Monday, July 6, 2009

THEME MONTH-Compatibility

On Real World this MONTH we are going to try and THEME every week.

This weeks theme will be: COMPATIBILITY

Meaning, I have asked the contributors to write posts specifically for a theme I give them.

It's a first come first serve basis. Whoever writes the posts and get them into me firsts gets the spots for that week!

They can be WHATEVER that contributor thought would go with the THEME. There are no boundaries.

So if we get 5 posts and they are all lists on how that couple's compatible and how they are NOT... that is cool, because I LOVE seeing differences and similarities in couples and just in different relationships in general.

Although, I'm sure we will get different perspectives on compatibility.

I just asked that they write about THEM and some type of relationship they are in.

At the end of EACH posts I will have a question and I'd like you guys as commenters to answer that question about you and your significant other! It should be FUN!

***There will be posts EVERYDAY this week EVEN on Saturday... but NOT Sunday. So make sure to stop by on Saturday for an AWESOME post you'll be happy you didn't miss! :)

When I think about compatibility I always thing of that game show THE NEWLY WEDS... I LOVED that show, sometimes they still have it on the GSN and I'll watch it... but that is what I think of when I hear compatibility.

So in honor of the theme... I wrangled my husband to answer some NEWLY WED game questions because I REALLY like you guys... I'm having to pay BIG TIME too... so you better be thankful!

I had fun doing the video... :) We honestly video'd this once... we had printed questions in front of us and just randomly read them and answered them. It was all impromptu.


The irritating question... we both came up with better answers AFTER we video'd

HIS: "You're ALWAYS late". TRUE STATEMENT.

MINE: "You're ALWAYS feelin me up! My chest and BUM!"

and here we are to finish...



Watch both vids... but if you only have time to watch 1... I love the second video, the shorter one... those questions are good.

My husband and I are SOOOOO incompatible... I honestly don't know how we make it work besides the fact that we are attracted to each other and we love the same religion!

But somehow it works! :)

Have fun this week. Remember to read comments... go ahead and comment on the post or other peoples comments. Have fun, relax, and make your voice heard!!!

These are questions from a compatibility test that I found HERE
that I will be asking for this week!

QUESTION: How important is love to a good marriage? Can two people, who are no longer in love, have a good marriage? Can two people, who are very much in love, have a bad marriage?

Love,

49 comments:

clan of the cave hair said...

I can't believe this is my first visit over here! I was so excited for you to get started and then my life turned upside down. Oh well. In answer to your questions, love...REAL love, not to be confused with lust...is the bond that keeps the marriage together. I mean the unselfish kind of love that allows you to be that partner who serves his or her family before him or herself. People who say they "fall out of love" are really just admitting that they've failed at being a loving person. Harsh? Maybe in those words, but how do you fall out of love when you serve unselfishly?
On the other hand, people who claim to be very much in love can definitely have a very bad marriage, but a little counseling could probably go a long way to fix that, if love (not lust, or fear of being without) is really what they have for each other.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Clan of Cave Hair!!! So good to see you over here!

I love what you said. You are right also, cause it's funny how those you serve you love... you can't really NOT love a person if you are serving them unselfishly.

Although I think few people really even know how to do that.

Great comment!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Also sorry everyone about the postings lately... I don't know what's up, but they are not posting when they are suppose to be posting!!! It's driving me crazy!

Shirley said...

Cute Newlywed game : )

We made my son and daughter-in-law play the newlywed game at the family luncheon after their wedding. Every question was attached to a kitchen gadget which they could keep if they matched answers. We were very impressed that they only missed one question out of 35 or so.

I agree completely with Clan of the Cave Hair's response.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OKay YOUR newly wed game was a lot cuter and more realistic than the one my friends did for me on my Bridal shower.

I had to chew gum for every question I got wrong... and there were ALOT of questions.

Needless to say, they had to stop giving me gum because i was NO BLUE MAN GROUP and couldn't fit ONE MORE PIECE in my mouth... it would have helped if they didn't have DUBBLE BUBBLE!!!

Kritta22 said...

LOL Dubble Bubble! good times!

I'm digging this post! seriously!

Side note: I thought MSM would have been more of a quieter person.

Kritta22 said...

I'm digging all the questions too! Guess what Chris and I are doing on our 4000 mile road trip??

You got it....

the questions!!

Where was yoru head people? Come on!

Hehehe

Maybe some of that but I'm not telling.

