CHICKEN!

Today's topic: What irritating things does your spouse teach your kids that you find annoying, OR, what irritating things do you teach your kids that your spouse finds annoying.

That's a lot of irritating and annoying!

I thought about pointing the finger. About the way the kitchen counters never manage to stay clean, especially after meals or snack time. How nothing ever gets put away where it belongs. Or how the salt shaker is never where it should be but is rather always found in the living room or on my wife's desk. (I'm a 5S sort of guy, and find clutter . . . irritating and annoying.)

Yeah, I thought about going there, but then I remembered that I'm not supposed to use the internets to talk smack about my wife. So I won't go there.

Nope.

Instead, I'll tell you about Joe.

Back in the day, Joe was a client of mine at a day program for individuals with developmental disabilities. His specific diagnosis is not important. For the purpose of this post, I'll just tell you that Joe had a thing for chickens. There was never a topic of discussion so interesting that it couldn't be livened up with a little bit of chicken. We'd be sitting at a table, sorting hangers from a local department store by size or working on some other program-specific task, chatting about the weather or music, and while everyone else chimed in with their individual thoughts or opinions, Joe would inevitably, regardless of the topic or circumstance, shout out . . .

CHICKEN!

And we'd usually laugh it up, obviously reinforcing his behavior. Bad idea, I know. But you had to be there. Sometimes he'd start low, saying it softly, with a mischievous grin . . .

chicken

We'd ignore it as best as possible and try to steer him back to the task at hand. But then he'd just get louder. And add a dash of inflection . . .

chick-KUN!

It was the word and the sound at the same time. An onomatopoeia of sorts. And because it was so damn catchy, someone would repeat it. And then he'd get really loud . . .

CHICKEN!!!!

And that usually did it. We'd do our own unique version of The Chicken Dance, he'd laugh hard, we'd laugh harder, and the day was ruined. It didn't take long for "chicken" to become the automated response offered by the staff to any mundane inquiry:

Boss: "So, what are your plans for the weekend?"
Me: "chicken"

Boss: "Why were you late this morning?"
Me: "chick-KUN?!"

Boss: "Say, could yo-"
Me: "CHICKEN!!"

You get the point. And it spread beyond the front door of the facility. Everywhere were opportunities to use the word CHICKEN!

Then I had kids. And the fun really started! Remember all those songs you learned as a wee one? None were sacred . . .

"Twinkle, twinkle, little - CHICKEN!" "Row, row, row your - CHICKEN!" "All I want for Christmas is my two front - CHICKEN!"

And classic books for children?

"One fish, two fish, red fish, blue - CHICKEN!" Charlotte was, of course, a web-spinning - CHICKEN! George was a very curious - CHICKEN! And that very hungry caterpillar always managed to eat - CHICKEN!

The real fun is coming up with words that rhyme with - CHICKEN! (I'll let you offer yours in the comments . . . )

Needless to say, the game was really afoot when the kids got older and could impose CHICKEN! upon any conversation on their own.

Why is this so annoying? Honestly, I don't know. It makes many of the things my wife enjoys exponentially more entertaining. Take Josh Groban, for instance:

"You raise me up, so I can stand on - CHICKEN!"

Or Daughtry:

"I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the - CHICKEN!"

Or Taylor Swift:

"You're on the phone with your - CHICKEN!"

See? Not irritating at all . . .

;-)