About Women...

George Carlin said:

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her crap, you will receive more shit
than any one human being can handle.

Sage on Finances

I was going to give Sage an introduction, but it looks like he covered that as well! :) So read on.

Hello all, this is my first post here so be gentle. I am Southern Sage. If you want to know about me you can do that on my 100 things.
I also post every day in Sageville NSFW on Sundays, politics on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Independent Thinkers Lounge, Post on Tuesday and Saturday and sometimes in between, politics and current events only.
And Hotdads with other guys.

Well I have been following y'all here with money struggles. I saw Youngblood post about making ends meet and Shelle a little bit tongue and cheek about her fella and her discussing sweetly I'm sure her guys buying being big things and hers being small things. Some posts on the topic as well as one from another blog.

HERE

HERE

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HERE

I know some of you would be what folks would classify as religious, here is some biblical reference.

Luke 16:11

Proverbs 13:22

Proverbs 22:7

(ok those of you who don't know me, I will run a rabbit in my posts, like this!)

~~ 22:7 is the main reason I hate debt. Y'all that know me know I don't usually walk the line or follow or do what everyone else does. I do my thing, stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours and we'll be good. The borrower is servant to the lender.....
Why in the name of all things good would someone choose this? Most things, hell everything other than your house can be purchased without being the banks or the credit card companies servant. I'd be lying if I said that this verse turned a light on for me and thats why I see it the way I do, it's just always how I have rolled. Think about that. Why would you intentionally be a servant to anyone? Why put yourself into slavery? Would you intentionally lock yourself in jail?~~

Onward

It seems to me that in my marriage, even with a contact :-) most of the arguments we have ever had were because of three things. Money, child rearing technique and insurance (I know that prolly ain't on the top 10 reasons list but I hate it second only to taxes so I b*tch about it!). Especially in these times with the economy down and the huge strain of uncertainty of what this run-away government is doing, right now is by far the worst financial time of my life for the average family. As you will see if you read this entire saga here it is my belief that the main problem with couples and finances is they don't talk about it BEFORE there is a problem and they don't make and follow a plan (budget) when they do discuss it.

Now I am no financial genius but I thought I'd post on the topic anyway. The problem is that people don't really WANT to be out of debt, or financially secure. It is EXACTLY the same as weight loss. When one finally decides they don't WANT to be over weight anymore or they NEED to lose weight for quality of life reasons then they will do what needs to be done to accomplish their goals. Most people just keep on keeping on though and 1-2-3 years from now will be sitting in the same place they are right now. I submit to you that if you DECIDE to get right with your money then in 1 year you will be in a much much better place. There are many reasons people aren't where they want to be financially. One thing that happens to folks is they get poor advice from people and they have poor role models (Like Youngbloods parents). The terrible foundation young people get in the form of advice is detrimental to them and has long term negative effects. It seems the advice every young person gets is "You have to build your credit" (Insert GONGGGGG sound here) WRONG! You do not need credit, if you want to build something then build your assets. Build your savings. Build your investments. Build your income. It is never to late though. The number one thing everyone should be trying to do is to get out of debt. Debt is what will kill you. They have never repossessed or foreclosed on ANYTHING that was paid for. This is the same as losing weight. You didn't gain it all in one day and you can't lose it all in one day. You didn't get this far in debt in one day and without some windfall you ain't gonna get out in one day either. There is one thing you can do today though, you can decide to never go into debt again. The only way to climb to the top of a mountain is one small step at a time. Do you want to be debt free? Do you want to be more secure financially? Well here is my take on these things. The VERY VERY VERY first thing you (you right there reading this) need to do is have a written budget every single month of the rest of your life. If you have a spouse then you need to turn off the idiot box, shut down your communicators turn off the internet and give the kids benedryl something to do. ----->This WILL NOT work if it is a one sided effort. People (me included) think that they can outearn their spending or they will skimp on something else to make their spending work out. It is my thought that if your spouse is not on board with a budget/plan then the problems in your relationship are worse than just financal.

If you read the Marriage Contract then you know I believe a marriage is NO DIFFERENT than any business agreement, and if it is seen as a business agreement then it will work better. Would you be in a business with a partner and no budget? No plan? Get your trapper keepers out and do it. I even looked up and linked an example of a budget HERE

Write down all of your bills. Most bills are exactly the same every month, most pay checks are the same every period also. Lights and bills that fluctuate some can be approximated.

Mortgage/rent
food
electric
(those 3 are to be paid first)
transportation
and on and on and on until you list EVERYTHING you pay every month.

