Wednesday, May 13, 2009

With this ring

6 months ago my hubby smashed his ring finger. His finger started to swell around his ring. It has been a tight fit for years now so he had to have it cut off. The ring, not his finger. :) Anyway the jeweler said to give it a few months to make sure all the swelling was down and then he'd resize it for him. 

A few months went by and he had it refitted. He wore it for awhile. 

But then he wasn't and I admit it took me awhile to notice but then I was like Uh babe? Where's your ring. You know, THE ring? The one you recieved at our wedding? The one that usually stays on the ring finger? 

He tells me that he doesn't like how it feels and it keeps getting caught on things when he is working. He works on copiers and likes to rebuild cars and stuff so I understand. 

But what about the times when your NOT working? I think he forgets to put it back on. I know he still loves me and it is committed but I have to admit it bothers me some. I want people to know that he is my man and I want them to know that he is married! 

Is that wrong? I have mentioned that if he doesn't like the way it feels then lets find a different one, or just a plain band, but he hasn't been to excited by the idea. 

So ladies and gents, what do you think? It's suppose to be a symbol of your love for one another but do you think that is really all that important?


K said...

This topic always brings up a good discussion in circles of friends in my past. I think it is a difficult one, because every person and every couple has their own opinion and feelings about wedding bands and their significance. For me, I like it that my hubby wears his all the time, I don't think he's ever taken it off except once when he was doing some high engineering work on his ship. For me, I prefer to wear my ring too but right now my finger is too swollen from pregnancy to wear it. I don't like the feeling of not wearing it. But in my heart and mind I am still wearing it. But in the end, I see our rings as only symbols showing me physically what I know is in our hearts.

natasha the exile on Mom Street said...

Obviously, what's most important is what the two of you feel in your hearts.

That said, I feel utterly naked when I'm in public and realize that I've forgotten to put my wedding rings on. My husband feels the same way.

Yours might like the idea of a comfort-fit titanium band which is cheap, super-durable, and extremely light-weight. When I worked in the jewelry business it was just the thing for many men who didn't want to know that they were wearing a ring.

The only downside is that it can't be sized or cut off of a finger because it's so strong. So I wouldn't recommend that he wear it for work. But the rest of the time, he won't even feel like there is anything on his finger.

"Cookie" said...

I think the "ring" is a symbol. Obviously, a couple can have a wonderful, loving marriage without one....BUT :)

I like the fact that my husband and I both wear one. It's something that symbolizes our marriage and vows to one another. I believe I would honestly be a little upset if he decided one day not to wear his ring...not to mention that it lets other ladies know my hottie is married. :)

Kimberly Wright said...

Not important, however I like my husband to wear one because it signifies to the ladies that he is taken. My husband wears his ring, me, I am a pure hypocrite and have not worn a wedding band in 13 years. I also didn't take my husband's last name either.

Cajoh said...

I never knew how I would take to wearing a ring since I never wore jewelery— even a watch around my wrist was bothersome which is why I have a pocket watch. But the cool thing is I never take my ring off. I may switch fingers so that it doesn't fall off when I'm swimming in the lake, but have kept my ring on for close to ten years now.

TisforTonya said...

I stopped wearing my ring during my last pregnancy... not because it didn't feel good but because it wouldn't go past my knuckle... seriously!

I tried wearing it afterward but had to wait awhile because I was... well, fat.

Then I lost a lot of weight, my finger was so SLIM!
Then I lost my ring.

I have a "fake" that I wear for occasions - but on a daily basis I don't feel like I need to bling my finger... it's not like guys are hitting on me when I'm out shopping with my 5 kids!

So, yeah - it's a symbol - I was good about wearing it for 11 years, and I'll wear it again (if it ever shows up... or is replaced...) but for now... I'm not freaking out.

(says the girl who almost DIED when her husband of 6 hours lost his wedding band before the reception began)

he found it later... but our reception pictures have him in a paper wedding band (whose idea was that?)

Missty said...

Oh good topic. Here is our great "ring" story. Matt has ALWAYS worn it, never to have taken it off - ever. About 3 years ago, it was so tight, we had to get it cut off, the jewler said to wait a few months and come back in. Well, a few months went by, the holidays were coming up - so we were busy. Even though I mentioned it a few times. Christmas was coming up and we decided since we were saving for a big vacation we wouldn't buy for each other. Christmas eve. night as we were sleeping in our very umcomfortable sofa sleeper we had then. (inlaws were in our comfy bed) He pulled out his ring - he took it to the jewlers and had it resized, and put it on that Christmas eve. night. Its been back on his finger ever since.

