Friday, April 10, 2009

Potato Power

Today's poster has been a long time favorite of mine. We don't know her real name and she's not telling either. Crash, of the blog Crash Test Dummy Diaries, lives in the magical dreamland of a tropical island with her husband and several small Dummies. She also knows Jack Johnson. A literature professor by trade she brings it down to dummy level for all of us on her blog. Be sure to stop by!

When I read Susan's post about special moments I contemplated breaking a commandment and coveting her marriage. Her second marriage. The way she tells it, her first husband was as intimate as a potato, while her new husband is Kobe beef. Prime! He inspires her to sleep neked and when she's making dinner he pulls her aside, pins her to the wall and whispers hoarsely, "I NEED YOU!"

No wonder I never make dinner! I thought.

And then I thought Two years! Pshaw! See if she's still sleeping neked after 20 years.

And then I began coveting. What a lucky duck to get a second shot at having a bang up marriage.

Suddenly I heard thunder rolling towards me. A bolt of lightening struck my forehead and a voice out of nowhere said "HEY DUMMY, you too can have a second shot at a bang up marriage! And it doesn't have to be with someone new--it can be with someone old--someone really old, like your hub. In fact it can be with your hub. But you have to want it!"

I sat dumb struck when a vision opened up before me. In it I saw my hub walking down the aisle in his black tuxedo with a twinkle in his bright blue eyes.

But who was he walking down the aisle with? It wasn't me.

It was . . . a potato!?

What is the universe trying to tell me?

Am I as intimate as a potato?

Maybe I could be a couch potato, just to change things up? Or a sweet potato?

My hub loves mashed potatoes--I wonder if he would love crashed potatoes.

Maybe I could be Mrs. Potato Head. She's got that sassy look in her eye.

And I've already got the red bag.

And look how she keeps her man smiling.

Point is, Susan made me think about second chances. Perhaps it's never too late to reinvent yourself a bit--take some chances, tell some secrets, make yourself more vulnerable, be more FUN!

Do I dare?

I know my hub lubs me, but maybe I should stick my foot out and trip him--make him fall for me again--pull him aside, pin him wriggling to the wall and whisper hoarsely, "You want some potato salad? Or how about some potato chips? I'll be the chip and you can be the dip."

Susan's post was a good reminder that I create my marriage.

And I am responsible for what I create.

That's potato power.


The Blonde Duck said...

Very well said. And how creative to compare love to a I want french fries.

Kimberly Zook said...

I absolutely love this blog! Every morning it offers a new idea, a new concept, a new style of writing for me to ponder during the day! Today's post is fantastic! Thanks for this great analogy and idea :) Your hubby is lucky to have such a creative thinker and writer to bring interesting and fun perspectives to his daily life!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Crash, you never fail to amuse or make good points. I absolutely love the bit about shoving him against the wall and asking if he likes 'crashed potatoes' . You are a riot. Love ya!

Susan said...

Wow. I never in my wildest dreams thought that admitting my EX was as intimate as a potato could inspire such hysterical yet thought-provoking creations! ;) Crash - I can't stop laughing. And even though my new hub and I have only been married 2 years, I will never forget your analogy to "chips and dip" and if I'm ever tempted to sleep with clothes on, I'll think of you, and rip them off IMMEDIATELY!

And Blonde Duck - I'm dying that this all led you to french fries. You guys are priceless!

Missty said...

Great post!! And you can sleep naked no matter how many years.... we are at 26 and the clothes are still not on. You will so WOW your husband, if you start some new fun things. Good for you Crash!!

The Crazy Coxes said...

I like it!!!!! Thumbs up!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Ya know Crash...maybe you can just push him up against a wall and whisper in his ear..."Ya wanna go for a test drive?" That is your specialty right?! :)

Now you have me laughing AND deep thinking...who knew my brain could function simultaneously...I usually try to only use one part at a time! LOL!

Of course...another GREAT post!!!

Anjeny said...

Another fun yet insightful post, Crash. Who said we need another husband to give marriage a second chance? Thanks for pointing that out. Nothing sparks a marriage than doing something completely new.

T said...

"test drive..." that's the one, try it out and get back to us...

