Friday, June 26, 2009

The Guilt Trip

Aloha from the Crash Test Dummy, coming at you from an island far far away.

Today I feel like pouting.  To understand, you must first run over to Shelle's Blok Thoughts and read this post.

In case you didn't read it, allow me to summarize: Shelle recently drove herself to the airport and flew her son to football camp. Less than 15 hours later she returned home to find her hub waiting for her at baggage claim. He had driven all the way to the airport to pick her up, even though she didn't need a ride, simply because he couldn't wait to see her.

How cute is that?

Okay, it's cute if you're Shelle, but if you're not Shelle, it's one of those things that makes you go Ahhhh, NO FAIR!   (Hmmmph!)

This post dug up a pity party memory for me. A few summers ago I traveled to New Zealand and Fiji for two weeks with the History deptartment. I could hardly wait to return home to see my hub and kids so I called my hub and asked him to pick me up from the airport. I was arriving late, like 10 p.m. so I knew it wasn't PRACTICAL. 

My hub said, "we'll see."

I was disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm, but I harbored a secret hope that he would surprise me.

When I walked off the plane I looked around, but there was no sign of him. No sign of him at baggage claim either.  Dejected, I got on the bus with the rest of the professors and rode home.

To my dismay and disappointment, when I arrived home all the lights were out and everyone was in bed, including my stinkin' hub.

I felt so unloved and unmissed.

I tried not to react and show my disappointment so I jumped into bed and wrapped my arms around him.  

He patted me on the back.  That's it.

Uhhhh!  

DUDE!  

I knew it would have been impractical to drive so far, so late. And what would he have done with the kids?  But I also felt like he was emotionally punishing me for being gone in the first place.  It wasn't the first time I've cried in the bathroom after returning from a trip. 

One part of me was thinking "What about the PASSION?  What about the ROMANCE?"

The other part of me was suspicious he was sending me on a guilt trip.  

My dad was a master of the guilt trip so I have little patience for it and I often over react to it.   

If you were my therapist, how would you advise me to pack for a guilt trip?  


173 comments:

Anjeny said...

Aw Crash...if I was your therapist, you'd prolly fire me on my first day. See, I wish I could say that I relate on your experience but I can't because as I thought about it, the last few times I've gone on a trip, I came home like two in the morning to find my hubby waiting right outside the gate for me, you know the sliding door at the international part of the airport?

But then I feel your pain cuz I'm sure if I were you, I would give my hub hell for not coming to pick me up...and if he couldn't find sitter for the kids, bring them along or at least have the courtesy to wait for me at home.

Have you ever told your hub about how you feel/felt? I'm sure he didn't think it was a big deal for you, that's why he prolly never bothered so maybe you should tell him if you haven't already told him.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Aww, Crash. I'm sorry. I'm stickin' my tongue out at your hubs. He should know better (to at least be happy you were back). I am pretty sure after two weeks away my hubs would be a bit more enthused than a pat on the back.

But my Hub is the one who is always gone and it's his job so I am so used to it (and I kinda enjoy when he's gone sometimes, I get to eat what I want that he doesn't like, watch chick movies till I cry etc.)

I'm sorry he didn't make an effort for you. Maybe he just doesn't deal well with you being gone or know how to express how much he missed you. I say you tell him next time how much it hurts you when he does this. If you don't tell him, how's he going to know? Sometimes guys really need more than hints, they need you to flat out tell them. I'm sure the guys will chime in to that account :)

IWA (e - va) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Denise said...

Well, I'm in school to be a therapist, but I'm in the beginning of the my classes, so my first thing as an unexperienced therapist would be to tell you to pack a five knuckle sammich and punch him in the jaw for acting like that.

Then, after being fired from my first client, I'd rethink and advise you to make it more exciting for him... I know it sounds ridiculous when HE should be the one exciting you... but it might work to your advantage. Send him some freaky little texts about what you want to do to him when you get home, or an email, or anything that might get his juices flowing. Basically, just turn him on.

I know that if I left home for a couple of weeks my fiance would be going complete NUTZO... insecurities and jealousy would eat him alive, but that's just the man he is. He won't say anything about it, but to ease his retarded thought process, I'd have to make sure he knew how much I missed him.

