in love. I think I did have a ONE AND ONLY.

What do you think? Do you believe there is just a one and only for everyone? Tell us your opinion.


Wendy

We look forward to the summer as a couple.

Shelle Edit: I have known MaeRae for just a short while, but what I love about her writing is you can tell that her family works.  I mean her relationship with her husband and her boys, it all just works.  I love reading about her time with them, for me it is intriguing.  I feel like I'm sitting on a couch listening to her tell me a story when I read her blog and I like that. Here is part of her profile, which backs up what I am saying, "I am a spoiled, but not rotten, mother of three boys and wife to the greatest guy ever."  She has posts to back that sentence up! :)  Go check out her blog after you read what she has to say here. Thank MaeRae... I love how open you are with the topic!

What's one thing you and your spouse look forward to in the summer? Do you have something that you guys just do to get time together that you can't do in the winter or other seasons?

I am not the usual woman that you read about or know.  I was raised in a large family of boys and am not afraid of those things that most woman are.  In fact, I do things that most women would NEVER.  One of those things is spend the summer in the woods with no hot water, internet or cable.  I have husband and three boys and am not afraid to kill spiders or take a fish off the hook.  The other thing that I am not afraid of telling people is that I like sex and don’t get enough of it.  Have you ever heard a woman complain about this?

Backing up a few years, my husband had been diagnosed with possible testicular cancer.  They only way to determine if it is definitely cancer is to remove the testicle and biopsy the mass. Thank the Lord above that it was not and he is healthy.  However, it was a mass of testosterone producing cells producing more testosterone cells.  My husband had a libido that was even with mine.  We would have sex at least twice a week.

Since the removal of the testicle three years ago, his drive has become very limited.  I am lucky to be able to get him twice a month now.  I have been told it is not so much drive but fatigue.  I guess this one of the side effects but it still affects the everyday aspects of life when you cannot stay up past 7 pm.

Back to now, summer has a different effect on my husband.  Maybe it is the fresh air, maybe it is extra adrenaline or maybe it is NATURE in general.  My husband has more energy.  My husband is up later at night and wanting to do some much more than any other time of the year.

During the summer months we steal away time.  With three boys in a 450 square foot cabin it is hard to find alone time, but in the summer we make it a point to.  It may be a trip out on the pond in the canoe and a quick trip to the shore where there is no foot traffic.  It may be stealing a swim late at night with no clothes on. It may be an early morning rise because the birds are right outside the window waking and telling us it is time.

During the summer, my husband and I are in much closer quarters and this is something that we enjoy ever year.  Me, I am much more relaxed, I think it is the increase in sex.  He, it is a feeling alive and back to the way he was before.  Whatever the reason, we look forward to the summer.  We look forward to the together time again.

Is there a season that you and your spouse feel you connect closer in?  Being open, is sex a contributing factor to that feeling of closeness?

MaeRae

He Said She Said: Gay Marriage

Two of our contributors are asked to take opposing stances on an issue and present a case for their viewpoint. Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to elicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy!


TOPIC: Gay Marriage


Shelle Edit:  Disclaimer ;) -- The opinions expressed here are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Real World Venus vs. Mars site.


He Said...

Well once again we have a He Said She Said with Gucci and me. This time it is gay marriage. Now again I will put my basic political and life philosophy out there for all to read. I believe that if it doesn't cost me (personally or as a tax payer) money, it doesn't harm children and it doesn't take away rights then I don't much care what people do. So my stance is clear; this includes gay marriage.

Now if it will cost me money, if my taxes increase, my insurance premiums increase (Like the IDIOT democrats haven't already screwed that pooch) then I am definitely against it. Now don't get me wrong I am not marching in the street for it (or against it). I am not so simple minded that I would vote for politicians that champion it (or are against it) to the detriment of the whole nation either, which many simpletons do. Someone who would do that is a total drain on society at large and pretty much a sorry excuse for a human being, in my net gain voter opinion. It is basically a non issue to me. Also let me say if straight marriage costs me money I am against it too!