I was thrilled and so happy - best Christmas gift.

He's a keeper, I know.

But, I know other couples that don't wear rings. No big deal to them.

I say if its important to your spouse you need to consider whatever it is.
So, he should consider this is important to you and figure out something to wear.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

My husband wore his everyday until he lost it 5 years into our marriage.

I immediately got online and bought him a COOLER new titanium ring. IT's freaking awesome.

He wears it everyday since he got it... we are going on 10 years of marriage.

BUT... it still IS just a symbol. I went and got him a new ring right away because he felt REALLY bad about losing the other one... he said he felt naked without it on. Plus the ring we picked out... LOVE it way more than the old one.

If it bugs you though... then you should definitely find something he can wear to work.

I know the ring doesn't keep girls from picking up on my guy... they do it while I'm there and so I'm sure he still gets it alot when I'm not around...

But I get him all the time... and I'm a bit prideful cause I love that other women think he's cute :)

Cameron said...

Did he get his finger smashed because the ring caught on something? If so, I could definitely see him hesitating to wear it regularly. Did he wear the ring all the time before his finger was smashed?

I have a buddy who smashed part of his hand in a machinery accident, the ring had to be cut off and his finger never really returned to a normal shape. They never replaced his ring, and I don't think it woudl fit properly if they did.

Anonymous said...

My husband wears his ring except when he cycles. But when he was a police officer he didn't wear his good ring we actually had a second one in case it got lost or mucked up. I think it would bother me if he didn't wear it. I only take mine off to sleep or go running because it bugs me when when I do either of those things because I have two rings and they pinch my fingers.

If it bugs you tell him (or tell him I will come beat him up. What else is a sister for? ;)

Anjeny said...

Everyone has a good point here...pretty much said what I was thinking. Yes the ring is a symbol of your love and commitment to one another but if he is worried about the ring getting caught on something and hurting, then he does have valid reason not to want to wear the ring. On the other hand, if it really mean that much to you that he wears the ring, then he should get a simple wedding band to wear so he doesn't have to worry about it become an hazardous thing for him.

My hubby works on cars, too and likes to build things around our house that requires him to use any power tools but he doesn't take his ring off for any reason. You should express to him how it bothers him that he doesn't wear his ring, express your understanding of why he may not want to wear it and then you two should see about getting him a simple wedding band...those are less to worry about.

Love the post...another great one.

valerie said...

Cameron-Yes! He smashed it while working on a car. He also had the comfort fit that someone suggested also. He wore it everyday before that though.

Blogging Mama-You can come beat him up if you want!

It's not bugging me a ton but just a wee bit so I think I will bring it up again and suggest getting another ring or something if he doesn't like the one he has now. I always wear mine and I hate when I forget. I've even driven down the street and noticed, and drove back home to get them. lol

dadshouse said...

As a single dad, I'm always checking a woman's ring finger to see if it's empty. If there's a wedding band there, I won't approach her. If there's no ring, I'll flirt.

So, from a male outsider's point of view, a ring is an important symbol to wear in public.

I have no idea if women do the same ring checking game or not, and even if they do, how many start up a conversation? Not many.

MakingChanges said...

I like Hubby to wear his ring- ALL THE TIME! I have issues like that. Not that I don't trust him, I just don't trust the ladies around him. No, seriously, I don't mind ladies checking him out, heck, I still check him out. I just mind it if ladies hit on him. The ring should be a BIG sign to ward off ladies who wish to step on my turf!

Heidi said...

He could wear it on his right hand like they do in Germany . . .

Keely said...

Three little words: Tattoos are forever.

Just sayin'.

MakingChanges said...

Keely- brilliant idea. This would satisfy my tattoo fixation and make sure that Hubby is "wearing" his ring. I'm gonna have to run it by him!

DGB said...

I totally dig wearing my wedding ring and would feel a bit lost without it. That about sums up how I feel about my wife too.

* said...

great discussion topic. I think a wedding ring symbolizes that you're in fact, a married person. But then again, in our modern-day society, people still disregard that all the time. It's a strange, strange world.

Dianna@KennedyAdventures said...

To me, wearing your wedding ring, whether you are male or female, is uber-important. I feel lost and naked without mine, and nearly cried myself silly when I thought my husband lost his. (he didn't) For me, it's a symbol of love, and fidelity, and I hear echos of our vows when I look at it. (not to mention, I've got a darn beautiful diamond!)
Great topic!