Friday, April 24, 2009


She's back! Missty from Life is Good. has returned!  Her posts are always good and full of the things we really want to talk about.   Missty just celebrated her 26th Wedding Anniversary and has four nearly grown boys, two of which recently left the nest.  She loves to cook and garden. Funny, smart and a wonderful blogger we're very glad to have her offer up more dish in the post below.  Enjoy!

They're women over 40. They like younger men. And in pop-culture circles they're called - often jokingly - 'cougars’.



Here is a definition from the Urban Dictionary:


Cougar is a female, usually between thirty and fifty years-old, who enjoys the sexual company of younger men. 
Cougars are only usually interested in men under the age of twenty-five. Also, Cougars are non-committal, choosing to move from mate to mate without ever settling down. It is not uncommon for the same Cougar to attack (sleep with) many different men in the same group of friends. Furthermore, Cougars are older and more practiced in the ways of snaring a mate so they will rarely broadcast their intentions to sleep with you until you are already in her Jetta, headed for the condo she just bought. It is this elusive behavior that earns her the name “Cougar.”


So now that we have the definition figured out.



  How would you feel grocery shopping with your 23 yr old semi-adult  son and realizing he is getting tons of text’s.  You are trying to ask if he and his brother who share a condo, if they need bread, or tortillas.  And he keeps say what mom? or what did you say?   


So the conversation went like this:


Me: T who are you texting?


T:  Oh this lady.


Me:  Oh.. 


T:  Silly laughs, as he continues to text, ignoring me as I ask if he and his brother needed  some veggies.


Me:  T, I am trying to help you two out this week, you need groceries, you have no money,  can you give me a minute of your time.


T:  Yeah sure mom. Sorry.   This lady won’t leave me alone.  Me and brother  and a friend are going to meet her and a couple of friends later tonight. 


Me:  Lady?  Whats this girls name?


T:  Oh she’s not a girl.  She is 35.


Me:  Seriously!    A bit old, don’t you think?


T:  Mom, we had some  45 yr old cougars hang out with us at the hot tub last weekend.


Me:  You did?!!!  You do realize they could be your mom?


T:  Huh?


Me:  Yeah, I just turned 45!


T:  Just laughs.



Ugh!  I never gave it a second thought before.  I was always of the mindset  “hey if you find love, and your happy, does it matter the age differences”?  Well, um yeah it does if you are talking about my baby boys!  LOL. 


 know they are adults.  But, to hear  women MY age, be interested in my boys… like that.  Yuck.


I can tell you the last thing I would want would be a boy my sons ages, for me in a relationship!  lol



So what do you think?  Is it ok to have such a huge age span?


 Does it matter who is older in the relationship? The man or woman?


Have you had a relationship with a person much older/younger?   If so how did it go?

And is it even fair to be calling these women cougars? 


Enquiring minds want to know!



MakingChanges said...

I'm gonna have to think on this one for a bit and come back to the comment box later.

When I was 16 I dated a 24 year old marine. What was my mom thinking. Granted, I am the girl and for some reason it isn't frowned on too badly when the guy is older. Why is that? 8 years is a BIG difference when you are still in HIGH SCHOOL. Ok, so what was I thinking?

I think I'd have a COW before I'd be okay with my kids dating someone so different. I'll have more to say, I am sure, once I ponder.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I was 19 and my boyfriend was 28. It was kind of weird at first because he pursued me (not the other way around) and we lived two hours apart. I didn't have a big problem with it but in the end it was an issue for him (which I wrote about on my site a few weeks ago). I look even younger than I am so I guess he just couldn't get over that. At our ages and beyond I think it does become just a number depending where you are in life. I was working 55 hours a week at 19 and going to school, he worked a job with lots of hours and tons of travel. Being that I was in love with him (and he was not with me) it would have been nice if it worked out, lol. My parents lived thousands of miles away and never met him, they knew and maybe my mom wasn't thrilled but she trusted me. I used to prefer dating older men (not creepy older) simply because they understood where I was in life. When I dated (and became engaged to) a guy a few months younger than me who was still in school full time while I was working full time paying our bills and going to school at night, he could not understand why I would be upset when he invited friends over at ten pm during the week when I had to be up early for work. Needless to say that guy is not my husband :)

Now as big of a difference as Missty is talking about, umm, NO! I would have a problem with that. And it's different when it's your kid ;)

Missy said...