Then write down your income. Most folks have a set income. They make X amount a week/month whatever. Then you apply that money BEFORE you make it. You work hard for that money don't let it run you, you have to run it. You tell it what to do. You will actually be surprised at how much money you SHOULD have over and above what it takes to pay your bills.

This is a good start. This MUST be done. You won't do it though, its too elementary for you. You can handle it without a silly written budget. When you have had enough though hit back on this post and then do the budget. If you will get pissed off and do it it will work for you. Microsoft has a written budget, Chevron has a written budget, it seems profitable successful companies have one, the US government though evidently does not have a written budget.

Adopt this creed:
If it isn't written down and budgeted then I don't spent it, ever.

In Shelle's situation they should put a personal allowance for each of them on the budget. Then if MSM wants to save his allowance for 10 years and buy a yacht then so be it, if Shelle wants to buy lipstick every week with her allowance and never save any then so be it.

A few things smart people do that are stupid.

*Finance a brand new vehicle.
*Buy outright a brand new vehicle
*Loan money.
*Own credit cards.
*Borrow money.

Why is it you think they make getting a credit card so easy?
Why will they finance almost anyone for a car?
Why is it easy to borrow money?

Some easy tips.

1. Take only the money budgeted to spend to the store for groceries, clothes, school supplies, etc. This keeps impulse purchases down. Take CASH, yes stores still accept this form of payment. This makes you VERY aware of exactly what items cost.
2. Start today cutting expenses. This year since everything was so strained I decided to do at home what I always attempt to do in business, cut expenses 10%. I cut the cable/satellite bill down to basics. Stopped caller ID and voice mail and bought a $20.00 answering machine with a tape in it, cut cell phone minutes in half. Turned off the light on the pole in the yard ($20.00/month) , incessantly turn off house lights, etc.

3. See your purchases is hours worked and not in money, and NEVER consider the payments, if you have to make payments then you can't afford it. If you make say $10.00/hr (for easy math purposes) and the new item you want is $250.00 that is 25 hours of work. If you were not going to get a paycheck for working 25 hours but instead they were going to give you that item would you think differently about it?


4. Can you imagine how much money you would save per year if you (and your spouse)took your lunch to work everyday?

See the reason people have to get fed up is because EVERYONE else lives differently than this post suggests and the peer pressure to have items, to "do" lunch, to have an equal vehicle to have nice clothes etc is stronger than most peoples desire to be debt free and financially secure. It is a choice people.

You choose.

Do the budget then once you get that done we can get you out of debt!! I'll splain more about how to do that once we get the budget done, if anyone cares to read it anyway.

Then we have to save and invest which I will also opine on if you would like.

I'll also give my take on most anything if anyone so desires so say it and I'll post on it.

Thanks ladies for letting me play with y'all!

Discuss.

Real Life V. Fantasy

Did your parents read you fairy tales as a child? Did those fairy tales help to mold the way you thought about relationships? I think I was somewhat disillusioned as a child. I think subconsciously I let those fairy tales influence how I viewed the men in my life.

It took me far to long to figure out that having sex with a man didn't mean he was my knight in shinning armor. Far to long to realize that the fairy tales were full of fluffy crap that had no basis in reality.

Don't we want to guide our children through the tough reality of “life ain't fair”? I wonder if we read more fairy princess stories to little boys, would they try to be more like the handsome prince? Of course not. Because those stories set the bar to high, there are no perfect people.

So why then, do us girls let ourselves believe in the magic? Even still, why do we continue to entertain little girls with these fables? Is it really fair to them to emphasize the best thing that could happen to a princess is to meet prince charming and fall in love, living happily ever after.

This whole thing seems to me like old wives tales or urban legends. Once we figure out that those things are not fact, we tend not to continue passing them on.

As much as it's no fun for us girls, it's also not fair to the men in our lives. If we have high expectations that no man can live up to, they have no choice but to fail. They were doomed from the start.

Could this explain some of the problems long term relationships have? Can we better prepare the next generation by post scripting those stories with a bit of the truth?

Left Field Missy

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years... as long as you count the 1 ½ years we were separated. Now I know what people say about abusive relationships: If you keep going back, he is not going to change.


Let me be clear. My husband never hit me. I have very strong feelings about physical violence that I won't get into here. But when my husband was mad, the whole world was going to know about it.


After about a year of weekly screaming matches I'd had enough and kicked him out. At that point in our relationship, we were 2 different people, with very different views on how life was supposed to be lived.


I was very serious about this. I went to court, got custody of the kids and restraining orders. I took him to court for child support. We mediated about visitation. And he, grudgingly, went to anger management therapy.


