Shelle Edit: I was going to go on my regular rampage about our Guest Blogger today. I've seen her around, I know her to be intelligent, and I've been on her blog, reading some time consuming material, but she explains herself better on her profile, "My life has been dramatically changing with life altering events on a consistant annoying basis. I have become full of love, hate, and resentment. Come understand ME, through laughter, tears and the opportunity for friendship" --I highly suggest you read her personal blog. You'll understand why. Thanks ChocoDrop for taking a Giant Leap and writing about this over here, exposing a very varied audience to an almost taboo subject.
Sexually things have changed rather quickly and you two have fought and talked and talked about your dwindling sexual relationship. Suggestions of counseling, a third party (3somes) or an open marriage were all shot down because he "LOVES" me and he doesn't want anyone else. In the back of your mind you wonder is he cheating? Then the bombshell happens after a year you find the unexpected but expected...... You find out he is no doubt looking to stray from your marriage. Your spouse is cheating with a twist.
He is looking/involved with a MAN. Yes a man!!!! Seeing the words and pictures (in black and white) sent back and forth and the things the two MEN were talking about doing was very eye opening. I have to admit that there was a sense of relief knowing it wasn't me!!! Knowing he didn't want me because I was a female and I had the wrong equipment, made it easier. In a blink of an eye all the talks and fighting are now very vivid in my mind with ALL the lies he told.
It's one thing to find out your spouse is cheating, but is it different when the same sex is involved?? How do you handle it? Would you react to it the same way? Before you had to worry about competing with women everywhere but its a whole other can of worms when you are now competing with men.
So my questions are is he sleeping with his buddies?? How many are real buddies and how many are "buddies"?? When he and the guys get together are they shacking up in a motel together instead of at the bar or the golf course?? I mean seriously are we talking a brokeback mountain thing???? Is he being safe? Has he exposed me to things beyond my control. Yep...FEAR is here. All tests NEGATIVE!
The ultimate in a marriage has been betrayed. I didn't marry to be the wife he could hide behind for his escapades!!!!! I didn't marry to be in a sexless marriage, I am to young for that crap!!!! I didn't get the opportunity to make a decision in this!!!
The LIES.....the LIES.....wow!
You can't hurt me with the truth you can only hurt me with a LIE.
ChocDrop
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
The Outside World Doesn't Really Affect Me...
Shelle Edit: I spent a little time on Heather's blog trying to get to know her. The one thing I gathered is that she is smart. She is smart about how she write, which is well, and she is smart about what she writes. You'll see as you read this post... but then go and visit her blog, see if you think the same as me!
There aren't many outside influences that affect my life. I don't get into crazy political debates nor do I talk much about what is going on in the world these days. I don't pay any mind to global warming debates, and I don't read up on my favorite celebrity and what he or she happens to have been seen doing. I don't notice much from the outside world, as the outside world doesn't notice much about my world. I live in a small town in southwest Oklahoma. We buy our meat from the local butcher who gets his meat from the local cattle rancher. Our milk comes from a local dairy that grazes their cattle on local land. I know the Mayor and the Police Chief, and they both know me. We have a local vegetable garden where we can go pick up fruits and veggies and we sometimes venture on out to the big city, population 100,000, to get us some clothes. Like I said, the outside world doesn't really affect me.
At least it didn't used to. Until very recently the outside world had very limited affects on our small community. Of course, our produce has been a big part of our revenue, but we weren't really hurting. Some 50 percent of our families worked on farms, and the rest of us went into the city to work. We picked up jobs as bankers, contractors, nurses, and teachers. We have a couple doctors and some lawyers, and we have a few people who do this and that. The point is, we went to the city, made our money and brought it back into our community. Then the recession finally hit us. It didn't hit us slowly. We didn't have time to adjust or get ready. It came out of nowhere. Suddenly, I had to worry about losing a job I never thought to worry about. My boyfriend went into panic mode and wouldn't spend any money on anything. We didn't go into the city unless we HAD to. He got a local job and started carpooling to work. If his carpool buddy was sick or out of town, he walked to work.
