Monday, May 4, 2009

ME time...

My time...

Okay, so we have had a lot of posts where we have talked about keeping our spouse first in our relationship, taking time for each other, remembering that marriage is something you GET to work at...and to stay away from being the POTATO in the marriage.

We (My husband and I) do ALL that as a couple.  We go to the movies, the late show, once or twice a week!

At night...I have to have my husband spoon next to me in order to fall asleep (which is completely his fault, because when we were first married I hated it...I couldn't fall asleep...but the guy is persistent and now, when he goes on trips, I'm a complete and utter mess cause I can't sleep--who DOES that to someone they love...HUH?  HUH? Just saying, Mr. Anonymous--and NO your length-like-post comments do NOT count as a post!)

So on average... we pay attention to our marriage.

Having said all that AND understanding it.

Here's something REAL about my relationship.

I want ME time.

Seriously, just ME time.

I want to go and kidnap a girl friend and chat, gossip, and laugh the night away.

I've been tempted to get a hotel room for a couple of days and bring a STACK of books, and closet myself in, and READ at my leisure the WHOLE time.

Ya get it?

My husband.

He's the complete opposite.  The guy doesn't really care to hang out with other people that much, (I mean he will--he's great at socializing, one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place--he just doesn't "prefer" it), he is always wanting to hang out with me.  

I know ladies...aaahhhhh...I know.

But...a girl needs her girls to agree with everything she says, not a guy who wants to fix everything that is wrong...or a girl just needs her OWN brain to live in HER world for awhile, to contemplate how to solve all of the worlds problems! hehehe

I swear when we were dating the guy was WAY more social and independent and I was wrapped up in him so much that you couldn't find where I started and he ended...but along the way I lost a little bit of who I was.  So I started having to make time for myself...

But it seems that the longer we are married...the more he would just rather be a homebody and hang out with me and the kids.  It's sweet...

But I think it is good for a couple to be apart.  Do things on their own that only THEY enjoy--I'm sorry, but I'm a girl and I enjoy different things then my husband.  For instance, I LOVE to read--my husband opens a book, and it is a sure fire way for him to fall asleep.

Maybe I'm justifying my alone time...but I honestly feel that I appreciate him more when we have time apart...

Not time apart because we are fighting, or time apart because we can't handle the stress, but time apart on GOOD terms and because we are fulfilling other things that makes us who we are independent of our spouses.

This isn't a problem in our marriage...he gives me MY time...and occasionally steals time for himself.

But it just got me to I alone in the way I feel?  

Do you guys steal time for yourselves?  How are your spouses?  Can you define yourself outside of being so and so's wife/husband?  Do you even want to?




Anjeny said...

Oh wow!! I get to be

Ok Shelle, you totally stole my thoughts...completely..eheheh. That is just the way I hubby is a homebody too, loves spending time with me and the kids. I love that too but of course since I'm home all day, I do relish my "ME TIME".

And he encourage it too because he knows whenever I go out for my ladies night out or just out walking with my friends for an hour or so, I am a lot happier, less cranky.

I don't have to steal time for myself, my family knows I have a monthly thing where I meet with a group of ladies making and exchanging greeting cards and socializing. My hubby has learned to schedule things around that so it's been great.

Of course any chance I get where I can go hang with my friends, I jump at

You are definitely not alone.

K said...

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I can't actually remember the last time I was truly alone for an unlimited amount of time. My hubby works 12-14 hour days, comes home and spends the rest of the evening with me and our daughter until we go to bed, so he too doesn't get any alone time. I get at least alone time during my daughter's nap, but somehow that doesn't really count since I'm thinking of her the entire time.

