On Compatibility

When I asked my wife if she thought we were compatible, she said simply, “We are. We shouldn’t be, but we are.”

WonderWife™ and I are two vastly different people. She’s a self-proclaimed country girl, who grew up riding horses and would love nothing better than to settle into a nice cottage in the middle of nowhere. I am a city boy, who is afraid of riding horses and would go crazy if I didn’t at least have a multiplex theater and a bar within a 5 mile radius. She is messy. I am neat. She doesn’t like dishes left in the sink. I often leave my dishes in the sink.

A few years ago, I went through a period where I was upset at the differences between my wife and myself. I questioned how such a disjointed union could truly work. I wondered why my heart would let me pick a mate who has little to no interest in most of the things that I love the most. How could we be compatible if we’re so different?

It took some time but I came to realize that compatibility isn’t about liking the same things. It’s about the ease of co-existence and co-habitation. It’s about being able to make the important decisions together, like what color to paint the walls of the living room or how to raise your kids so that they don’t become assholes.

For all of our differences, WonderWife™ and I are extremely compatible. We make excellent decisions together. We remodeled an entire house together without a single fight. And she was pregnant! We work so well together because we agree on a few fundamental things: how to raise our kids, how to spend our money, what to feed ourselves, and that most anything on the Food Network is worth watching (except for that cocky bastard Emeril).

I knew that WonderWife™ and I were compatible because we lived together before we got married. Believe it or not, I used to be an old fashioned guy and bought into the romantic notion that at the very least, you live together after you get engaged. My opinion changed quickly after I lived with and was engaged to a woman with whom I was absolutely not compatible. It only took nine months before the fissures in that relationship broke through to the surface and it became apparent that she was my polar opposite in every way.

You want to know if you're truly compatible with somebody? Live with them for a year. When you live with somebody, you can't hide yourself. When you come home from vacation, you're still with each other. If you have a fight, you have no choice but to work it out. There are no neutral corners, no separate bedrooms. Live together. Love together. Talk about everything.

Sure there are times when WonderWife™ wishes I would stop making cheesy jokes. And there are times when I wish she would just sit down to watch Dark Knight with me on Blu-Ray (or even cared that we own a Blu-Ray player). But that doesn’t mean we view the whole wide world differently. We know where each other’s boundaries are, when to push buttons and when to compromise. This isn’t something we've had to work on. It's who we are as a couple.

Daddy Geek Boy

Here's the question for today: If you outlive your partner, how will you handle his/her death? Will you look for a new partner, a companion to live with, or new friends to fill your time?