T said...

I'm no marriage/family therapist - but I AM an official Guilt Trip Travel Agent... just ask my kids!

pack nothing - because the quickest way to recover is to throw yourself into life as IF there's passion and romance...

Of course, NEXT time... refuse to take the guilt trip or the pat on the back, INSIST that he get up and enjoy your company... he'll get over it.

T said...

I MEANT "wake up and enjoy your company" - some of you and your demented minds...

oh, well... okay, maybe I meant that TOO...

Missty said...

Aww, sorry. You can't fix the past, but for the future. I say tell him how much it hurt your feelings last time you were gone, and this time you hope he is just as excited to see you as you are him.

I also think it might reflect just daily life in general. Do you get excited to see him each night when he walks in the door? With hugs and kisses, or is it more, eh, your home. Maybe he was just feeling like the normal every day life. kwim?

When I have been away, my dh shows up with hugs, kisses, and flowers.

And each day when he comes through the door I tell him I have been thinking about him today, or that I missed him. He always smiles and say yeah, or really.

And no guilt, just try something new or different to get the results you want.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hmmmm. Some great advise. I like the knuckles punching him in the face part. hee hee

But seriously, I really like Denise's advice. I liked it about the S.E.X. too a few days ago.

I have told him straight out in many ways how much it hurts, but I think I used the wrong tone of voice or something. I think Missty is right too I need to work harder to make him MISS ME! and make it CLEARER that I miss him.

I'm such a big baby. I get rejected super easy and then I withdraw or pout. I need to GET OVER IT. I like T's advice too.

And maybe I need to consider, like Denise said, that he was insecure and jealous that I was traveling with a bunch of my colleagues and seeing new things and going to new places. Places he would love to share with me.

Ah ha! The light is going on!

Thanks guys.

Anonymous said...

I find my self in similar positions so I don't mean this in a mean spirited way at all. but one thing I can tell that you forgot to pack is perspective.

Shelly lives in her parents basement so babysitters are not an issue. I imagine her and MSM could still run errands together if they wanted.
2nd (I know i did not state a 1st but it was implied) she lives 1.7 miles from the airport. so it's not to much of a trip.

so MSM was not worn out watching kids by himself for 2 weeks he only has 1 day, and he had the in laws help. perhaps your hubby was run ragged since he is not used to being MR. mom.

Still I believe that you should not make excuses for your man, you should confront him and see what he comes up with. he is a big boy after all

that being said, you snoozing husband...total bummer.
I would suggest you bring it up with him, and tell him that he needs to at LEAST fabricate feelings of excitement to see you because it hurts your feelings, and you hope that he would never intentionally do that to you.
I did like the sexy text advice, less direct but a good Idea, unless the plan backfired you would be worse off.

I hope I have not offend anyone I just think that you really can't compare the situations

Youngblood4ever said...

Oh Crash! I am wiping some tears for you... I get it, been there, done that and I wanted to smack Hubby. BUT- there have been times that I drive home and he runs out of the house to meet me. Not sure what makes the difference for Hubby, but I have definitely let him know what I want from him. When he has gone away I try to make his homecoming extra special- just like I would want it.

Still- I think I would have grabbed a chunk of Hubby's backside to wake him up. Jump on him and say "This is what I expect after a long trip," then start tearing off his clothes. He might be more awake next time- and ready for what you expect.

Oh, and IWA- you said dildo! REALLY? Hehehehe!

Southern Sage said...

First I threw up in mouth at the summery.

The guilt trip?
I would have "not been in the mood" the next time.......

Men are easy to train, women have all the tools to do it, but lie any tools they must be used properly, with the correct amount of pressure applied!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Anon, thank you for your comments. You are so right about the perspective thing. That's one thing I love about this blog. It's so valuable to get other people's perspective. It is often pointless to compare.

Mind games and guilt trips can be very complex. I will say that I sometimes I project his parent's approach to marriage onto him and then make assumptions that history will be repeated in our marriage. Sometimes I react too strongly with an attitude of "OH NO YOU DON'T!"