I started getting frustrated. I just wanted to go out to dinner. Take me to McDonalds for Christ's sake! Anywhere, just get me out of the house. So he did. He put me on the back of a fourwheeler and shuttled my unhappy rear end out to the big pond down the road, set out a blanket and pulled out some PBnJ sandwiches. He poured wine into a plastic cup and told me he loved me more now than he ever had and that he was sorry he was being this way. I didn't care anymore. The world stopped affecting me again at that very moment. The economy mattered no more. I realised in that very moment that I do not need dinner at Red Lobster or nice pretty clothes. I only needed him, and he only needed me.
We go out more now, no more pond picnics, but I will never forget what this experience taught me. I found my silver lining and I'll be holding on to him for the rest of my life.
Heather
There aren't many outside influences that affect my life. I don't get into crazy political debates nor do I talk much about what is going on in the world these days. I don't pay any mind to global warming debates, and I don't read up on my favorite celebrity and what he or she happens to have been seen doing. I don't notice much from the outside world, as the outside world doesn't notice much about my world. I live in a small town in southwest Oklahoma. We buy our meat from the local butcher who gets his meat from the local cattle rancher. Our milk comes from a local dairy that grazes their cattle on local land. I know the Mayor and the Police Chief, and they both know me. We have a local vegetable garden where we can go pick up fruits and veggies and we sometimes venture on out to the big city, population 100,000, to get us some clothes. Like I said, the outside world doesn't really affect me.
At least it didn't used to. Until very recently the outside world had very limited affects on our small community. Of course, our produce has been a big part of our revenue, but we weren't really hurting. Some 50 percent of our families worked on farms, and the rest of us went into the city to work. We picked up jobs as bankers, contractors, nurses, and teachers. We have a couple doctors and some lawyers, and we have a few people who do this and that. The point is, we went to the city, made our money and brought it back into our community. Then the recession finally hit us. It didn't hit us slowly. We didn't have time to adjust or get ready. It came out of nowhere. Suddenly, I had to worry about losing a job I never thought to worry about. My boyfriend went into panic mode and wouldn't spend any money on anything. We didn't go into the city unless we HAD to. He got a local job and started carpooling to work. If his carpool buddy was sick or out of town, he walked to work.
I started getting frustrated. I just wanted to go out to dinner. Take me to McDonalds for Christ's sake! Anywhere, just get me out of the house. So he did. He put me on the back of a fourwheeler and shuttled my unhappy rear end out to the big pond down the road, set out a blanket and pulled out some PBnJ sandwiches. He poured wine into a plastic cup and told me he loved me more now than he ever had and that he was sorry he was being this way. I didn't care anymore. The world stopped affecting me again at that very moment. The economy mattered no more. I realised in that very moment that I do not need dinner at Red Lobster or nice pretty clothes. I only needed him, and he only needed me.
We go out more now, no more pond picnics, but I will never forget what this experience taught me. I found my silver lining and I'll be holding on to him for the rest of my life.
Heather
Monday, August 9, 2010
What Would You Rather Episode 10
What Would You Rather The idea is to choose ONE answer. This is just a game so yes the questions are a bit out there and unrealistic. The hard part is in the choosing. So play along and tell us... what would YOU rather and then explain maybe WHY you chose that answer?
1. Would you rather have a lot of friends or a really close BFF?
2. Would you rather love only one person your whole life until they die at a young age and then never love anyone else or not love anyone ever?
3. Would you rather be with someone all your life that loved you but you didn't love them or you can never have the one person you love and you never get over them?
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| Image taken from HERE |
1. Would you rather have a lot of friends or a really close BFF?
2. Would you rather love only one person your whole life until they die at a young age and then never love anyone else or not love anyone ever?
3. Would you rather be with someone all your life that loved you but you didn't love them or you can never have the one person you love and you never get over them?
Thursday, August 5, 2010
VLOG: We are playing a GAME-answer the question you could be the winner!!!
I have no idea why the quality is so bad on this vlog. But here you go. Thought I'd change it up a bit for you guys.
I wanted to play a game. Since we don't make any money on this blog (as of yet, I'd hope to start paying my writers) I can't really offer you a gift card or anything like that.
But what I CAN offer is even cooler anyway!
The first person to guess the right answer to the question I pose on the video is going to be highlighted on THIS blog-Real World Venus vs. Mars!!! (cue crowd cheering wildly now). I also would like to podcast with them as well as highlight them and their other blog or blogs.