I've asked my husband if he needs time to do anything on his own, and he says no, he'd rather spend it with me. I love spending time with him, too; however, what I'd really love to have before our second child is born this month is some unlimited alone time where I can go to a bookstore or a coffee shop or anywhere, just me, without any agenda or time constraint or demands. I think the last time I had that was before my daughter was born two years ago. Is this normal for a parent? I guess so. For now, I treasure the hour or so I get during my daughter's nap and the 'alone' time I have on the weekends while my husband plays with our daughter so I can get the wreck of our house in order for the week to come. Alone in the mind while I clean can be great if that's all I can get, but usually I find myself missing my hubby and daughter after a short time so I end up back with them.

The Blonde Duck said...

I think it's important for everyone to have time for themselves, no matter what age you are--even children. I'll get up extremely early just to have some time to myself. I used to be sad when my husband would ask for time alone, but then I realized I could get so much done!

"Cookie" said...

My husband and I both believe in "alone" time or hanging out with friends. We live in a wonderful neighborhood and have met some great friends.

There are five of us ladies who have ladies' night every 1st Thursday of the month. we take turns hosting. it's fabulous!!! wE have a wonderful meal, some good wine, lots of laughs and girl chats.

My husband....he normally picks a sport that's in season (basketball, softball) and will play with some buddies. that's his "alone" time.

It works for us and gives both of us time to hang out. Love it!!

TisforTonya said...

I swear, considering where we live, I'd be a little worried about a big polygamy scheme going on if I hadn't seen photos of MSM and seen for myself that he wasn't M.O.T.H.

although... it WOULD make a great made-for-TV movie...

I grew up in a homebody household - had to learn social graces all on my own, and dated/married an outgoing guy... only I mistook his need for hiking/biking/camping to be the kind of outgoing I am (friends/games/get togethers with lots of food...)

oh well, we make it work - but I do have to occasionally pull a "Thelma and Louise" - of course, never having actually SEEN that movie, my definition is to get away for a day or two with girlfriends... we'll skip the car over the cliff bit.

valerie said...

We for sure have time apart. He likes to hunt for animals, and I like to hunt for shopping bargains. I think it's important for both of us to each have our own "me" time. Like someone else said, I think it makes us appreciate being together more. And then I don't have to stick a fork in him for being around too much. Hee Hee.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Anjeny--that's true for me also Anjeny. When I get MY TIME... I'm such a better person. It's SOOO true!

Kimberly--it doesn't count if it's during nap time OR cleaning time... YOUR TIME counts if its something you TRULY love to do... or if it's just PLAIN girl time. That's my definition anyway, but I'm just one girl!!! The alone time gets even scarcer with the more kid you have!

The Blonde Duck-- it's true... WE DO get a lot more done... but again, my ALONE time, my ME time... is out with the girls or an activity I LOVE to do that's involves JUST ME!

Cookie Crums--that sound like SOOOO much fun. I moved away from a neighborhood like that and mourn it constantly! Where I live now it's a tad bit harder to find that kind of group! I'm So jealous!

T- we should all go out to dinner then... if your husband is anything like mine... they actually might get a long!!! Then our girls nights are more excusable! lol!

Valerie-LOL @ hunt for animals and hunt for shopping bargains. I'm definitely a better ME when I've shopped and found a good deal!!! lol!

Hey... and good idea about the fork... I might use that! :)

Rachel Sue said...

You are so NOT alone. I love having me time. I hate it when my husband comes to bed the same time that I do, because I don't go to bed. I sit quietly and read, or think and just basically unwind. And then he can come to bed. But I need that time to keep my mind from exploding. I so know what you mean!

Anjeny said...

Kimberly...can I congratulate you on the soon to be addition to your family? I was reading your comment and it made me thought back to when we had our first child. I was like you, didn't want to leave her, everywhere I go, she was with me. My only alone time was when she was napping and I was like that, when I have hubby watch her and give me time to myself, I ended up missing them. So I know it's hard, I think that comes with the territory.