Kritta22 said...

Okay so for the question, I'm on the fence about this one.

Here is why.

I married my hubby out of necessity.
1. He wanted to join the Air Force but couldn't until he was married. You can't be a single parent when you join the Air Force. (I have a step daughter.)
2. I just graduated college, my lease on my apartment was up and I needed to get out of my hometown.

So we met Feb 2, started dating March 5th and we got married April 12th.

We are both of the same faith. We both knew what we wanted in a married. We both were attracted to the other person.

Other than that, we had NOTHING in common.

I'm so very grateful that we moved away from our families. we had to because of the military. But it made it so all we had was each other.
We HAD to be nice to each other or we didn't talk to anyone. We HAD to talk so we could figure stuff out or it didn't get figured out.

If we would have stayed in our hometown, I don't think our marriage would have lasted. Or if it did, it would not have grown as much as it did. Many a nights the first two years, I slept in my closet. (It was a walk-in)

I can honestly say, that I love my husband now. For all time and freaking eternity!
But at the beginning, I just liked the guy. He was a ride out of town. I was a ticket to the military.
We had a miscarriage shortly after our two year mark. I can honestly say that that is what turned our marriage around. We now had an eternal prospective.
So I guess you could say we really didn't have a married in the beginning but I don't know. there were good times.
Let's just say, you can start out a marriage without love....if you move away from both in-laws!

Kritta22 said...

On the other side of the coin, my parents LOVED each other. Growing up, I'd get grossed out cuz they would kiss and hug and hold hands in FRONT of ME!! (I know, right??!!)

They were married for 30 years.

WERE.

My dad cheated on my mom for at least 6 of those years at the end.

6 years of lies, but my mom still loved.

She still does to this day.

So I don't know. They had love but had a bad marriage.

I didn't have love but grew into it and now have a better marriage than my parents ever did.

(My mom said so...that's why I can say that.)

I can't wait to see the rest of the comments on this.

Kritta22 said...

I really do like Clan's comment.
I think that had a lot to do with my marriage. We HAD to serve each other. And out of it, grew love.

But there were times I was selfish and we took 10 steps back.

Oh gosh...I'm going to have to ponder this all day!

Thanks a lot Shelle!!

Kritta22 said...

PS sorry for the lack of editing on my comments, when I'm on a roll...it's hard to stop these fingers!! LOL

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I KNOW you should have seen the WAD of gum I hawked out of my mouth! SOOOOO unlady like!

He's not quiet really... he WILL and DOES socialize and gets along with anyone... but if he decides he's not into it, or doesn't want to talk, then YEA, he's quiet, sometimes to the point of being uncomfortable.

But honestly, with me as a spouse, he doesn't really have much of a choice???

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

YEA... good, tell us ALL about the answers he gives. Record it and transcribe it when you are on your trip... if you please!

And BTW... I will meet you where ever on your Road Trip to meet ya and hang out for a bit... just sayin!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

WOW Kritta!!! I never knew that about you? How come I never knew that after all this time we've shared on blogland together???

That is actually quite a cool story.

And it's even cooler that you fell in love after all of that.

Someone needs to write about book about that... it's a perfect romance!

K--not that you weren't already UP there on my scale of REALLY cool people... but you have definitely moved UP UP UP!!!

I'm in shock...

Kritta22 said...

I think it's just wonderful how you and MSM interact with eachother. You hold our own.

My mom was extremely loud and full of energy. My dad...probably said five words on a good day.

On the other hand, I am extremely loud and opinionated but so is Chris.
In fact most of the time I stop talking so I can hear what he says.

He seriously cracks me up on a daily basis.

He hurt his head and was in the ER last week. We are getting ready to leave, he is still on 'good' drugs and in quite a bit of pain.

The nurse goes to take out his IV and Chris says, "Be gentle."

I busted a gut. Seriously. People stared.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

About your parents... I think a lot of people forget in their marriage that while they are raising kids that they get REALLY wrapped up into them... then they put their spouse kinda on the back burner...

The forget that their spouse is learning with every experience and are changing and growing into different people.

I like to think that after the almost 10 years of marriage that I have been in that I am a better person now, a different person, than I was when I first got married. I've grown and learned and definitely matured. I'm NOT the same person my guy fell in love with when we started all of this...

