As in I'm expecting you to meet all of my physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual and psychological needs after we get married. And I'm expecting you to meet them without me having to tell you what they are.
Half the time we don't even know what we expect until we don't get it.
I actually have an SIL who, before she got married, told me that she thought her hub was going to be the prophet of the LDS church one day.
True story, (even though she denies it now).
Expectations are a killer to a relationship.
That's why I really liked Southern Sage's post about making a marriage contract. READ IT, if you haven't already.
Communication is not very romantic if you think about. In fact, it can be a bit of a buzz kill.
But think how much faster you could deal with the disillusionments of marriage if you were actually forced to think through and share your expectations of it with your partner. And then sign your name on the dotted line. In blood. Before you tied the knot.
It would be like ripping a band-aid as opposed to the slow and painful process of pulling it off little by little.
My hub has a hard time expressing his needs. And he doesn't like to tell me what ticks him off either. When we first got married he would give me the silent treatment a lot and I would rack my brain trying to figure out what the helk was wrong. My imagination went in all directions, but I felt like I was a disappointment to him.
After A LOT of coaxing he told me that he thought it was rude when I would get myself a drink or something without offering him one. And it really bothered him that I was always late.
Sheesh! Why didn't you just say so???
For most of us it's too late to sign a pre-nup contract saying we will always be on time, but I think it would be cool to sit down with my hub and discuss (just for fun)--20 years later--what we WOULD have signed our name in blood to in our pre-nup marriage contract.
I would love to know in what ways I did and didn't meet his expectations. There would have to be certain NO CRYING/NO LYING ground rules, of course, but think how much I could learn about myself. And about him.
I bet he expected for more massages.
Do you think your expectations were too high when you got married? Have they changed?