Maybe you could hire a babysitter for an hour or so and go to the place you listed..a bookstore would be great, at least that way you can get yourself a book and you could feel like you did something productive if you feel guilty for being away. I know it's going to be very hard because every baby cry you hear, you'd jumped at it thinking it's your baby but you do need a little time for yourself.

Once the second baby comes, it's going to get even more difficult to get your little alone time during naps because they both will be taking different naps. Hope this helps.

Shelle, you are more than welcome to move to my neighborhood..well not precisely my neighborhood but my side of the we can go "hang" I think you would certainly liven things up for my group..eheheh.

Mr. Anonymous said...

You are not alone in your thinking Shelle. Everyone needs their own time. Whether it is to unwind, destress or chat with friends. It sounds like MSM is okay with you getting some "me" time, so go enjoy it.

I am just saying,

Mr Anonymous

P.S. Does this short post comments count as a post for me?

MakingChanges said...

I am so there with you. I love my alone time. I have even blogged about that on my own site- but mainly that I have to have time away from the kids, but that it does include my hubby. I love to sit and just hear...NOTHING!

Hubby was totally social when we were dating, now he loves to sit at his computer and tinker and I get stuck at home. The other night we even talked about this.

I had spent the good portion of a Saturday having me time. I went to Heidi's get-together and then later that night I went to a b-day party for a friend who is widowed (at 35- I know...). It was a great time, but Hubby was a little perturbed because I am really only home on Sat and Sun in the evening, so that is when we are supposed to spend time together. I totally get his feelings, but can't I have it both ways?

Tiffany said...

Absolutely, I think everyone needs time alone, to just be alone with their own thoughts for a while. It's good to have girlfriend time too. I'm a firm believer in taking time for yourself, in order to be the best person you can be, which in turn makes your marriage all the better!

Loralee and the gang... said...

I can sooo relate to this . . . my problem comes in the form of - my husband works from home, so he is rarely away, and I need him to be away more right now to appreciate him. (Does that make sense?) I know it the opposite problem of most women, and I don't know how to deal with it. Well, I have been dealing with it, but not very well. Like, say, hanging out as much as I can in a diffent part of the house, etc.

Anonymous said...

y'als men need some hobbies or something. But I reckon the bride would maybe say she needed alone time, but she wouldn't say she needed time away from me. I'd be all for her going with her friends to a juke or wherever. Would suit me fine. I do my own thing whenever I wanna. I don't know what it would be like to be with any other person all the time, even the bride. hmmmmm

I dunno this one is over my head I reckon.

wendy said...

YES---YES----YES---I love my ME time. I think spouses need to continue to cultivate the things that make them WHO they are. The individual they were meant to be. That means time to yourselves to do those things you love----and maybe spouse does not. It's a good thing, healthy thing
You can't suffocate people and make them feel alive.

Unknown said...

You most definately have to have ME time. Other wise you loose yourself and only become so and so's spouse. I have my me time and he has his him time and we have our together time. I either go by myself or with the girls for trips for the weekend and he goes with his guys on baseball, basketball or golfing trips. I don't mind being known as the spouse, but I also want to be known as me too!

Missty said...

Great topic.

I use to feel I never had alone time. Now every day, I have it, or most days. All my kids are in school or almost grown. So, I have my days, and am ready for my husband or boys later in the afternoon or evening. I LOVE the house all quiet while I do whatever it is I want or need to do.

Missty said...

Oh and I wanted to mention about the can you define yourself outside being so and so's spouse or parent. It use to bother me that, that is ALL I was known as. But as I have gotten older. It doesn't bother me. I can't think of anything better than being my husbands wife, or one of my boys mother. Now it is more prideful, how I am so proud of what they have become, so um, yeah I am their mom or his wife.

Unknown said...

We all need me time whether we spend it doing things with others who are looking for me time or truly by ourselves. I enjoy me my time reading or going out for a coffee. Actually going out alone for coffee with a book is pretty much perfection for me.

And Mr A, I'm late to the commenting but no, it doesn't count :)