Monday, May 25, 2009

Just try not to laugh or agree with ONE thing on this list...

Today we leave you with some humor.  And because I either said, AMEN or Laughed OUT Loud... I chose these for you to read over that I found HERE and then GET OUTSIDE with you FAMILY... unless it's with your in-laws then FOR SURE you have swine flu! hehe! (that in NO WAY pertains to MY in-laws--they are SOOOOO awesome... I really do have swine flu... Just saying)

1.  Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2.  Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and have bought jewelery.

3.  Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

4.  Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

5.  Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

6.  Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7.  All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow instead of a gun.

8.  A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9.  All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear into the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.

10.  Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11.  Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and nerdy.

12.  Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13.  Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. Get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

14.  Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor, two inches from the door.

15.  If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

16.  If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right" because he got older, got a new job, or visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

17.  No man is charming all the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

18.  When four or more men get together, they talk about sports. 

19.  When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

20.  Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice voluntarily.  

21.  Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

22.  If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

23.  Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

24.  Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

25.  Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

26.  Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause -- you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

27.  Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.

Okay guys... tell me honestly... how many of those are TRUE!!! :)

My favorite has to be #23!  HA! hahahahahaha!

So which one is your favorite?

Hope you have a good Holiday... or just a plain good day if you don't recognize Memorial Day!  Remember those who are fighting now or who have fought in the past... they give up a lot for us!!!




Anonymous said...

I like number 23 for sure. Also good are 12, 10 and 7. Love number 7!

And ps I do have the swine flu ;)

valerie said...

lol I loved your shopping diagram! Too cute!

TisforTonya said...

haha... laughing loud enough that my kids asked me what I was doing - they heard me over the sound of video games!

I WAS going to pick #23, but #13 is also hilarious... okay - they're all funny, and the diagram is TOO true - except that I've never spent $800... just wished I had!

Anonymous said...

The shopping thing is true. I do not shop, I buy, if I am not going in to buy something specific then I don't go in!.
1. I don't cook, I'm married
2. Where I live... well never mind
5. I hate fones
6. I dont read the paper ever
7 I dunno what an eyelash curler is!
8 good advice!
9. I don't mind talking about it, I don't listen anyway!

11. Why wouldja buy a suit? Just cut your dungarees off.

12. My wifes utt is 31 degrees all the time, its like sleeping with a butterball turkey

13. Nobdy is EVER dressed like me ;-)

15. I had no idea there was more than one kind of lettuce

17. Whoever wrote that doesnt know me

18 not true

19 Usually me specifically

20 never heard of it, was C. Eastwood in it?

22 true

24 there ya go

25 lol, true

27 selective forgetting!

29 I'm naked under my clothes!!!

Have a groovy gnarly day!

"Cookie" said...

Those were awesome! I have to say my personal fav was the diagram at the beginning! So true!! I'm taking a "play" break while my little one naps then back to having fun with friends. :)

Anjeny said...

Love the diagram Shelle. I guess that explains why hubby and I never go shopping at the mall...the sneaky jerk..LOL.

#23-That also explains why hubby like to bowl with me, that's the only sports he beat me at..not that I'm an athlete or anything.

These are cool stuff and Southern Sage, you skip

And so true have selective forgetfulness, you'd be surprised what things they choose to remember esp. if it's something that benefit them.

Have a great Memorial day to ya!

MakingChanges said...

K- I think it is hilarious that I had to keep scrolling up and down to read what Sage had to say about each of them.

I giggled at just about all of them.

Hope you all have a fab Memorial Day!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

When we were at the Lake today I read this list to everyone... The biggest laugh... #23!!! hahahahaha! Sorry, it's funny... kinda an inside thing with me and the hubs too!

And anyway he kills me at Tennis... okay I kinda can keep pace with him, but he usually wins... so I'm definitely going to use that line though! lol!

OH and just so I don't sound like a complete lose...

I always win at the card game SPEED!!!

We are going to eat burgers soon... I'm super good at seasoning a burger... and NOT to pat myself on the back or whatever... but I ROCK at grilling.

K==I'm out... I just told them I needed to throw up in the toilet because of my FLU, but I've been a bit so they are going to start to wonder!


DGB said...

Just the thought of #7 sends shivers down my spine.

Heidi said...

I agree, 23 is pretty good--they all are! hee hee

tiarastantrums said...

this diagram looks like a very big mall by my house!