So here is my stance. I don't give a dang if a man marries a woman, a man, a goat, a football, seven women, a dwarf, someone outside his race, his religion, a midget, a crack head, a democrat or a space alien, or any combination of those. If it doesn't cost me money, hurt kids, or take away rights then go get 'em.

Note****** the outcome is EXACTLY the same if you are forced between marrying the goat and the d....... oh never mind, everyone knows that already.


Sage <--N always SFW



She Said...

It's pretty clear that this is a highly divisive topic, but it is my hope that we can discuss it without descending into accusations of "hate" and "ignorance" which are ridiculous and do nothing to advance the discussion.

Like Sage, it doesn't matter to me one way or another who someone loves, sleeps with, or marries as long as all parties are consenting adults.  It's not a financial issue, it's not a moral issue, and it's not a lifestyle issue.  It's an issue of whether "rights" are being denied a special interest group, in this case gays and lesbians.

The short answer is, no.  Rights are not being denied gays and lesbians.  Gays and lesbians have the exact same rights as every other American.  The "right" to marry (and whether marriage is a right at all is certainly debatable, but not the focus of today's discussion) is one that is legally restricted for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation.  Every American has the ability to marry an adult of the opposite sex as long as that person is a consenting non family member.  The "right" to marry is already equal for everyone.  We run into trouble when we start creating rights for certain factions of society, and the issue of gay marriage is absolutely a "created right".

Still, it's not the issue of gay marriage itself that bothers me.  I'll say again, I'm not against the idea of gay marriage.  I'm not for it either; I'm actually neutral when it comes to the issue itself.  I see it as an issue of states rights.  Put it to a popular vote in individual states and let the people have their say.  Of course, the problem we run into when the people are allowed a voice is that when the minority in power doesn't like the voice of the majority it wants to rule, the minority then gets fancy in the courts and forces the majority to swallow a very bitter pill.  We saw this in California recently when Prop 8 was overturned by an activist court.  The people of California overwhelmingly voted in favor of legally defining traditional marriage but unfortunately, liberals are only interested in the will of the people when it coincides with their agenda.  Which is rare.  So then we have this unfortunate practice of legislating from the bench and circumventing the democratic process. 

Leave it to the states; let the people speak.  And when they do, regardless of which way the vote swings, government must be allowed to work the way it was designed - for the people and by the people - because when minority opinion is forced upon the majority by activist judges  in blatant defiance of the will of the people, well, we are on a very slippery slope indeed.

Gucci Mama

What my parents taught me...

Shelle Edit:  Glamazon has an incredible talent.  She has 4 kids, the last 3 are all within 2 and 1/2 years of each other... which brings for great blogging material and incredibly witty and sarcastic posts. You have to go read her!  Well after you read this post. :)

Once, long ago, I was an 18-year-old who knew it all. I remember sitting outside on the front porch with my parents one summer evening and telling them, "My marriage will be nothing like yours." The words weren't spoken out of anger, it was simply a fact. I had fallen for the fairy tale stories hook, line, and sinker. My parents never held hands. They weren't affectionate. When I asked my mom how she knew my dad was the one, she answered, "I'm not sure I ever did. I just made a decision and it worked out for us." What? No moment of certainty gazing into each other's eyes? No fireworks? In my mind marriage was a journey with a best friend, someone you couldn't get enough of, basically fifty years of one endless perfect date.

The husband and I will celebrate our eighth wedding anniversary this December, and I am much older and wiser about the subject of marriage. Although I adore my hubby most days, we both have days where we don't like each other much. It's hard to hold hands when they are full of babies, and that endless perfect date has turned into sleepless nights, diapers, and trying to build toward a common goal. My parents were right-marriage is a lot of day-to-day work, practicality, and basically just getting through it. There are magical moments that make it all worth it, but they can be few and far between.

My parents relationship taught me lessons I never thought I would need: how to work hard, stay together, and just do your best. It might sound harsh, but sometimes reality is a well-needed lesson.

When the kids are in bed, we watch TV together and hold hands. I'm still a bit of a romantic, but now, twelve years later, I would tell my parents, "I'd be pretty lucky if my marriage turns out like yours."

Is there anything in your parents relationship that you learned... good or bad?

Glamazon Mom