Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Parents Talk. Just Not To Each Other...

Daddy Geek Boy wrote this post and at first I was hesitant to post it because it has a parent theme to it and we wanted to kinda stay away from the feel of a Mommy Daddy blog. But as I got into reading it, I realized he was talking about the RELATIONSHIP between parents which I thought was interesting. So thanks DGB for an interesting twist to a real life relationship quirk between parents! :)

It isn’t long after the first kid is born that parents begin to notice other parents…and critique them. We observe their mistakes—a dad struggles to discipline his kid with empty threats; a mom frustrated that her child won’t eat dinner, yet gives her dessert; toddlers are fed choking hazards like whole grapes or popcorn; a baby drinks chocolate milk from a bottle. It’s easy to see what others don’t. We witness these things, but dissect them in privacy.

It’s comforting to know that there is a fellowship among parents. We constantly offer aid and support, telling each other things like which neighborhood pediatrician has a good reputation, the best kind of car seat to use, which stores on Etsy have the best stuff. We talk about what parenting books we should read, what recipes we should make, how old the kid should be before potty training, when is the best time to show them “Star Wars.” Collectively, we are the proverbial village helping to raise each other’s children. But only to a point. Because parents may offer each other a lot of advice, but we absolutely do not tell each other how to parent.

A lot of times, the things that parents complain the most about their children are caused by the habits and behaviors of the parents themselves. It’s sometimes so clear why a kid is misbehaving to everyone but the parent of the disobedient child. We notice everything, but say nothing. There’s a reason why “Super Nanny” is so popular. She waltzes into any situation and says, in her plucky British accent, the things we cannot say to each other. She is our unchecked id.

But can you imagine a world where everyone could be the Super Nanny? If society deemed it socially acceptable for parents to talk to each other and point out our mistakes? Personally, I’m a pretty awesome (and humble) parent, but I’d love to know if I’m doing something wrong. Wouldn’t you? If somebody could offer you a piece of advice that could make life with your kid a little bit easier, wouldn’t you want to hear it?

But yet we can’t. We don’t. We shouldn’t.

Why do you think we as parents can tell each other everything but the obvious?

Daddy Geek Boy


Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I think for me as long as someone isn't attacking me... I don't mind advice. None of us know what we r doing so it makes since that the more scenarios or advice we get the better decision we can make for our child.

But its funny cause most of us get offended because we aren't open period. That seems to be the problem with any relationship and the communication.

We have our ways of doing things and leave ourselves closed off... The problem with that is we also close ourselves off to growth and maybe even a more efficient way of doing things! :)

Don't tell my husband I said that!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

But I think that's the thing...constructive criticism can sound like an attack. So we just don't say anything at all.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I think its definitely how u approach the other parent for sure! Like when u tentatively approach ur spouse... U OREO cookie it... U mention a positive then throw in ur advice then end with another positive... They will b more receptive, my personal opinion anyway.

Missty said...

So true. Great post. And yes parenting is such a touchy subject. Just try and get a few parents in a room and bring up - homeschooling vs. public schools, or immunizations, or dating ages! LOL. Everyone will spout their opinions and state why they are right.

And then some have no opinions of their own, except what they are told how it should be. (extended family, church, etc)So that is the way it is.

I am all for talking about parenting. I have been known to state my opinion as well as change it if I see another valid point I had not concidered before. BUt then I can talk about anything... you guys know that! ;o)

IWA (e - va) said...

I think it's because, People get offened just way too fast now-a-days! ie. Look at Road Rage and every other type of rage in Society!

I think we all just really need to take a chill pill (aka being more forgiving) and try to understand that not everyone is out to get us!

Saying that..... Just know that I am not perfected in this at all! Road rage use to be my middle name! and I always got just way too offended when anybody said anything to me Constructive or non-constructive... Ironic..because I will straight up tell people what is wrong with them! even when i shouldnt!

My husband has a line that he uses on me sometimes...
"Gee, dont you have a great perception for the obvious?"

thats usually me cue to Zip the lips and let him do what he's going to do!