Thursday, April 2, 2009

What's the reason?

Youngbloods4ever has just recently admitted to having a reading addiction that HAS to be just as bad as mine...which is WHY I we/I love her.  She is a wife and mom to four kids.  Her writing style is honest and witty. You can also find her at her own blog YoungBloods4ever.

There was a comment on an earlier post about why men always have to instigate sex and women are the ones to shoot the idea down. I'd like to put a different spin on this question if I may and then you can tell me if I hit the mark or if I'm way off on my thinking.

I grew up in a strictly religious household where sex outside of marriage was a MAJOR no-no. Following those rules, and being religious myself I did not engage in said activities until my wedding night.

Having said this I must say that I did engage in some seriously sweet (and by sweet I mean totally awesome) make-out sessions.

Hubby and I could kiss with the best of them. We are talking hours. Soft, hard, passionate, gently-sweet, you name it, we did it (in the kissing area). No, our mouths did not wander away from the neck and face. Keep your minds clean. I already told you I was a moral-kind-of girl.

Here is when I got shafted in the kissing arena. As soon as we got married, we are talking that night, no more JUST kissing. If I instigate kissing with the hubby I had to be prepared for the full monty. There is no half-way, no nice make-out sessions. It ALWAYS leads to sex.

I am a very affectionate person. My parents were always affectionate with each other and so I have always loved to kiss. Since my first kiss at 11 I was hooked. Don't mind the fact that I didn't kiss anyone after that until I was 16. But after 16 one could say I was a lip-hussy. I love the feel of kissing, the tingling I get all over and the yummy stuff that goes along with kissing. So, I knew hubby and I were meant to be when we could go for hours on end and never get tired of it.

So, if I want to kiss hubby now I need to be ready for everything. WHY? Why can't I just reminisce about our dating days. Why do I have to feel obligated to deliver the goods when I start kissing ya? Why can't it just end there?

Don't get me wrong, I have my own hormones and I love to be intimate, but there are times all I need is a little lippy-love!

31 comments:

Anjeny said...

Jules, I am finding I'm liking you more and more..seems like your posts are what I would have written myself but too slow to do it. We are sooo two peas in a pod..LOL.

I so hear ya on the kissing. That's how I feel too, most of the time I just want to have a kissing session with my hubby and that's it, of course he can never be just satisfied in the JUST KISSING.

Your questions I ask myself a lot. I guess men often feel like if they don't grap their chance, they might miss out, never know when the opportunity might rise again...just saying.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Nothing beats a good long kiss session!
A nice post to remind us that it isn't always about losing the clothing!

Melissa said...

I LOVE this post! I couldn't agree more. Especially coming from one of those families myself, and waiting for our wedding night.

I do miss (two kids don't help) the hours of kissing. Just for the sake of kissing.

It's the epitome of bliss.

natasha the exile on Mom Street said...

I'm on the other side of this coin, I guess! I would prefer not to be bothered with a make-out session that's not going anywhere.

It's not that I'm all about sex, but if it's an inopportune time for intimacy, then there's probably a million and a half things I need to be doing.

I wouldn't be surprised to hear that my husband feels like y'all, but I just really can't get into it.

Kimberly Zook said...

LOL! This is a great post to read so early in the morning to set my mind rolling! One thing I've learned since marrying my husband is that there are all kinds of kisses, all kinds of moments best meant for certain types of kisses, and all kinds of moments when I want to kiss in a certain way and it turns out differently!

tiffany said...

OMG no kidding! And my husband wonders why I'm not very affectionate. Well, if he didn't get the mind to run off to the sack every single time we kissed I might be more inclined. It's a constant battle here in our house.

CaJoh said...

I'm right there with you. I find it strange that sometimes I just want to cuddle or make out too. Odd to think that a man wants to just be intimate every now and then. I just wish I knew how to be subtle enough to let her know without coming right out and saying it.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

CaJoh - I have to chime in here even though today is Youndbloods show :)
I'd just tell her. I can't think of a woman who'd mind being asked to just cuddle and make-out!
Well, except Natasha ;)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

See...this post is RIGHT up my alley. I get accused all of the time about not being INTIMATE enough...cause I'm not really a touchy feely person. Ya know?

But when I was dating my husband...we touched and petted and whatever else we could within our bounds.

So I was extremely touchy when it came to him.

But I did notice that pattern after we were married that if we began to do those fun things...such as experimental kissing, necking, petting, cuddling, spooning, hugging...it always led to the BEDROOM.

Sometimes...um...I don't want to do that...I just want to be touched and loved, but not LOVED.

But then sometimes I'm like Natasha...and I dont' want to have to mess with all the foreplay...but that is usually in the morning when MORNING breath comes into play!

Just saying.

CaJoh--I'm impressed...do you think you are in the minority?

valerie said...

Sooo true! What's wrong with a little cuddling and smooching now and then? If that happens around here most times my hubby is like "alright! I'm getting some." @@ Whatever dude. lol

Youngblood4ever said...

So, I'm a little worried that you all think that I am only in this for the kissing and sometimes I "let" hubby have his way with me. Not true. I do love to be with him, just miss those oh-so-powerfully-wonderfully-blissful make-out sessions.

I told hubby what this post was going to be about and he decided to give me the in into his mind. He didn't want to speak for all men/husbands, but for him- this is the reason.