I'll just keep working on my own phrase - until then I think I'm going to try sleeping in my smokin' hot red shoes... can't really walk in them, may as well put them to work somewhere :)

Youngblood4ever said...

OMHeck! Seriously the best post E.V.E.R.!!!! Along with just about everything I've read on this blog.

Thanks for the reminder! I am thinking of meeting hubby at the door neked (but that might scare the neighbors and my kids). Option #2- meet him at the door fully clothed, slam him again the door and make out for a good 7 minutes before I have to sprint off to work.

I'll have to think of something sexy to say to him. Maybe I'll just steal, um, I mean borrow your line!

Missty said...

Youngblood - you can always sextext him. I promise he will love it!

The Wixom Zoo said...

I think we can all use this advice - thanks!

Kritta22 said...

Oh you and your symbolisms!

It's probably not okay to like being a potato....

is that what you are saying??

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...'re right...they seem to enjoy that kind of stuff!!! hehehe!

Kritta...she is saying that SHE doesn't want to be a potato...LOL!

wendy said...

See, the thing about being a potatoe ---is look at all the "options" you have. You can be a different potatoe for a month ---an endless surprise.

dadshouse said...

I wear a T-shirt and boxers or pjs when I sleep alone (I'm a single dad), but an attractive woman in my bed definitely inspires me to sleep naked. And if I'm not inspired... well, we won't keep dating. It's a good litmus test.

Love your potato pics

Melinda said...

I love all the posts, but this was probably my favorite so far! I'm a symbolism kind of gal, and that spoke to me--AND you're hysterical! AWESOME!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Dadhouse--no reason to use BIG words like could just as easily wrote CHEMISTRY!!! lol! Yes I had to look that up! :)'re playing favorites!!! That's okay...*sigh* Crash is one of my favorites also!!! :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi everyone!

I was just thinking that if I think of my hub as Kobe beef. Prime, like Susan does, then he will need a good side of mashed potatoes and gravy, right? I mean, what's more delicious than meat and potatoes?

Susan, thanks for the inspiration. I love your posts.

Blonde Duck, I want French Fries too!!!! I'm very susceptible to suggestion.

You know what? I went to college in Ideeho and I worked at the spud bar. ha ha I was even known as the spud queen. What a perfect foreshadowing. If I'm going to be a potato head I might as well be the queen. hee hee

Kimberly, thanks girl. I have to say though that I bet my husband would rather me be more creative in person than I am in writing. hee hee Something to work on.

Missty wow! I am so impressed. Do I dare disturb the universe with my nudity. Seriously, it might really disturb the universe. (I hope my students aren't reading this.) And I've thought of sexting him, but you know what? He so doesn't know to text.

Youngblood. ROTFLOL at YOU rushing to the door naked to meet your husband. ha hah ahah That would SO disturb my universe.

I had a friend who was Brazillian and she wore little thong bikinis to match her smooth brown legs. Our husband's played basketball together so they travelled a lot. Once we went to pick them up from the airport and she wore nothing but an overcoat. Totally naked underneath. To the airport!!!! Oh, our husbands were so tamn jealous.

ha ha Shelle Belle, I hate to make you use both parts of your brain at the same time. And that's right, I don't WANT to be a potato. But if I am, I want to be the queen of potatoes.

Wendy, that is so true. I would list all the options but I think I've extended this metaphor enough.

Oooh, is it just me or is it hot in here? Listening to a single dad say words like naked and litmus together in the same comment . . .

Melissa, I don't condone favorites (HA) but if anyone is going to be a favorite I'm glad it's me! hee hee

Hey Shelle, stop throwing watermelon rinds at me!!!

Missty said...

Hey, I did the overcoat thing, many year ago. Not like you can tell, really. You could just be wearing a dress underneath. DH called me from an airport to say he was getting on the plane from a long week of business. He mentioned he missed me, so I teased him saying I would pick him up naked. lol This was back when you could meet people at the gate.

