For the first few years of marriage my hub would meet me at the door whenever I returned from shopping with the same question.
"How much did you spend?"
I hated that question and I almost felt it was none of his business. Plus I'm a pleaser and hate to be scolded so I often found myself shaving off a dollar or two (or ten.) I rounded down. Sometimes generously. I didn't see anything wrong with it, for the most part.
Then one day I went to the GAP. They had a deal that if you spent $100 you'd get a free $20 gift card. I made sure my purchases equaled $100 and slipped the gift card in my wallet.
I didn't mention it to my hub, but one day he found the gift card and said, "where'd you get this?"
I said "Oh, if you spend $50 at the GAP you get this free $20 gift card."
BIG LIE, but my hub said "WOW! Good job."
A few days later we were walking through the mall and he saw the real GAP ad. You can imagine what hit the fan.
That one seemingly harmless lie had broken his trust in me in an instant. For a few years he questioned everything I said. And not just about finances. This frustrated me but when I said, "HEY, it was only $50" he would say, "It wasn't just $50. If you're willing to lie about $50 then why wouldn't you be willing to lie about more serious things?
I worked hard after that to be completely forthright and upfront about what I was spending. For some reason that helped me become more honest and upfront about other things, like how it made me feel when he was constantly asking me how much money I spent.
It's taken years, but I no longer lie about money and he no longer pins me wriggling to the wall about everything I buy.
I've learned that when you lie about finances, you're not really lying about finances.
You get me?
In other words, you can use your financial conflicts to reflect on deeper issues in your personal life.
Soooooo, go ahead. Let's all hold hands and do some group therapy. I already know I'd rather be a big fat liar liar pants on fire than get scolded.
What do your attitudes about finances say about you (and your spouse?)
1 year ago