First, I must comment on the "dictionary" part of the post. Cougars are older women between 30 to 50. When did 30 become older?

A huge age difference is kind of creepy. 20 years is a bit much for me. But I am 6 years older than my husband. When we started dating, he wasn't old enough to go to the bar. That was kind of weird. But we worked through it.

Cajoh said...

My wife is 16 years my senior. I think what made the difference is that I tend to come across older than my actual age. It was easier for me to relate to someone more mature than the women I knew at the time who were my age.

Susan said...

Oh man - there's a new reality show called The Cougar. It's hysterical - we make fun of it but laugh because we can't change the channel! I guess I fit into the age group of Cougars... GRRRRR... I'm 38 and happily married to a man 4 years older.

OK, I swear I don't GRRRRR - that was an attempt at humor which instead came off as rather tacky. My apologies.

I wouldn't be able to hold a conversation with someone in their early 20's. Have you talked to a guy OR girl this age recently? I want to RIP MY HAIR OUT! Even my 26 year old brother says he can't date someone in their early 20's. (Oh lord, I think he just supported the whole idea around why young men want women like us!!??) Shoot.

I have step-sons, and I asked my husband this question. We both agree that we would beat the crap out them if a 45 year old was texting them at that age. BEAT.THE.CRAP.OUT.OF.THEM.


valerie said...

Hmmm interesting. Fine for someone else. But not my boys! lol Yuck. Don't even want to think about it. Good thing they are still young. I can keep my head in the sand for a few more years at least. lol

Missty said...

I'll check back later, but for the rest of the story, that happened earlier this week, click over to my blog.

TisforTonya said...

I'm laughing just a little because at the college we went to, we had Cougar Pride and cheered for the Cougs all the time!

Of course, if someone MY age were pursuing my son... I don't think it would be my sons' butt I'd be kicking... cat fight? cougar fight?

Of course, my son isn't allowed to date yet - so it would REALLY be a problem... in 6 years... hmmm... I think I'd still have big issues.

But really - I don't have problems with age differences (5-20 years) but it all comes down to this:

Relationships are tough - really tough. Each "difficult" element you add in makes it tougher - whether that's an age difference, a religious difference, or a cultural difference... whatever. So be prepared for what you sign on for.

To each their own - unless it's my kid :)

Goob said...

I suspect that a 45 year old woman who is going after a 20 year old boy...I am not going to use the word "Man" in reference to a male of 20 missing something in her life. What on earth, other than sex and a willingness to listen to mommy, could a 20 year old have to offer in the emotions department?

Unknown said...

I'd be pissed if some old cougar was hitting on my baby boy!

The Blonde Duck said...

I've never dated anyone three years older than me. I think if the guy is 30 or over, cougars are ok. Otherwise, the mother/ son thing is too odd. Same thing for young females and old men.

Missty said...

YB4Ever - I am with you - I did have a cow queitly to myself and wih my husband when we had this conversation.

Blogging mama - See thats the problem - you were an "adult" as well. And we do trust our kids But its tough on the parents! lol I never gave this subject a second thought before.

Missy - I am with you, I don't think 30 is old. But I dont think 45 is either. ;o) lol

Cajoh - Interesting. So were you a bit older when you met, or your early 20's like my son? I still don't have a problem with huge age gaps, I guess as long as your both a bit older? kwim?

Susan - I SO get the conversations with 20 year olds! LOL I have 4 boys ages 17 - 24!! With friends always over. ugh.