Some other significant things also happened. He lived on his own for the first time in his life. He was responsible for his own bills, and getting them paid on time. He made friends outside of our relationship, and interacted with their families. It was during our separation that he began to understand that the only person accountable for what happened to him, was him.


A lot changed in that year and a half. I found the no nonsense, not taking anyone's crap, girl I used to be. He saw that I didn't need him to provide for me. Finishing his anger management along with some other changes made him a much calmer person.


I had the opportunity to see him change. Not for me, but for himself. Because I had made it plainly clear, I was not going back to him.


Through all that, I never stopped loving him. And there came a point where we were friends again. Our relationship grew without the expectations of getting back together.


We started living together again almost 2 years ago. As a married couple. I can probably count on 1 hand the number of fights we have had in that time. We just deal with things differently now.


Our separation was painful and stressful for everyone involved. It was an uphill battle that, for us, proved to be worth the work in the end.


What do you think? Can separation be good for a failing relationship?



Missy
http://left-field-missy.blogspot.com/

Sleeping Arrangements

When it comes to sleeping I am totally in love. I heart my bed. It is pretty dang comfy. Especially on my side. Which brings up a funny in my mind. How did it become "my side?"

How do you pick your side of the bed?

Since we got married, "my side" had changed with just about every place we have lived. It all depends on how the bed is positioned in the room. I have to sleep on the side closest to the door. Weird reason, too. You would think as a mom I would want to be on the side that is hardest for my kids to get to, making Hubby be the one to deal with all of the offspring issues. But, I learned early on that he is too heavy of a sleeper and I would end up awake anyway.

My sister has to sleep on the side that is closest to the door so she can use the facilities in the middle of the night without stubbing her toe on the end of the bed.

My Brother-in-law sleeps on the side closest to the door so he can "protect" his family.

The funny thing about this is that it really does effect how we complete the deed. Hubby and I were talking about this the other day. I am really a physically needy person. I love the rubbing, touching, massaging and stuff. It is a little awkward for him (or at least it was at first) when I would sleep on side right side of the bed (right side when you are in bed, left when you are looking at the bed). This means that his left hand does most of the work because his right hand is too close to my body to really be doing any of the work/play. The one good thing that has come from this (beside many fun/pleasurable nights) is that he is ambidextrous in bed. WOOHOO!

Which side do you sleep on and why?

Make Up Sex

I think Make Up Sex is a HOAX!

I don't believe in it... not one bit!

And I don't count regular sex after you've made up from an arguement.

Because I have been led to believe that Make-Up sex is hot, sticky, and unbridled!

An OUTER BODY experience... some friends have even went so far as to tell me that it is some of the best SEX they have ever had!!!

PPPFFFTTT! Lies!

See... we fight, disagree, argue... make-up, hug, kiss... smile.

Then eventually comes the inevitable sex... but nothing out of the ordinary. Not to say that it isn't good or fantastic or great... because I mean it usually is all of that.

But I was expecting that after we made up he would get hot and jump my bones and we would fall to the ground in a tangle of sloppy kisses and discarded clothing... ya know?

So tell me... all lies? Or are we just not making up right??? Any pointers if that is the case?

love,


P.S. We are looking for a couple of new contributors to get some fresh thoughts on THEIR real relationships married OR single (we need more singles blood around here though). So email Andrea (bloggingmamaandrea@gmail.com) or Me(blokthoughts@gmail.com) and let us know. We will come visit your blog and read some of your stuff. We only need a couple so we will look at them at a first come first serve basis. Thanks!

My Mom Once Told Me...

There are a lot of us I'm sure who can say that our parents have told us things, things often called advice, in regards to our lives. Don't run with scissors! Take your vitamins! Wear fresh underwear everyday! Those three examples are ones I try to follow. Well two out of three isn't bad since I'm not really into vitamins.

But the advice I get from my mom these days is about my marriage. Mostly I nod politely and file it into the Ain't Gonna Happen category like most of us do. There is one piece of advice I'd like to hear your opinions on though.

My mom once told me to great my husband at the door in nice clothes (dress or skirt), with make-up on, hair brushed, kids clean and orderly and to have dinner ready.

I usually make maybe one or two of those by 6 o'clock. And it's usually not the dress or orderly kids either. I settle for having brushed my hair at some point during the day and showering instead.

What I want to know is how many of you have heard and followed advice like the one my mom gave me? Do you greet your spouse at the door like Mrs/Mr June Cleaver? What stock do you put in your parents relationship advice?