Over the past several months I definitely see that I have more control that I think and I am accountable for our relationship dynamic.

Thank you all for your compassion, because it has been a very painful struggle for me over the years. But also thank you for your suggestions. Your firm kindness and advice is very theraputic.

Wouldn't it be awesome if we all had a personal therapist. ;)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Southern Sage. Ha ha ha ha. Such a man. Throwing up in your own mouth. But a perfect insight. I've never been good with tools.

I love it.

IWA (e - va) said...

Haha! Youngblood... just keeping it real! BUAHahahahahahaha!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Iwa, I CAN'T you said the D word either. It's hard to imagine you and I used to be in the Relief Society presidency together. ha ha ha ha

Southern Sage said...

Well the thing to do is force a comprimise.
If he wants some ummmm yeee haaaaw and you want him to mow the grass then connect the 2.

See if he KNOWS he will get what he wants if he gives what you and verse visa then eventually everyone will get what they want!

and the grass will get mowed

;-)

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I have to disagree with Sage on this one. Sex shouldn't be a commodity. Empty the dishwasher and I'll give you sex; clean the bathroom and I'll give you sex. Sex shouldn't be something you trade.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

That's true Andrea. That's one thing my hub and I don't do. Well, we do DO it, but we don't TRADE it.

That's a whole different level of gaming.

I just want to be loved, is that so wrong?

Seriously, Sage did make me think about my part of the the problem and the solution. It doesn't take much to make me feel rejected and I immediately clam up. I blame my abandonment issues. It can't be easy being married to someone like that.

sniff

IWA (e - va) said...

Just blame it on the whole "Men dont Listen" complex!

I actually tried the trading thing... but then he always expected it everytime he took out the trash...

I then tried to train him and help him realize that when Im not happy (or if i had to do the laundry) he aint getting it! Still didnt work....

Sorry really no advice for you.. still struggling with it too! and Sorry about the D word... i told my husband about it... he couldnt believe I said it either... hahaha!

Southern Sage said...

Well now. It seems that y'all have been applying the wrong pressure. It can't be known that it is a swap. You can't say hey if you cart the trash to the dump then we'll do the hokie pokie.

You have to be smarter than him. He is so easy to train. If he is a guy like me then feed us and ummmm yeah us then we'll do nearly anything. So you don't at 11:00 at night say nope none for you cause the grass ain't mowed. You say, while licking his ear, the yard looks good baby..... then its on.

Positive reinforcement. Not punishment. Then when the yard isn't mowed and he trys you (which should be nightly) you "aren't in the mood" you say, "I'm not really in the mood, I have clothes to fold and all this stuff around the house, when do you think you'll be able to mow the grass?" If he has even an iota of common sense he won't miss out but a time or two before the light comes on.

Sex isn't seen as a commodity by me either its scratching one anothers back.

My grandpa told me prolly 25 years ago "son if you don't tend your garden someone else will"

same goes for sex and your man.

Punishing with withholding sex won't work, that is for sure. Don't withhold it give it as a prize.

It doesn't have to be the grass, surely every house has well laid out "chores" if you will, that are his responsibility. When he gets those done then give a dog a bone, or something like that.
;-)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Okay Crash... first of all I think you should wallow in despair. You know how I am cause I'm you virtual twin and I love all the attention! And I LOVE to rub things in your face... nan-ee nan-ee boo boo!

Okay I kid

But girl that is why I had to WRITE about it because he seldom DOES stuff like that. I mean hardly EVER.

Perspective is right.

Anonymous must know me pretty well, when I was reading that comment back I was like, HUH? And how do they know so much???

BUT... the other thing to take into account is that HE DIDN'T have to BECAUSE I drove to the airport and BECAUSE it's only a few miles from where I live... that makes it special to me? He had every reason NOT to.

MR. MOM is actually never a problem for him, he would prefer it if I earned more than him don't kid yourself about that people... but that is a whole other post.

Anyway back to you Crash well and me cause this is important to know about perspective also. I told you this in email, but since we have been married I've probably cried every year on my birthday. Comparing it to your airport story, I had EXPECTATIONS of what he would plan or what we would do, and I was ALWAYS disappointed because he pretty much would do NOTHING. So the whole day I would be expecting cards or dinner or something... he's gotten better but only since last year and only because I laid down the law. lol!