Before we were married we would kiss for hours. (I told him, ya, I know, I was there, remember?) Well, afterward, because he didn't "release the tension" he had many hours of painful "reflection" alone. No, he isn't into the self-gratification, so he endured the pain. Now he thinks, hey, I'm married and why put himself through the pain?!

Okay, that makes sense, but I miss it, and sometimes wouldn't my happiness be worth the pain? WOW! That sounds selfish!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I get ya YoungBlood...and NOW I get your husband...my POOR GUY. :)

It's good to have his point of view also...only fair! :)

Melinda said...

Julie, I don't think it sounds selfish, sometimes we put ourselves through "pain" for his satisfaction, so it could go both ways everyonce in awhile, yo?
We could make out with the best of them when we were dating too, now though? I'm just too tired. hahaha

Missty said...

Hmmm. We are VERY affectionate here Always kisses when he walks in the door, or leaves. I kinda think if your man is getting enough of what he wants/needs, he is more than glad to accomadate your needs. I know Matt has said many times, he LOVES to make me happy. He knows if I am happy.... well, I tend to make him happy. lol I knew he was smart. ;o)

So, many nights I get JUST a back rub,or a nice tushy rub, do you know how nice it feels to have your butt rubbed. lol it does.

And then he in returns knows in the morning is his turn. We tend to have moring sex. lol Just to tired or kids, etc at night. But can manage a nice kissing/back rub session as I drift off to sleep. And he goes off to work happy... thinking about me.

TentCamper said...

I was going to say almost exactly what your husband did. ...That I KNOW he wet home and pleasured himself ...or endured a few hours of 'blue balls.' Either way, I don't think that is something that a married man (or woman) should have to go through. I am not scared to admit that I play with myself sometimes, but if I get hot and heavy with my woman...she knows that a man's body needs a release. Women do not have that build up. If you had your make out session and then agreed to lay down next to him and watch while he masturbates...maybe that could become a turn on for both of you. Just sayin!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Hey there...Have been invited by Shelle-Blok to come on over and throw in my two cents on this here blog of yours. Nice site. Mind if I make myself comfortable?

Here's the deal, I love kissing. But it automatically triggers the system and I start to want more. I can't help it. Probably stems from my teenage years, when a guy keeps trying to push things further. It may not be right, but unfortunately it's the way I'm wired.

So yes kissing is awesome, but I'd like to know that kissing will lead to something. Maybe not right away. A good make out session can be good foreplay for things that come hours later...or that night. Whenever.

The Blonde Duck said...

You know, it may be weird, but my marriage has always been more playful. Like there's plenty of snuggling, tickling, hugging, kissing, but even when we were dating, we never had hours of make out sessions. I'm sure some psychologist could get hours of analyzation off of that!

Heidi Ashworth said...

Get kissy with him at a time and place that can't possibly lead to further intimacy. Woo hoo!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

Heidi...now that's just mean!

Youngblood4ever said...

Melinda- thanks for understanding! I knew we were true friends.

Heidi- Good plan. Now to implement it!

TentCamper- Not thinking that would be a turn on for me. Just saying. ALthough, I know that he does need release and I AM his wife.

Daddy Geek Boy- Glad you came for a visit. I know that men are wired differently.

Hey peeps, I love a good romp in the hay, too. Just saying that I am also an emotional lover too and kissing meets my emotional needs just as well (sometimes).

Jami said...

Oh yeah! Good call, Julie.

I love smooching. I wish I could talk my man into never ending smooch-a-thon, but he's so darn goal-oriented. I mean, I like goals. Really I do. But I don't mind meandering on our way.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

This has been a great discussion. I'd like to thank our THREE men for stopping by. You've been sorely underrepresented on the site. I hope you'll stop by more often ;)

I think I like Heidi's answer though cause it's funny!

Shane & Laina said...

I'm hearing you loud and clear Julie!!! Reading the books has made me want to get back to the make outs too (that is making out without it going any further). Gotta love it!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

DaddyGeekBoy--nice to have you over...lol...but Heidi's suggestion was classic right? Too funny!

TentCamper--honesty is such a great quality...I get you men I do...but sometimes i want to just touch you, tickle you with kisses, and have you hold me without having to undo and take off everything or clean anything up...

The Blonde DUCK...I'M SO SORRY...no hours to MAKE-OUT? I feel for ya...the best time EVA!!!
Sorry...

But I also understand...as Julie said...I understand I have a responsibility for my guys happiness...and that equals sex for him...so I get it! :)

Rachel said...

Yes! Exactly! Same! And it kind of drives me nuts. . .

Susan said...

Ok, my ex and I NEVER, EVER kissed unless it was in bed to have sex, however, he was as intimate as a potato. (And for the record, non-intimate potatoes = divorce.) My current hub and I can't stop touching, kissing, grabbing, etc... the kids think it's DISGUSTING. I think we're a good example to them of what a great loving couple looks like. And hell, if we have sex later that night hooray. And if we don't... there's always tomorrow. It's not realistic to have sex every single day forever, but that doesn't mean we can't make-out kiss every day!! Right?

Sally Young said...

Oh my heck Julie. Are you sure you are married to Dallin because I think that you may be married to Ken.

Youngblood4ever said...

Sally- you kill me! Yup, last time I checked, Dalen was the one laying in the bed next to me.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh Julie, that is so true. Good point. Before you're married it's so fun because it's ALL ya got!

Great point, girlfriend!!!

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