Valerie - Keep them young and keep that head in the sand - its SO much easier! lol

T - I would love to kick some butt. The problem is - who is she? I have never met her. My boys live on there own. And they are adults. Who I help pay for everything still! LOL Its not like the days of High school, just a few short years ago, where they had to listen to my rules, etc.

Clan of CH - I think your on to something!

A in Norway - Yeah, I was a little pissed. Sometimes it is better to give suttle hints with this age group and they figure it out. Which is what happen. My blog has the rest of the story.

Blonde duck -I am with you. If the boy/young man is older,say 30's then go for it have a cougar. But don't pounnce on my baby boy that is just 23. lol

Denise said...

Wowzers, it's such a double-standard, but I'm going to say for guys to date older it's fine... even with the "Cougars" as they aren't really looking for a relationship. But for girls, I'd have a fit if my 20-something daughter told me she was dating someone in their 40s. I attempted to date a guy who had just turned 40, and I was 29. I was too chicken to get serious... too big of an age difference for me. What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander I suppose.

MakingChanges said...

Okay, I have had a moment (or a few hours) to ponder this. I am technically in the Cougar category (33) and if I were to date someone 20 years younger they would be in JR. High. What in the world? There is a difference between you both being adults and one being jail bate.

I think I'd just have a hard time thinking my kids wanted to be with someone MY age. Not that I feel old (at least not today), but these are my kids. I birthed them. If their dates are my age I did something wrong I think!

Anjeny said...

Ok, my mom married a guy who was 20years younger than was hard for me to get used to the idea. But I supposed if they are married and supporting each other, then that's different.

I think if someone my age is texting my son, I'd hunt that lady down and do physical damage to her.

Missty..I agree...YUCK!!

Melinda said...

I have no problems (mostly) with a big age gap, IF its for a relationship (marriage, courtship, an ACTUAL relationship). I think we're confusing age gaps in dating, and an actual "cougar". A cougar isn't someone who is looking for a relationship, she's looking for a hook-up with a younger man, someone she can take advantage of because they're too young to get how incredibly disgusting that is. THAT I have a problem with. If they love each other and are committed, then its not a problem with me. :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness. I have mixed feelings. I think it's a bit weird that a 35 year old was texting your college son only because it's like she's trying to pick up on him.

If an older woman falls in love the normal legitimate way and commits to him, maybe it could work. If he's mature. But to just scam on younger boys is a bit creepy. I would kick that chic's booty if she were texting my son.

I think young boys are a bit vulnerable to older women because of their "EXPERIENCE" and willingness to share it.

And I can't believe CaJoh is married to a woman 16 years older. I'm shocked. That is awesome. He does strike me as very wise and mature. He's always loving on her too. How many years have you been married CaJoh?

MakingChanges said...

Anjeny- AMEN!

Melinda- Totally see what you are saying, it's just weird to me.

Crash- interesting point. If this happens the right way and not just for a few romps in the hay then it wouldn't be too bad, but ewwww! I still can't get my mind around it.

wendy said...

WEll ---Interesting that you should ask. I am in a second marriage where my husband is 15 years younger then me. For a long while, I never bothered to ask his age, and when I found out, I was a little "what the !!!". But we have been married for 13 years. He is mature for his age - I am "immature" for my age (I guess) sometimes I really feel/experience the age gap, but for the most part it is good. He was 30 and I was 45 when we married. I know, I know.....

Missty said...

You have all had some great comments! I have loved reading them today. This is all so new. I really don't have a problem with age gaps, IF your older than say 30! LOL And maybe if your not my son. I was just thinking - can you imagine being my age 45, and having a daughter inlaw your same age?? Maybe I am not ok with this stuff at any age! LOL

And for the record, she has already moved on. She mentioned to my son this week, that she thinks they want different things in the relationship. So, for now, he is back to more his age group. whew.

Blasé said...

My wife is much older than me, but we didn't meet when I was 20 and she was a "cougar".

A "cougar" is simply a woman needing her ego stroked...among other things.