But like others have said, next time when you talk on the phone you have to say something like, "When I see you at the airport I will do .... (feel in the blank" or joke about it and say, "I can't wait to land and see you with just a coat on and nothing underneath..." hehe!

Either way, don't make it a choice. Then someday... he will just be there and you want have to even say anything.

I mean, that is not how it happened with me... but I know when you do something enough it finally becomes habit right?

I can honestly say, and only after pulling out the redneck translation book, that I understand what Sage is saying. I would never use sex as punishment, I mean not anymore ( i did at a rough time in our marriage and it only added fuel to the fire), but as a rewards system I see how that works.

My husband and I have an understanding and I think the reason WHY he is doing stuff like coming to the airport when he didn't need to is because of SEX!

NO lie.

We have bumped up our sex life by talking about stuff that helps us get in the mood. I have stressed and stressed about surprises and doing the unexpected... that kinda stuff makes me melt and makes me, well, more in the mood.

THAT is the secret.

He is doing stuff that he KNOWS will get him the reward he wants in the end. ANd so when he showed up at the airport... not only did I smile and kiss and hug and talk about how much I LOVED it... but he was rewarded later when we got home.

So, for us anyway, SEX has been getting me what I want and in return he is getting what HE wants.

So if I read Sage's redneck right... then it is working for US... rewarding each other!

And guess what IWA-- I had to give my Dildo to the D.I. cause it wasn't getting any use! lol-- I kid I kid! hehe!

I was so sad yesterday that I couldn't respond while you were all in the heat of the discussion... especially since I was debuted as the example,

cause honestly Crash there is SO much I envy about you... can't wait to MEET you... cause it will be nice to see my VIRTUAL TWIN in real life!!! :)

Love ya all! This discussion has been so great!

Anonymous said...

Sorry shell if seemed creepy. I only know what you have said in your blog. I do read your blog (daily) cus I like it I just never comment since I don't actually know you I feel weird commenting. I did not mean to discount the gesture of MSM it was very nice I just was trying to help crash see that everyone situation is different and comparing is pretty useless it may have been much more unrealistic for her hubby to pick her up.
Sorry I did like that story and I meant not offense in my comment

Anonymous said...

Sorry shell if seemed creepy. I only know what you have said in your blog. I do read your blog (daily) cus I like it I just never comment since I don't actually know you I feel weird commenting. I did not mean to discount the gesture of MSM it was very nice I just was trying to help crash see that everyone situation is different and comparing is pretty useless it may have been much more unrealistic for her hubby to pick her up.
Sorry I did like that story and I meant not offense in my comment

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OH ANONYMOUS!!! NO NO NO! I didn't take offense AT ALL!!! Promise... not one BIT!

I thought you were completely ON on what you said for Crash!

You are RIGHT ON!

As you know then by reading me... I am also sometimes at fault for coming off differently then I want to! hehe!

SOrry!

I LOVED your comment! :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Okay, I'm kinda tearing up. First of all because Shelle said she gave her dildo to D.I. LOLOLOLOLOL '

We must tell Iwa about that. ha ahahahah

And second of all because you guys have really helped me. And I never ask for help. I hate making myself the V word (that rhymes with pulnerable).

And you guys are brilliant. You're right sage and shelle. And ANON too.

I wonder who anon is. Doesn't it make you curious.

Anon give us a clue? Anything.

LY everyone! I've got some work to do!

I'll return and report.

Southern Sage said...

Ok I reckon Shelle got it right.

Bumped up your sex ife!
haaaaaaaaaaaaa

That tickled me right there. I buy dildos on ebay, they have all but a couple worked too. If you get one that says "not much use" or "like new" those seem to be the best. Whats so funny about share a toy?

I did think while working while ago about the "sex as a commodity" it would seem to me that sex IS absolutely the only commodity that is universally understood, without any barriers of language, color, creed, religion or otherwise.

The worth though is negotiable it seems.

Anjeny said...