Same with my husband, he is DEFINITELY not the same person from when we got married. Some of the changes I'm not all that happy with, but learn to deal with them and learn the reason behind the changes... but most of the changes I love and learn to love.

Like you, I promised to love him for time and ALL Freakin' eternity... even death doesn't release me from my commitment! :)

But as COTCH (ha that is a funny acronym for Clan of the Cave Hair) said, who can fall out of love when you are serving unselfishly!

Being a selfish person by nature... I love being reminded of that, because it is SO true!

Anyway... those that put their partner on the back burner, don't give time to them, turn around when the kids are gone and realize that the person they have married and spent a good deal of time with is no longer someone they love or know. It shocks them.

It's sad really.

But if you grow and change with your significant other... there is not shock and you KNOW them... and you continue to love them, in most cases! hehe!

WOW... NOVEL I AM huh? lol!

Kritta22 said...

Shelle- you probably didn't know that about me cuz I don't share it with many people.
We have a good marriage now and we let people believe that it was always that way.
Thank you for your support though! LOL

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

hahahaha! Kritta... that's funny!

Can't wait to meet both of you!

And like you I can't wait to see what other people have to say on this! :)

Kritta22 said...

that is such a good point about my parents.

I mean, i don't know what went on behind close doors, THANK GOODNESS! but that is probably what happened.

My mom was all about raising her babies!

Kritta22 said...

How come my comments are non-reply emails?? Is it just this blog??

sorry to be off topic but I love it when people reply to me!

IWA (e - va) said...
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IWA (e - va) said...
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IWA (e - va) said...
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IWA (e - va) said...

I love the VID's and I love your kids singing in the background!

IWA (e - va) said...

I love your better catch question! I always remind my husband of how lucky he is to have gotten me! haha!

Anjeny said...

Shelle, I love the videos. Your hubby's soo cute, he seems like he would rather be doing something else but because he loves you so much, he'd do anything for you. Like IWA, I love your "who's the better catch?" guestion. Since I am always on your side and of course we women should stick together...you are a better catch....I like to remind my hubby of that too..ahah.

I also like clan of the cave hair answer...totally nailed it. We do tend to love those whom we serve.

My hubby and I are incompatible in a lot of ways and compatible in other ways too. Even with the irritations I have with him, I do love him enough that I know I will do whatever I can to keep marriage going and I know he's doing the same thing. I'd like to think that love does play a major factor in keeping a marriage solid...and speaking for myself, if I don't have any love for my hubby, I would have left him a long time ago. But that doesn't mean that because there's love there, there won't be any irritations now and then.

IWA and Kritta...thank you both for sharing your parents' relationship with us. I still haven't figured out if my parents love each other or not...I'm sure they have some feelings for one another but I don't know if that was love or not. They both got married out of convenience and sometimes I think they did stick together for the same reason. They're both gone now, passed away one year after another so I guess I'll find that out when I see them again in the after life.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

KRitta--I have no idea??? I can't reply to your comments? I think i can?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

IWA--affairs are tricky things and can come from a lot of different scenarios and excuses.

They are selfish... yet, they happen.

It's hard to see your parents that way regardless... I understand what you mean about, "if our marriage ever gets that way, just leave me" sort of feel, but also, they are comfortable in their situation... so they stay together.

Maybe they fight all the time, but maybe they don't know who they are or what they could be without the other person in their lives?

I'm speculating, but like I told Kritta, I think maybe around their 30th year they woke up and realized they hadn't put their spouse as a priority and saw that they no longer KNOW the person next to them, nor do they like them or want to make the effort to TRY and reconnect with them.

So they live their life amongst each other, but separate.

It's interesting really, and happens to ALOT of couples... where they are more like siblings then lovers or partners.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

IWA--WOW, I'm glad your story ended up well with getting married... I've known a lot of people that ended up in your same situation and their marriages didn't last long at all.

THANK GOODNESS you got through that first two years!!!

And THANKS again for sharing that with us!

And your husband IS lucky to have you... just from your profile pic, I think you're HOT!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Anjeny--Thanks for the support girl... and I try only to be honest with those kinds of questions ;)

And I'm sorry to hear about your parents.

But I agree with you, I'd like to think that love is what holds it together and gets us through the rough times where we want to strangle ourselves for making the choice that we did! lol

And believe me... I know there are plenty of times where he wishes he would have made a different choice, although I hope there are more "I love that woman" times than there are "what did I DO!!!"