I know he didn't beleiv me. So by the time it was to pick him up, I really decided to do it! He LOVED IT!! And couldn't believe I did it. Well, at the moment, niether could I!!! LOL

Thanks for the memory. lol ;o)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

MISSTY!!! How scandalous!!! lol! What to do after you reveal your nekkedness? it's not like you can take care of it at the airport by baggage claim! lol!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGOSH!!!!!! I feel like such a prude!

That is awesome Missty!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

You know what else I can't believe? I can't believe Youngblood said OMHECK!!! That is hilarious. I used to say that all the time until I moved to New York and was publically humiliated over and over until I reformed to OMHELK. That's why I never say pop either. ewww. It's SODA!

Those tamn New Yorkers!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

So this is where everyone is! I need to get insomnia more often. I miss out on all the good stuff when I go to sleep...keep talking everyone.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Crash - it is Pop. But I got reformed to Soda. Sometimes I just want to go backwards and regress. It's also grilled versus toasted cheese. Same difference. I'm also off point (big shocker).

I loved this post. And the pictures made me smile.

Missty - Hello! I didn't even get the impression of you to be that daring. Interesting.

Dadshouse - Litmus test! LOL. Good one. But true I imagine. We all have our parameters for who makes the cut and who doesn't.

Shelle - I'll think of something witty when I stop laughing over the test drive comment.

Missty said...

Well, I didn't reveal ANYTHING at the airport! But while in baggage claim, I did mention I was naked underneath the coat, He said "REALLY" lol I showed him a little leg and we hurried and gathered up his luggage and headed home as fast as we could! lol

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Maybe someday I'll feel really secure with myself to do that! I applaud you...what FUN Missty! :) lol!

Mariko said...

Yeah, so I didn't listen.
And I'm SO glad, because not only did I fall in love with you again (because I'm choking on potatoes while reading this), I lub my hub! That's pretty important.

Heidi Ashworth said...

Very cute and it reminds me that the Pioneer Woman had a recipe for Crashed Potatoes on her blog--I made them and what's more, they turned our great. This does not happen often at our humble abode. I think I'm going to have to make me some again (the kids didn't like them which means I got to eat most of them--waste not want not--should really be waist?--not!)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha Miss Heidi. Waist. Not! That's a good one. You're on your game today. I didn't even know there was such thing as crashed potatoes. I totally thought I made that up.

Mariko, what are YOU doing here? You're didn't follow instructions. My potato power if private. ;) I'm so glad you lub me and your hub again. As long as you don't lub MY hub. ;)

Even that, I'm sure I could over. For YOU. Blogging Mama, I know your'e asleep right now, but it's SODA! Germany must be completely on the other side of the world because you're always awake when I'm going to sleep. It works for us though. LY.

And yeah, what Shelle said.

I am LoW said...

Do you want some potato salad???

HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Best line ever! :)

And that is why I am Crash's #1 fan!!

(and by the way, Pioneer Woman has an awesome recipe for Crash Potatoes, just sayin)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hi LoW!! I'm so happy to see you.

I can't believe pioneer woman stole my crashed potato recipe!

Everyone, LoW posted a pretty steamy moving photo of her and her hub making out. (What do you call those moving photos, anyway?)

I am LoW said...

Oh, the Crash Potatoes were already mentioned.

Dang it! I hate when I do that!! :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Hey, LoW! Stop being so redundant.

hee hee

We are totally chatting like a chat room.

I tried to chat on the chatrol, but it didn't work for me.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh, it did work. YAY!

tiffany said...

Fantastic post!!! I think everyone needs a little reminder at times that the grass isn't always greener (I know I do) :o) Sometimes all our own grass needs is a little water and fertilizer to be exactly what we want, and sometimes we need to be the ones caring for it instead of always leaving it up to the men in our lives!

CaJoh said...

Great job Crash. I tend to think that things have gotten too comfortable and my wife and I have gotten too used to our routines. I have said the same things to myself— I should work on making this be that perfect relationship.

Being Me said...

Awwwww. I have been thinking about that post for days. Pondering what I'd do if I got held against a wall by my hubby of 10 years (together for 16 now, yikes). I was really ashamed at my predicted response to the hypothetical.

This post just throws it open. Hey! I can change it up a little! Oh yeah... Like I forgot.

Aww Thank You!