Ok..so why would anyone want a dildo or even spending money on it when they can have the real thing? According to Sage, no man in his right mind would turn down SEX so, ladies, you should do as Youngblood's hub point out a few post ago.."grab the bull by its horn"..lol.

Hmmmm, amazing how SEX seem to be coming in all these posts lately...Jules, is this your doing? Or is it yours Shelle? LOL

Anonymous said...

well Crash this is your mother-in-law
I just had to defend my son's behavior

Anonymous said...

SIKE
ha ha that would suck
I am just an anonymous reader

did i get ya?

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

MY MIL. OMGOSH! That was a good one, Anon.

LOLOLOL.

Especially good for those reading my blog around Christmas time.

Okay, I'm just reading the above which says to keep your comments classy and I'm rolling on the floor at Sage and his ebay dildo buying spree. Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! (As my MIL would say).

Sex really is the most intriguing topic isn't it. Men are never far away from their . . . phallyic symbols. eeeeewww!

I was just going to say something UNclassy, but I stopped myself . . . PHEW!

Shelle, btw, you da bomb. Thanks for being such a sweetie pie.

And your bro helped my son get an important interview for his History Day project, btw. That was cooooool.

Hi Anjeny!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

So do you guys think I should pack a dildo for the guilt trip?

Okay, that wasn't very classy was it?

Iwa, see what you started!

Where's Kritta when we need her?

Southern Sage said...

Anjeny if you know a dood that turns down SEX let him out of the closet!!!!!

Y'all women folks here always talking sex, sheeeeeeeeesh!

;-)

Missty said...

I Love Sages posts!! Way Funny!!
And I think they are right on, well, except maybe the buying on ebay. No sloppy seconds here, thankyouverymuch. lol

Southern Sage said...

I agree with Missty!!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Eww, I agree with Missty too.

And Sage, do you agree with Missty about your posts or about your sloppy seconds?

You were kidding about that right? right? right?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Crash... Sage is redneck... Hea completely serious. But we were taught better than to judge. :)

I agree with missty also!

Southern Sage said...

Why y'all hatin on ebay all the time for?

If its good stuff its good stuff.

We hit em all with some mercurochrome and a brillo pad before we use it. Sheeesh.

Y'all don't tote ur own utensils into restaurants do ya? How you know WHAT happened with that spoon before sticking it in ur pie hole?

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Touche' Sage Touche'... hahahahahaha!

But then again... we aren't buying those utensils off EBAY and those restaurants, the ones I go to, are on some strict health code restrictions... but you're right, we don't know.

And now I think you have ruined my blissful ignorance of utensils at restaurants!

Southern Sage said...

Just callin em like I see em!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Sage, can you really compare utensils in a restaurant to . . . um . . . ewwwwwww!?


ha ha ha ha You are a crack up. Come ere so I can poke you in the eye!

Whodathunk a guilt trip could take us so far off topic

April said...

OH WOW!!! I am speechless...and that is unusual for me! hahahahahaha!!!

Southern Sage said...

TCTD have you seen the chewers on some folks that eat in those places? They ain't seen a good scrubbin in weeks. How you know where their mouth has been before you licked all over their fork?! We Put the e-bay toys in the dishwasher BEFORE use! And come on they are only slightly used!!!

And another thing about restaurants!

How you know that cook washed up his nose pickers before he handled your food?? Sheeesh!

April is speechless!
I won I won!
The first time ever!!!!
I'm callin guiness!!!
A woman is speechless!!!
Dad-gum thats surely a record!
Someone call Katie Koran! She will want to put that on the news tonight!

hehe

y'all crack me up!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

We all crack YOU up?

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I am trying to picture a redneck washing a dildo in a dishwasher.

OMGOSH!!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

P.S. Hi April, Told ya it was Iwa's fault.

Hey, if we could just find Kritta we could get this comment box up to 100 before it's archived tomorrow.

Southern Sage said...

Well I don't actually wash it!!! I don't know how that contraption in there works!
Thats hi-tech machinery! My part is hauling water up from the crick to put in it, she does the actual washing!

If you tell Kritta the comments will absolutely blow up in seconds!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I'm wondering what a redneck dishwasher looks like? I thought it was the wife... If that is the case we have to take into account human error!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Ah shucks Sage u got in there b4 I could make my point. I hate being blackberry confined!