It's multiple choice...so guess away!
The question has to deal with what we have been talking about this week--cheating.
Okay so this should go quick. First person with the correct response wins! (Also, no-I am not eating anything, my cheeks just look full all.the.time.)
Love,
Shelle
P.S. I will be traveling. I'm going to visit It Is Just Jules in her hometown. YAY! I'll respond in between flights! Thanks guys.
P.S.S. Don't be a fuddy duddy you know you want to be highlighted! We will make it fun!
I wanted to play a game. Since we don't make any money on this blog (as of yet, I'd hope to start paying my writers) I can't really offer you a gift card or anything like that.
But what I CAN offer is even cooler anyway!
The first person to guess the right answer to the question I pose on the video is going to be highlighted on THIS blog-Real World Venus vs. Mars!!! (cue crowd cheering wildly now). I also would like to podcast with them as well as highlight them and their other blog or blogs.
It's multiple choice...so guess away!
The question has to deal with what we have been talking about this week--cheating.
Okay so this should go quick. First person with the correct response wins! (Also, no-I am not eating anything, my cheeks just look full all.the.time.)
Love,
Shelle
P.S. I will be traveling. I'm going to visit It Is Just Jules in her hometown. YAY! I'll respond in between flights! Thanks guys.
P.S.S. Don't be a fuddy duddy you know you want to be highlighted! We will make it fun!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
There is more to me than just being a Mom of two kids.
Shelle Edit: Andrea isn't really new to the blog. In fact, if it wasn't for Andrea kicking me in the butt to start this blog, I never would have done it. It would have stayed on the floor of my great-ideas-but-to-lazy-to-bring-it-about pile that I leave haphazardly around my bedroom floor. Andrea got busy almost a year after we started the blog. I've missed her terribly and am so glad that she wrote to me and told me she wanted to write this piece. Go visit her personal blog after you read here how she re-invented herself! :)
When I saw the topic about reinventing yourself was up for grabs at Real World, I knew I wanted to write about it. For the past eight years I’ve been a stay at home mom. For the most part I’ve enjoyed that role. But as my kids, 4 and 8 years old, have gone off to school, I find myself wondering what to do with my days. I have been writing for the past couple of years (fiction and pieces for magazines) but I don’t really have a ‘career’.
About a month ago, after nearly a year of debate, I applied to Northern Kentucky University.
Yes, I’m going back to college. It both terrifies me and thrills me. When everything is finished and done, I’ll have a shiny new degree. Then I’ll get to put on heels and skirts and go to work every day (with any luck!)
I wanted this not only for myself, but to show my kids how important it is to have goals. Just because eight years ago I turned off my career and went to work as a mom, it doesn’t mean that’s all I am. I hate being called ‘just a mom’. I would venture to guess plenty of other moms (and at home dads) do as well.
There is a lot more to me than just being a mom of two kids. Making this decision, to in essence reinvent myself, took a lot of courage. It’s easy to get used to being in the same role day after day. But for me I started to feel like the proverbial (and literal) walls were caving in on me. I wanted to have something most people do; the gratification of a meaningful career.
The impact on my family was only one of the things I had to think about before I applied to school. Thankfully, the classes will be via online delivery, making it at least a bit easier. I won’t have to shuffle babysitters and kids around. It will take a lot of dedication on my part to make sure I sit down every day and do the work. Every. Day.
In the end the result will be a happier Mom and a Working Mom. And everyone benefits when mom is happy.
What goals do you have for yourself that haven’t been realized? Isn’t it time to find out how to make them happen?
Blogging Mama-Andrea
When I saw the topic about reinventing yourself was up for grabs at Real World, I knew I wanted to write about it. For the past eight years I’ve been a stay at home mom. For the most part I’ve enjoyed that role. But as my kids, 4 and 8 years old, have gone off to school, I find myself wondering what to do with my days. I have been writing for the past couple of years (fiction and pieces for magazines) but I don’t really have a ‘career’.
About a month ago, after nearly a year of debate, I applied to Northern Kentucky University.
