Saturday, April 3, 2010

Stats, Funnies

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:


Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe.
If you see husband along the way,
be modest and smile pleasantly.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror --
make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use wash cloth , long loofah,
wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for
10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut
and jaffa cake body wash .

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Rinse off.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, be modest and smile pleasantly.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed
and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her
making the woo-hoo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry only butt cheeks and forearms.

Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,
and light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her
and make the woo-hoo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this,
there is something SO very wrong with you.
Have a great day..... and woo-hwoo!!!

STATS

Where they click

17 jsgotgame.blogspot.com/
13 www.extremeparenthood.com/
10 anothersuburbanmom.blogspot.com/
9 alienus-kairos.blogspot.com/
9 www.extremeparenthood.com/
8 blokthoughtsnmore.blogspot.com/
5 itisjustjules.blogspot.com/

Where they live.

400 80.00% United States United States
48 9.60% United Kingdom United Kingdom
29 5.80% Canada Canada
6 1.20% India India
4 0.80% Australia Australia
3 0.60% Philippines Philippines
3 0.60% Belgium Belgium
1 0.20% Germany Germany
1 0.20% Greece Greece
1 0.20% New Zealand New Zealand
1 0.20% Malaysia Malaysia
1 0.20% Saudi Arabia Saudi Arabia
1 0.20% France France
1 0.20% Iceland Iceland


HEHEHE How they found us!

5.88% venus older than mars
2.94% giving up on intimacy
2.94% If distance makes the heart grow fonder... then why do people get restraining orders?

2.94% when spouse finds you resentful
2.94% if v HATE someone,v tel it 2 evryone witout any fear.But if v LOVE someone, v fear even 2 tell d lov

2.94% tease my hubby
2.94% wife jealous of my female friends
2.94% when can an infant be diagnosed with autism
2.94% choose spouse over kids
2.94% spouse overly positive or negative
2.94% going over board for a prom dress
2.94% dont try to change your partner
2.94% negative comments from spouse
2.94% separation makes the heart grow fonder
2.94% i am jealous of husband's female friends
2.94% who should come first your spouse or best friend
2.94% touch my heart -song -music -lyrics
2.94% venus vs mars resturant
2.94% tease my husband
2.94% teasing sexy text examples
2.94% wiki "he said she said" therapy
2.94% i don't like my spouse's friend
2.94% how to tease a married man
2.94% venus & mars april 2 2010
2.94% jealous of spouse friends
2.94% just a little homework arthur
2.94% scary things about mars
2.94% teasing texts
2.94% i have a 3 year old and 6 year old - how do stay at home mom's split chores with working spouses?

2.94% husband is jealous of my male friend
2.94% spouse jealous of friends
2.94% tease my man
2.94% tease a man by email

LITTLE VITO ON GETTING OLDER



Little Vito was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after

another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said to him,

"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you

acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."



Little Vito replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."



The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"



Little Vito answered, "No He minded his own business".

Y'all have a big ole Easter!

8 comments:

WannabeVirginia W. said...

Crap am I the only one inside in this wonderful gorgeous weather. I am definitely a "shut in".

That is how I shower. Don't forget the apply moisturizer on face and lotion on body after shower.

heelsnstocking said...

Isn't that the truth, sad thing is hubby hasn't flashed his weiner at me for years but does still manage to tick all other boxes and add in a protien treatment for my hair and a head to toe salt scrub pre shower please!

SheSaid/HeSaid said...

Don't forget that after you've scrubbed all the old crap off your skin - you get out of the shower and re-apply facial moisturizer, anti-aging cream, anti-wrinkle cream, deodorant, and body lotion all over again. Vicious circle!

Thanks for making me smile - you must be peeking in our house!

Southern Sage said...

LOL glad y'all liked the funnies!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Sage! So funny! Bwahahahahaha @ vito minding his own business! And interesting stats for sure...YAY!

Wannabe-oh yes! Moisturizer for me after also!!!

Heelnstocking-salt scrub before? How much time does that take? :)

She said/He said-bwahahahahahahah and after shower ritual! LOL

Missty said...

Way Funny Sage!! And I think we do that exact shower ritual here!! Thank you for the laugh!!

Just Jules said...

Shower thing had me choking with laughter. apparently there is a lot of "teasing" research going on

Anjeny said...

Thanks for the laugh, Sage. That is some funny stuff.

WE BELONG