Thursday, April 23, 2009

Three Legged Stool

Wahoo, let's here it for our first male posting member of Venus vs Mars!  Mr CaJoh is a blogger with a lot of heart and a great style with words.  He is often funny and thoughtful and even writes poetry. Married for almost ten years, you can find wonderful ideas and advice on his site CaJoh.

All relationships require balance and stability to be successful. Like any platform, a stool requires at least three legs to stand upright. I have found three key components that I believe are necessary for any relationship to work:


Interest:

There has to be a reason for being in the relationship. You need to be interested in having the relationship as well as having interest in the other person.

Commitment:

There needs to be a dedication towards having the relationship work. Through commitment you are paying attention to the relationship and making the necessary adjustments to keep the relationship growing and strong.

Mutual:

You both have to have the other two components in order to fully balance the relationship. If you are interested in them and they are not, then it is unrequited. If they are committed to having the relationship and you could care less, then the relationship either becomes stagnant or falls apart.

With the presence of these three key components in place, a stable base is established which allows for a firm foundation for any relationship to be built.

18 comments:

Kimberly Zook said...

This is a good image for every person to think about when they consider their relationship. I like that you describe the three together as a stable base. With my husband, I finally found a relationship that was mutual, the one leg of the stool that didn't always seem to fit in my other relationships. Of the three legs, I think this one is probably the hardest to attain with another person, but when you do then the relationship is easy. At least that's what I've found with my hubby!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I really like how you give the visual of the three legs. Obviously without three legs the stool would fall. True of a relationship as well.

Wonderful post! Thanks for being our first Mars to step up!

valerie said...

I love the three legs analogy. Soo true!

Youngblood4ever said...

Sweet analogy. True, too! When I saw the title I was a little worried about what you were going to talk about. ;)

The Blonde Duck said...

Concise! Well said!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

CaJoh... what if my stool has one leg slightly longer than the other leg? And what if my stool looks more like a stork then a stool?

I kid.

I actually studied something similar to that in college...it's great to see it and read about it...but a lot of the time a relationship that is worked at everyday is at least unbalanced in one of those three! :)

I loved this post...thanks!

T said...

YoungBlood - I can't believe you thought... errrmm, admitted that you thought that :) because of course MY mind didn't... okay, now I have to stop before I get called liar liar pants on fire (and believe me, some of these girls LOVE to do that)

good analogy CaJoh!

Youngblood4ever said...

T- I can't help it that my mind wanders. I try really hard to keep it on track, but if you read my post for today on my own blog you will notice that hard as I try, my mind has a mind of its own! And, yes, I did admit that I was thinking... um, well, you know.

CaJoh said...

Thank you all for your comments— it makes me know that my concepts can be understood.

YoungBlood - I guess I didn't think of the connotation either. Coming from a man "three legged" could be misconstrued, but a stool is an easy analogy to identify with. I do find that there are a lot of things that come in threes and knowing that they tend to balance each other out makes for understanding their connections to one another easier as well.

Shelle-BlokThoughts - Even if one of the legs is shorter than the other the relationship may seem crooked, but at least you have all your "feet" on the ground. This gives you some hope in that you recognize the imbalance and can right the stool without worrying about falling over.

Missty said...

Great post. And so true. You need each of those three to keep a relationship alive and growing.

Bee and Rose said...

This is just perfect! They really are the three keys to build a successful relationship! Bravo!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Well said sir! You are such a wealth of good advice for relationships!

Kritta22 said...

I agree.

The first month of our marriage, Chris and I decided to never use the word divorce or leaving, unless you really meant it.

we have yet to use the words.

Mina said...

Insightful as ever, CaJoh!

Lissa said...

I adore you for not going all mushy-then again I expected the real deal. If only others could see the truth. You did however forget to mention the other 3 legged stool. that would be the one including great sex, a great sense of humor, and never making fun of your mother in law (at least to your spouse).

Anjeny said...

Very insightful post Cajoh..thanks for sharing. I agree with you completely.

I am really glad we've finally gotten a male poster to share some of his thoughts about relationship.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

See what I mean about CaJoh! So wise! Lub that guy!

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