Yes, I’m going back to college. It both terrifies me and thrills me. When everything is finished and done, I’ll have a shiny new degree. Then I’ll get to put on heels and skirts and go to work every day (with any luck!)
I wanted this not only for myself, but to show my kids how important it is to have goals. Just because eight years ago I turned off my career and went to work as a mom, it doesn’t mean that’s all I am. I hate being called ‘just a mom’. I would venture to guess plenty of other moms (and at home dads) do as well.
There is a lot more to me than just being a mom of two kids. Making this decision, to in essence reinvent myself, took a lot of courage. It’s easy to get used to being in the same role day after day. But for me I started to feel like the proverbial (and literal) walls were caving in on me. I wanted to have something most people do; the gratification of a meaningful career.
The impact on my family was only one of the things I had to think about before I applied to school. Thankfully, the classes will be via online delivery, making it at least a bit easier. I won’t have to shuffle babysitters and kids around. It will take a lot of dedication on my part to make sure I sit down every day and do the work. Every. Day.
In the end the result will be a happier Mom and a Working Mom. And everyone benefits when mom is happy.
What goals do you have for yourself that haven’t been realized? Isn’t it time to find out how to make them happen?
Blogging Mama-Andrea
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
He Said She Said: Should your Significant Other know?
Two of our contributors are asked to take opposing stances on an issue and present a case for their viewpoint. Comment and tell us who you agree with or what you believe or think! The topics are suppose to elicit a response and start a conversation in comments. Enjoy!
TOPIC: What my significant other doesn't know, won't hurt them. You agree with this or not? Should your significant other know?
Shelle Edit: I have needed to add this to the He Said She Said before this week, but have always forgotten for one reason or another. This blog is for ANYONE that would like to blog about their relationship(s) no matter how closed or open they would like to be. This week the He Said She Said topic was on "what they don't know won't hurt them". So I feel like I need to preface this one with a Disclaimer ;) -- The opinions expressed here are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Real World Venus vs. Mars owners.
She Said: Heels N Stockings
I've been with my husband for 21 years and for most part, I have been faithful, but the intimacy in our relationship is gone despite my vast attempts to entice and encourage him. I've asked him to go to the marriage counseling and he won't. I've dressed up in lingerie to help put him in the mood and I was laughed at for the effort.
We haven't had sex for over a year now and before then, the frequency of sex was sparse and mostly one-sided; he was done and off me before I could get anything out of it. I got so tired and sick of the hurt that came from constantly having to ask for him to touch or kiss me. I gave him an ultimatum - that either he paid intimate and emotional attention to me or the marriage was over. He chose not to take me seriously.
A few years ago I had an affair. It wasn't something I had planned...but it was amazing because someone actually wanted me. I'd forgotten what that felt like. Since then, I've enjoyed other affairs.
I do not seek a new partner. I do not wish to introduce a new person to my children because their lives are at such a key stage of growing up. But I came to realization some years ago - I had lost myself. When I am with my lover, I am me. They hold me, they see me, they listen to me. It keeps me smiling and make me have a feeling of self worth. I feel whole again.
Yes, I could leave him and divorce him...but the fact is I can't afford to. I am the major earner in the house, he lost his job some time ago and has a low paying job while he is looking for something better. Separation would bring financial pain and would effect the children.
I don't tell him as I don't want the status quo for the children to change. It won't hurt the kids if he doesn't know. So, I lie to him.
He Said: Nolens Volens
My wife and I have been together almost 12 years now; married for 10 years next month. We learned from each other that it is important to each other that we make the choices together. We made a promise that we would tell each other everything. I don't mean EVERYTHING. Sure, I tell her little white lies and I am sure she has done the same to me.
What we have not done is violate that promise. When I find a woman that I would like to get to "know better", I let my wife know about her. Why do we play with others when we are deeply committed to each other? My wife dropped a bombshell on me about 11 years ago when she confessed to me that she was bi-curious (now openly bisexual). When my wife finds a woman that she would love to have in her bed, she tells me about her. We do not have an open marriage because that infers we have our "play time" with others...on our own. No, we play with others...together.
We have had sexual relations with other people since we got married and we are still faithful to each other - by that, I mean we have never had any sexual relation with another person without each other's knowledge and consent. We agreed that we would get divorced if either one of us cheated.
