Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Group Therapy: Commitment

Welcome to Group Therapy:

I didn't have a write in (please feel free to send in your questions or concerns on marriage or relationships for our Wednesday Group Therapy Sessions) so I thought I'd use this time to bring up something I have been thinking about lately.

What does it take to have a Long Lasting Relationship?

What is the secret?

I read articles that friendship was the key...but I think that is to simple. That is why you begin a relationship, but not fully why it lasts.

Love? Definitely...but that doesn't always get you through the rough times, some people love each other and STILL get divorced.

So as I browsed and read and wasted several hours minutes one word kept popping up that for me seems to be the key to our marriage. Sure we have only been married for 10 years, but by some standards that's a really LONG time!

That word is commitment.

I don't think enough couples take that seriously or respectfully. I think commitment weathers you through the storms or those times that you question WHY you love your partner or HOW you are friends with them. Commitment is telling that other person, "hey, I'm in it for the long haul, so even if I want to really walk out and leave you and this situation, I'm not going to because I said 'til death do us part' or 'forever' or 'I'll change your diapers when you no longer can'", whatever it is you said. You made a promise and I think believing and knowing there is no other option than the two of you for as long as you made that commitment, I think it changes the way you go about handling certain situations.

Knowing that if you walk out on something unresolved that it will just be waiting for you when you get back to resolve it, may help you to just turn around and face it, get the situation resolved, and move on with life.

Commitment: the secret to a long lasting relationship?

You tell me? If you had to choose ONE thing that was the key to a relationship lasting what word pops in your mind?



heelsnstocking said...

Love is the one for me. Commitment is hard to keep as life changes and so do people. Love adapts or at least it has the ability to.

Commitment for me is the adherance to a contract, its not about making someone happy.


SciFi Dad said...

I don't know, that's kind of like saying freshness is the key to long-lasting fruit... it's implied.

I'd say the key is communication. Without it, you're pretty much doomed.

Cherie said...

I think there are so many different components to a long lasting marraige. Love is definately a must and commitment also a need.
My hubs and I have been married going on 26 years and we went into it totally commited that was never an issue, we are still madly in love - much more now than when we got married even but there is something that I would contribute here that has made all the difference for us and that is doing everything we can on a daily basis to make the other happy.
So I guess the word would be "Serve" but it is so much more. It is putting your spouse on a pedestal, it is saying the words your spouse wants/needs to hear, it is doing things around the house to make life easier for them, it is listening, it is thinking before you speak on essense it is treating your spouse, the one you love, the one you want to spend eternity with with complete adoration and love!

DCHY said...

For me, it's the C's...communication, commitment, courage. Friendship is a key component because that infers respect and love for each other.

Heidi Ashworth said...

I agree, commitment is huge. Along with that is integrity. If we don't have that, our commitment means nothing. People who use "situational ethics" to justify their leaving in spite of their marriage vows of commitment, have no integrity. Recognizing that you need to stay in the marriage even if you are bored or unhappy or frustrated takes integrity. Of course, if something is seriously wrong, divorce is something one has to consider--but it seems that so many people get divorced over things that are so minor.

Mae Rae said...

i need to agree with COMMUNICATION. Commitment is key, but without communication who really knows what the other considers go be commitment. I have been married to my husband for 19 years, before that we were dating for 2 years and "playing" for 7 years. That makes a grand total of 28 years. That is more than half of my life. With the exception of my dad, I feel like my husband is the only one who ever really listens.

I can read his body language and know when he is sick before he knows it, he reads my body language and can tell the same thing. We can look at each other across a crowded room and know what each other is thinking.

Communication is KEY!

Kate said...

i agree totally with 'communication'... be it verbal or body language, there must be effective communication for a relationship to work and last.
nice post!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I love hearing your ideas... and I thought about each one of those... I did.

But if communication is KEY then why do we sometimes lose track of friends, whom we seem to communicate really well with? I have a few close friends, ones I love and hold dear to my heart, that of course we communicate well! But if we get in a fight or miscommunicate I have no real reason to patch things up if I don't want to... ya know what I mean?

See that is where commitment comes in. IN the relationship where we take vows whether in front of God, friends and family, or ourselves we make a promise to stay together and work on things like love and communication.

That's my humble opinion.

I do agree that communication is very very important don't get me wrong...

I'm just saying that is why I as in ME came up with Commitment.

I LOVe what you guys are saying though and agree with everyone so far on things that are definitely important in a LONG LASTING relationship that is also happy and solid.

Evonne said...

I agree that commitment is key to a long-lasing relationship. Communication is also key, but HONESTY must go with the communication.

I also think that to make it last, you need to find things to do together as a couple, like date nights. Even if it's once a month, time has to be put aside for it.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Evonne--that's so true! Nice addition! Date nights are a way to re-bond

~Kenny said...

Look Commitment is so over rated...seriously! You are so close to the root of the actual word which is committed. As in "IF your crazy ass does not quit bithcin about my parents I am gonna have you committed"

Which brings me to the second key ingredient to a long lasting marriage...pain killers whether it's Vicodin or Golf there has to be pain killers. I mean without some sort of occasional from of relief after about 15 years you are gonna start wondering "Hmmm where did I put my sidearm and my hollow points"

The next important ingredient is masturbation...learn it it when Date night doesn't wrap up the way you planned (Cuz you are married and one of your kids just crawled into bed) you are gonna need some relief from the frustration otherwise momma is gonna end up turning the washer on spin cycle and sitting on top and Daddy might just shoot someone's out with that thing.

Finally, I really need you to pay attention here..OK?..Are you listening to me?? Now I know the foofy headed..sunshine luvin...Unicorn Chasin..Smiley faces of the world will tell you the secret of of a good marriage all boils down to saying those three magic know..say them over and over again..."I Love You" but they are wrong. They are oh so wrong and I am willing to bet all of them end up divorcing. Cuz really the secret of a successful marriage really only takes two words. Two words which of course need to be repeated often. Two words which are gonna save you a lot of grief. You're dying to know now aren't ya?!!..."Yes Dear"

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Kenny--I feel we can all learn from the YES DEAR key for sure! lol. Please tell us how your really feel! :)

heelsnstocking said...

Kenny is using the phrase yes dear not demonstrating comprimise? and I dont mean that negatively like your giving in, comprimise is something we give is we care enough for our partners.

heelsnstocking said...

missed comma out after kenny! it reads wrong without it! sounds like im a school teach doing a lecture and it was meant as a reply to him x (oops and soz)

Joanna Cake said...


For two separate and discrete entities to rub along together for long periods of time, they must be able to do individual stuff and then come back together to share all that they've learned.

But they also have to accept that they are individuals who form a couple and not be reliant on the other person to make them happy. Both parties actively encouraging each other to grow and develop outside of the union so that they can bring all that they have learned back to share together.