And I got him to do that video by a lot of yet to fulfill PROMISES ;)

binks said...

First off, you guys are just so dang cute. I loved the first one when DC was singing.

What of the difference between "love" and "in love"?

I think that "love" or being "in love" is such an arbitrary thing. Mutual respect and caring about someone - does that constitute love? Friendship and companionship - is that love? Is it passion? Sex? All of the above?

Are you "in love" when your heart skips a beat when you see your beloved? You still get butterflies?
Burning passion when you are together? You can think of nothing or no one else? And if only one or two or none of that happens, can you still be "in love"?

Some say that a marriage should be 50/50 each partner caring equally for the other.
I think, marriage is work.
Sometimes, it is 50/50, and things are easy and wonderful.
Sometimes, it is 60/40 or even 100/0. But, if each person cares enough about the other and is willing to be the one that gives 100%, each spouse is totally committed.
A marriage changes with every passing day. Feelings ebb and flow. Without mutual caring and respect, the bonds fray and deteriorate and marriages fail.

I guess, that I'm in agreement with Clan's comment about serving the other partner, but I believe that BOTH should be committed to serving.

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Binks... k that was such a GOOD comment. I really have nothing to add to that other than... you can write for REAL WORLD anytime k?

You and CLan of the Cave Hair COTCH are SO right!

It is definitely being the right mate... it is most definitely sometimes 100/0... but as long as we are both committed for the lONG haul... it will work!

I do however think it is possible to be in love and have a BAD marriage. I've seen it in action.

Missty said...

Wow! I am full of thoughts. I am all for an eternity marriage, but with that said... If I am not happy, I am not going to stick around. We aren't on this earth to be miserable! We are here to be happy and to learn and grow together as a couple or as a family. And if you are a crummy spouse I will find one that is wonderful to me.

So, now for the reason I say the above. My parents marriage - NOT Compatible - horrible, cheating, abuse, etc. But "Married for time and all eternity" uh-huh. Whatever! lol

And a few friends - same. Very sad in their marriages, not happy for different reasons.But you have to stay for________. (Kids, church, extended family)

I am all for working on your marriage, and truly giving it your all. But if it isn't working, it isn't working. I am not going to be miserable, because I made a mistake marrying an idiot!

One friend, husband has cheated a few times, a drunk, etc. But she does the "well I am married for ever" Or this is what I signed up for. Or There is nothing God won't give me I can't handle.

She is an incredible woman, and some lucky guy would love to have her! But she is married to this jerk!

All that said. My husband and I are very compatible with many things, and a few things not so much. I talk up a storm, he is more quiet. I am social, he isn't. But we know this and we work together, I don't talk as much and he tries to go do more social things with me.

From day one of our marriage, we have been the most important person to each other.

Spouse first, kids second, extended family, church, school, civil duties are all after the first two.
So many times people think church, school, civil stuff is first... because your spouse will understand, or should wait. Not here, won't happen.


Iwa - Its not a bad thing to TRY and show an interest in something your husband likes. (Like see his movies, play with his man toys, ask about whatever it is) It does many things First it keeps you from seperating more. Second, you just might like whatever it is. Third, you got to spend time with your man. Forth he will be happy you showed and interest and will probably recipicate.

And then last - what if you have a bunch of boys, they will like the man toys, the man movies, etc. You will want to be included! SO you better have already started with your man.

*that is why Matt bought me a dirt bike! We have 4 boys, and if I wan't to play, I need to be able to play their game. I had never even rode on the back of a bike, let alone ride one by myself, and have my own bike! Oh and I am such a girly girl! I kid you not! LOL (my bike riding clothes, very pink!)

Missty said...

Ok, I said I talk a lot!
I really think - if you know you are not compatable in areas, then that is what you really need to work on. If you HATE whatever it is, that is just going to keep creating more problems. Really think about what you don't like about it. I am going to use IWA as an example. ;o) lol Just cause I can think of an oppisite. You HATE guy toys - game boy, trucks, etc. But is he suppose to LOVE your purses, your scrapbooking, your fufu pillows on the bed? kwim? It probably doesn't bother him at all or as much as it does you. Because lets face it, women tend to be a bit dramatic, and bratty.

We can be different and yet be compatible. We can like different things, but not be bratty about it, and make our spouse miserable because they like whatever it is. kwim?

Its like we are setting ourselves up to be miserable. And really then we begin a push and pull effect. the more we push the more they take, and then we get ticked, then they do more, then we do.

