Friday, July 31, 2009

ID: Intimacy Dysfunction

Many of us have heard of Erectile Dysfunction, or ED for short— but what about the lack of intimacy otherwise known as intimacy dysfunction.

How often do we find that we can't keep our hands off of each other when you first meet someone— only to find that the longer you know them the less you touch one another. Is this expected, or is it something that can be corrected.

I heard someone say that they do not like to be touched when they sleep. It makes me wonder if there is any intimacy in the bedroom for them. What about those people who move around a lot when they sleep. Does this effect how you cuddle with someone at night? Are you afraid to spoon with someone because you don't want an elbow in the eye the next time they turn? Then there are those who snore when they sleep. Is it annoying to try and be close to someone only to get an ear-full and be kept up all night? All of these seem like valid reasons for giving up on intimacy, but I do not believe that intimacy is restricted to just the bedroom either.

So often we find ourselves sitting in our favorite chair which only has room for one. How often do you and your partner settle together on the couch instead? Do you take the initiative and sit in the chair with your partner regardless— or are you too afraid you might break the arms off the chair.

Perhaps having children can be blamed. You certainly do not want your children to get the wrong impression about mommy and daddy. Is it too embarrassing to be close to your spouse when the children are present? I think it all depends on what form of intimacy you are engaged in. How often do you scratch your children's back— why not include your spouse as well.

Not to compare ourselves to primates, but I tend to see that they are comfortable with grooming one another. I knew a girl who liked to have her hair brushed. Why not brush your spouse's hair, or give them a back rub. It does not have to lead to something— it just needs to show that you are willing to be close.

I know that I am physically shy. It takes a lot of effort for me to be close— but I am trying. Sometimes all I need to do is just sit closer to my wife to show that I want to be close. Sometimes extending a hand when you are taking a walk is just enough of a sign that says "I want to be a bit more intimate".

I do not think that the man is the only one to blame for intimacy dysfunction though many stereotypes indicate that this is the case. It takes two people to have a relationship and intimacy should be a concerted effort between both parties. If we choose to we can beat ID without having to wait for the drug companies to come up with some new drug Intimadrol which cures this dysfunction.




CaJoh

9 comments:

valerie said...

I can totally see this happening. I think sometimes we can get so comfortable with one another that we kind of forget to do those little things we use to do when we were first dating. I have even been known to do that. Sometimes I have to remind myself to scoot over and sit closer when we are watching tv, not just sit on the opposite side of the couch.

Steph said...

I am one of those spouses whose DH snores, and we snuggle at night before bed and then when we go to bed we turn our seperate ways. It's much better than me being awake all night.

Also, he will wake me up sometimes to snuggle and it's great!!

Missty said...

We are very intimate -always. We always hold hands while walking or even in the car going somewhere. Always sit close - watching tv, etc. we even sit sometimes on the same side of the booth while eating out. lol Backrubs/scratches. Spoon while sleeping. And he SNORES!! So, the best secret I have to stop it, is- Usually he is snoring if he is laying on his back. So, I scoot really close and tight to him, he ALWAYS turn over as I am usually just a tad to tight for him. Wala! He stopped snoring! And I continue to spoon.

Even places like church or movies, etc. the kids don't sit between us, they sit around us.

As far as kids - I have no problems showing intimacy. They can see us kiss, hold hands, give a nice back scratch, hug, sit close, pat a butt as its walking by.

Can't wait to see others ideas. But like many times S.E.X. doesn't get much talking here.

valerie said...

Missty-I agree. We do kiss and snuggle in front of the kids. I think its important for them to see their parents to see effection between each other.

Youngblood4ever said...

As a kid I was embarrassed whenever I saw my dad grab my mom's butt. They also held hands CONSTANTLY. They kissed often (within reason- no tongue action when we were around). Now that I am married (have been for 10 years) I LOVE that I had a great example like my mom and dad. I love to sit by Hubby when we watch a movie at home. We hold hands in the car, on walks and sometimes even during a meal (which is funny since we are both right-handed).

My only issue is that sometimes I just want a backrub or to give a backrub, but that isn't all he thinks it is. This is an area we are working on in the communication.

Recently, since I am at my sexual-peak I have been blunt and told him the following rules for me are:

1. If I shut and lock our bedroom door- let's get it on.
2. If I touch you when we are in bed- let's get it on.
3. If I come sit on your lap (not just by him) - let's get it on.

Other signs of affection are just that, signs of affection. I like to show as well as tell him often how much I love him. Letting him now this has helped quite a bit.

Does any of this make sense?

Youngblood4ever said...

Oh, and even though I know my kids get embarrassed when we dance in the kitchen and kiss, or when we smack each other's behinds, it is only fair. I had to put up with it. I just hope they know that we truly do love each other!

dadshouse said...

I'm divorced, and lack intimicy and feminine energy in my life. When I have a girlfriend, I can't keep my hands off her, especially in bed and on the couch. I LOVE touch. When it's taken away, I appreciate it so much more after it returns.

mother goose said...

my spouse and I cuddle before and prior but I like to sleep without touching him, or perhaps just my hand to his hand or our feet lightly brush one another.

He loves for his hair to be brushed or his head to be rubbed. He likes to be caressed but I can not stand it. I love to be massaged.

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