OK, let's just get it out there. I was D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D.
Anyone still reading?
Oh crap. Is "Damn" allowed on here? Shoot. I'll do better.
[Call it one of the ways we always try to make the other feel special.]
- My husband just admitted to me that he shaved his big toes before a massage two weeks ago because he didn't want anyone to think he had ugly feet. (OK, it took him two weeks to admit this to me and he prefaced it with "Normally, I would never admit this to anyone, but..."). He chose ME to tell. ME!
- We've created a whole second world of "nicknames" for people in our life [including ourselves...swear!]. Let's just call them FUN nicknames for the people who drive us insane at times... like my littlest daughter who we might refer to as "Corky", or my husband's ex-wife "BMama", or his ex-wife's fiance "BigR"... [Note to Self: appropriateness to expand on nickname meanings will have to fall under personal blog...] . Please understand, in blended families sometimes humor is the only pillar of strength you have at times. Got it?
- We have a rule that we must "make-out kiss" within the first four minutes of either of us walking in the front door. And if we don't, the first one to call the other out on it gets to request something later. And I'm not talking eggs and bacon.
- He got me to sleep naked every night from day one. And that's someone who slept with sweats, sweatshirt, and socks years ago because I'm always so.frickin'.cold!!! [PS... try it for ONE week. I guarantee that no matter how tired you or your partner are, within the week there will be a time that something unexpected happens.]
- We never mock each other or get a laugh out of anyone around us at the expense of one another. Never. Oh, I hate that and can pick it out of a crowd instantly. [PS... I swear I got permission to talk about his toe shaving in bullet one for this post. Uh, yes. Full fledged spousal permission. ]
- We have a deal with each other that we won't participate on any social networks out of respect for our marriage. If we need to talk to someone, e-mail someone, call someone we can do that through a normal communication mode. [Oh, Uh, except blogging, K?]
- If we go too long without having sex we tell each other. I wouldn't have said this to my ex-husband for a million dollars. And he would have always just gotten more distant or angry. Today, I can be in the middle of dinner with 4 kids running all over and mashed potatoes in my hair and I will suddenly get pulled into the hallway, kissed passionately and hear the quiet whispered words "I need you tonight." How could anyone resist those words?
So there they are, just a sample of the little things that work in this crazy girl's life to keep her marriage and her man front-and-center. I will never walk the path I walked in my previous marriage, or if I begin to turn in that direction, I now have a partner who will pull me back forcefully with the strongest two-hand grip you could ever imagine. So in addition to the amazing therapist that has helped me walk the road to a world of health and happiness, I'm proud to say I've come a long way and it is possible to find that perfect someone. And I think today my priorities are set.
Now may I ask: How do YOU set your priorities today? And I'm not talking about getting to the grocery store and picking up the kids from school. Who comes first in your own family world? Kids? Partner? Work? Self?
How do you and your partner create those cool, special moments that make you realize life is good to be with them? I hope you'll share some.
And I hope you'll share your challenges as well. Lord knows, we all have 'em!