If it isn't really going to matter in the scheme of things does it matter? Is it worth the nagging at them.

binks said...

I am surely no expert, and have only been married for a few short years.
I agree with Missty too. We should try to stretch ourselves and step out of our comfort zones. You may surprise yourself and your spouse. Even though I am not interested in many things my husband is, I will try anything once (within reason - lol).

Kritta22 said...

Wow! such great advice in here! seriously!!!!!!

I can't believe how supportive we all are. so great!

Kritta22 said...

I'm just digging these comments.

where's Sage?

Did someone let him out of his cage yet??

Uhttt Ohhh Connor would say.

Southern Sage said...

You called?

Southern Sage said...

First it seems if you "follow comments' you can't reply to the comment from your inbox.

Or that has been my experience.

Southern Sage said...

c. I don't watch videos, you need to send me the transcript!

Southern Sage said...

4. y'all sure are babblin on this topic!!!

Southern Sage said...

Compatible schamtable. If you have properly stated one anothers roles in your contract and follow that then all is always well!!!!

Southern Sage said...

Well I guess now I better leave some real thoughts.
I don't put much into love or any emotion. I know I know. Don't hate I'm just telling y'all!
I mean I love my kids and would die for my bride but thats for a specific reason. I would die for her cause she could raise my brood much much much better than I could.

I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww don't hate remember. Practical is I.

The bride and I courted for 10 years and have been married since. I reckon we are compatible. We don't fight cause we had a deal prior. Define compatible?
We have a good deal. I think. I don't want her to like al the stuff I do. I don't want her sweatin me all the time. Being right there. I don't want her to go deer hunting with me. I will not go shopping with her. I mean I don't guess I really understand the question. I do what I'm sposed to do and she does what shes sposed to do and alls well in Sageville best I can tell.

on some of y'alls comments, I could care less about the things she does or likes or whatever, I don't participate in them but I'm tickled she likes them. I don't ask her if she wants to go to the Nascar race or to slay a big doe or whatever and she doesnt ask to go.

I would poke out my eyes with a alligators toe nail if I hadta do all those things with ANYONE.

Then again I am fairly private person. I don't like folks pilferin and plunderin in my stuff or being in my grill all the time. Some might even say I also had personal space issues!

anyway, I dunno. It doesnt matter how compatible folks are as long as they allow their partner to do whatever they like.

Southern Sage said...

We are veryyyyyyyyyyy compatible as long as she does like I tell her!

;-)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Who knew REdnecks knew anything about comments or responding or computer/internet/blog anything!

Way to prove us wrong sage!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

hahaha@ getting back to your marriage contract. Glad that solves all problems!!! Wish that would have been written in the fine print or something, "please discuss with Sage first all the intricacies of a Marriage Contract he has come up with... AND bring your trapper keepers!"

It sounds like you and YOUR BRIDE will do all right. I read between the lines... you're head over heels for her and you lucked out that she waited for you!!! :)

LOL@is she does as you say.

My guy says the same thing all.the.time. to me. funny funny!

IWA (e - va) said...

Missty... Thanks for the advice! I go through my days thinking i have no time with my hubs and it truly bugs the heck out of me, when he's trying to relax after work by playing video games or working on his truck and not talking or paying attention to me!

Thanks I needed that paradigm shift!

Just Jules said...

did you seriously say you pay $65 for a hair cut? REALLY! youch!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I totally missed all the fun and I have so much to say after watching those vids. I hope I can remember. I don't think so.

First, your hub could be on The Office. He's a total Jim. And he got his haircut!!!!!! I loved his long hair. But his short hair ain't bad either.

And your $80 haircut is gorgeous. But way shinier than mine. It's the one way in which we are NOT twins. Also, my hair is curly. And I just paid $18 to get it cut.

I really got it chopped for the M&G on Saturday. It was a huge risk. We'll see how it turns out. Eeeek!

I think LOVE is so important in a marriage. But yes, you can have a horrible marriage if you are not compatible but you have lOTs of LOVE.

That doesn't sound like it makes sense, but it does. Some people love each other so much, but everything is against them. They can't overcome their obstacles. So tragic.

Other people are perfectly happy living together their whole life enjoying each other rather than loving each other.

It's complex.

I loved the videos. And I don't think it's strange that your hub gave you a tennis racket. What's strange about that?

WE BELONG