Missty said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Missty said...

OH my gosh!! I am loving this!

Forget about the redneck dishwasher, I am wondering...

Does a redneck dildo have batteries?
lol

Southern Sage said...

Well Shelle it usually refers to the bride yes but on Mothers day I bought her an automatic scrubbin board at the barn sale in town. It just so happened that the mule got well in time for me to go up there and get the lil woman sumthin nice. They even had Borax 2 fer 1!

We don't hold nuttin agin you technotards who are slow to the reply!

Southern Sage said...

Well Look it's Missty, the smartest woman in blogville! I know this from her prior comment!

I Love Sages posts!! Way Funny!!
And I think they are right on, he is a good lookin rascal too.

A genius is she!
(she might notta said all that but she thunk it!)

Well no ma'am we don't have those new fangled batteries we use pure horse power here. Well not horse power really, for the Dildo-rama to work to the lil ladies maximum enjoyment I rigged it up with some wires to a wheel what has a limb rat in it! You know like them rats some folks have up in the house? We have a limb rat in ours, ifn you joog him with a sharp stick he'll run like the dickens makin that thing just brrrrrrrr brrrrrrrrr bzzzzzzzzz brrrrrrrrrrr bzzzzz brrrrrr bzzzzzz.

Next time I'm up town I'd best get her one of them crashin helmets cause that dad-gum squirell got to runnin s'fast one time it throwed her of into the wall! She kepta hollerin "don't do that n'more!" "That dad-blame limb rat isa runnin fast enuf!!"

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

hahahahahahahhahaaaaaa!!! I can't see through the tears! THat's just awful... and funny... I don't know what to think!

It's so nice to get this kind of education we wouldn't get any where else!

Look what you started IWA!!! lol!

Missty does always ask all the right questions!

Missty said...

Oh Sage, you are a good lookin' Rascal.... spitin image of Clint Eastwood! Yummy!

And oh yes, you always have to wear one of those crashin helmets... you know safety first.

Just might have to head south ... to do some shoppin.

April said...

Yuck it up Sage! ;) At least our gender doesn't pick up dildos off the side of the road. (Worked with a guy who did just that! EWWWWWWW and he passed it on to another co-worker! Double EWWWWWWW!)

(See...it didn't take me long to get my voice back!)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

K April... Hi girl, love to see you got your voice back, but I just threw up in my mouth.

Double YUCK!

Missty said...

April, Maybe he is the guy selling them on Ebay??

Eww, I know, bad. lol

Southern Sage said...

Well I think somebody turned over SHelle's giggle box! Y'all do crack me up!! and who would not like to be in this here room with a bunch o' sexy girl female women?

Shelle that Missty is a follerin me on the twitter'n thinga-ma-jigger!!

Well I thank ya there Missty for that good lookin thing, I don't hear that much. All the girl female women keep on a tellin me ima 10, well when I was gettin learned down to the school house and got a 10 in cypherin, ritin or rythmatic momma'n em wouldn't be all that tickled!

Southern Sage said...

Ok this is a 100% true story. My MIL (Ma-in-law) runs the landfill for like 5 counties. Well one of the doods that works there found IN THE D.A.M.N. (so Shelle can read without closing her eyes) LANDFILL a vibe.

He took it home y'all. I ain't funnin any. HE TOOK IT HOME!

Came back the next day and told the other guys "I don't know why someone woulda thrown that away I just put new batteries in it and it worked fine! Suzy loved it!

100% true story right there. I poop y'all not!

Missty said...

I might be following you ... but not to close!

And that is the grossest story I have ever heard. Really. the wife didn't say anything, like you are out of your head? Or eww... oh yeah... your in the south. LOL Just kidding.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Sage... MISSTY is following me also! ANd I bet she was following me before you, which is the way it should be.

But she's pretty smart... she already nudged me to update my TWITTER??? I don't even know how to do that!

Missty, you mind telling me how?

Anyway... I didn't just throw up in my mouth this time, I actually threw up...