I am not making excuses for HnS, but I certainly understand why she does what she does. Would I do the same thing if I ever find myself in the same situation like HnS did? I can't say "No" without any doubt in my mind, but I think that I would tell my wife.
Do you feel that sometimes what your significant other doesn't KNOW doesn't HURT them? Or does sometimes knowing still hurt them? Should the significant other know or not?
TOPIC: What my significant other doesn't know, won't hurt them. You agree with this or not? Should your significant other know?
Shelle Edit: I have needed to add this to the He Said She Said before this week, but have always forgotten for one reason or another. This blog is for ANYONE that would like to blog about their relationship(s) no matter how closed or open they would like to be. This week the He Said She Said topic was on "what they don't know won't hurt them". So I feel like I need to preface this one with a Disclaimer ;) -- The opinions expressed here are the views of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the Real World Venus vs. Mars owners.
She Said: Heels N Stockings
I've been with my husband for 21 years and for most part, I have been faithful, but the intimacy in our relationship is gone despite my vast attempts to entice and encourage him. I've asked him to go to the marriage counseling and he won't. I've dressed up in lingerie to help put him in the mood and I was laughed at for the effort.
We haven't had sex for over a year now and before then, the frequency of sex was sparse and mostly one-sided; he was done and off me before I could get anything out of it. I got so tired and sick of the hurt that came from constantly having to ask for him to touch or kiss me. I gave him an ultimatum - that either he paid intimate and emotional attention to me or the marriage was over. He chose not to take me seriously.
A few years ago I had an affair. It wasn't something I had planned...but it was amazing because someone actually wanted me. I'd forgotten what that felt like. Since then, I've enjoyed other affairs.
I do not seek a new partner. I do not wish to introduce a new person to my children because their lives are at such a key stage of growing up. But I came to realization some years ago - I had lost myself. When I am with my lover, I am me. They hold me, they see me, they listen to me. It keeps me smiling and make me have a feeling of self worth. I feel whole again.
Yes, I could leave him and divorce him...but the fact is I can't afford to. I am the major earner in the house, he lost his job some time ago and has a low paying job while he is looking for something better. Separation would bring financial pain and would effect the children.
I don't tell him as I don't want the status quo for the children to change. It won't hurt the kids if he doesn't know. So, I lie to him.
He Said: Nolens Volens
My wife and I have been together almost 12 years now; married for 10 years next month. We learned from each other that it is important to each other that we make the choices together. We made a promise that we would tell each other everything. I don't mean EVERYTHING. Sure, I tell her little white lies and I am sure she has done the same to me.
What we have not done is violate that promise. When I find a woman that I would like to get to "know better", I let my wife know about her. Why do we play with others when we are deeply committed to each other? My wife dropped a bombshell on me about 11 years ago when she confessed to me that she was bi-curious (now openly bisexual). When my wife finds a woman that she would love to have in her bed, she tells me about her. We do not have an open marriage because that infers we have our "play time" with others...on our own. No, we play with others...together.
We have had sexual relations with other people since we got married and we are still faithful to each other - by that, I mean we have never had any sexual relation with another person without each other's knowledge and consent. We agreed that we would get divorced if either one of us cheated.
I am not making excuses for HnS, but I certainly understand why she does what she does. Would I do the same thing if I ever find myself in the same situation like HnS did? I can't say "No" without any doubt in my mind, but I think that I would tell my wife.
Do you feel that sometimes what your significant other doesn't KNOW doesn't HURT them? Or does sometimes knowing still hurt them? Should the significant other know or not?
Monday, August 2, 2010
Group Therapy: Divorce-Leave or Forgive-Second Chances
If you were to walk in on your significant other cheating on you, how would you react?
Would Divorce/leaving be a definite? No matter what they said or did? Or would you consider forgiving them and giving them another chance?
I'll give my answer in comments, but my friends and I discuss this a lot and I'm truly surprised at their responses.
What about you guys?
Let us know in comments.
Would Divorce/leaving be a definite? No matter what they said or did? Or would you consider forgiving them and giving them another chance?
I'll give my answer in comments, but my friends and I discuss this a lot and I'm truly surprised at their responses.
What about you guys?
Let us know in comments.
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