That is HORRIBLE... redneckville is rough if you have to find vibe's in the dump... and where in the WORLD did the guy find batteries?

Southern Sage said...

Shelle you maybe better council with that Missty woman, girl, female, with her follerin it'll be pert near impossible for her not to fling a cravin on me!

Missty, yeah thats gonna be right up there on the grossest ever list no doubt. Well the guy and his wife are both my cousins but I didn't think it was much of business to find out the facts on the discussion of vibrators twen kin folks.

Southern Sage said...

Well I suspect that there were some gross vibes in the dump that had good batteries in em! So he took the good batteries out of the undesireable vibes at the dump.

That is if I hadta guess?!

I dunno how to update my twit, I just reply if someone says something that needs replyin to!

Someone pleaseeeeeeeeeeee get Krita! I tweeted Youngblood to come on and join the fray!

Missty said...

Shelle, LOL. I don't know how I did the nudge, and then I couldn't figure out how to let you know I didn't mean to nudge you. I was looking at those who are FOLLOWING ME, and beside your name it said nudge?? So I clicked it to see what would happen, and it said I just nudged you. LOL oops, I still don't know what exactly I did. Like you need a nudge to update, lol.

THis twitter stuff, is the best stalking thing, dontcha think?? lol

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

aaaahhhh! Well good to know Missty! Now I'm going to nudge everyone just to bug them! hehe!

LOL@ batteries in the dump and that it was your cuzins!!!

Ya know who I want to hear there opinion on this? Mr. Anonymous! WHERE oh WHERE are you???

And Missty--that is why I fell in love with Twitter... it's perfect for stalking! Better for me than FaceBook because it would be creepy for people to know all my inner thoughts who knew me in REAL LIFE! hehe!

And you better watch out for Sage boy, he might just charm you off your feet, can't you tell by his comments what a classy guy he is??? :) Lub ya Sage! :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OH my goodness! Sage are you fo' real? You are just another Crash Test Dummy ain't ya? You can NOT be fo' real.

I only have one dildo story to tell and it happened when I went babysitting when I was 15. The people I babysat for had one on their dresser along with a whole bunch of books and porn mags.

Ewwww. The first and last time I laid eyes on one of those thingiemajigs.

Southern Sage said...

Well dad-gum! Why were you a pilferin through their drawers for??

(remind me to never leave CTD alone in my house!! She'd fall out if'n she plundered through the second drawer from the top in Sage Shanty!)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGosh, I wasn't going through their drawers. It was right on top of their dresser and so was all the other stuff. And I had to walk through their bedroom to get to the babies room.

But yes, PLEASE don't ever leave me alone in your bedroom. ha ha ha ha

Missty said...

Crash we have the same baby sitting story! My first sight of a vibe, was babysitting, same thing, they left it by the bed.

Who doesn't put those things away immediatly!! LOL


And yeah,. I am getting into twitter today! LOL I do like it better than facebook. I only lasted maybe a week on there.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Hehe crash that was good! Kritta is on her way over! Yay!

Southern Sage said...

I had to comment cause Shelle was the 69th comment on a vibe/dildo conversation!

Sheeesh

And Kritta is on the way, I didn't figure to get a word in edgewise!!

CTD, I, being a southern gentleman, full of impeccable manners and charm would never leave you alone in my bedroom!

Missty dang you were plunderin through foks stuff too?!
shame!

Twitter should be the name ofa vibe I'm thinkin!

What kinda freaks did y'all baby sit for? sheeesh, dad-gum kinky folks. I wonder if their vibes came from the side of the road, e-bay or the dump?

IWA (e - va) said...

I cant of anything to add to your guys conversation, except that i cant stop laughing... really.... and i burnt the cookies i was making because i was laughing so much!

But after telling my husband about saying dildo over here, he sent me own his own guilt trip!

So yesterday I tried to prove to him that it wasnt such a big deal so everytime he ask me anything... i would mouth the word dildo at him!

At first I kept thinking Eeewww.... but after a while we just started laughing and it all stoped!

Personally I've never seen one... but like i told my husband... dont knock it until you've tried it! Eewwww!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I kinda feel cheated with the families I babysat for now! I was shyly introduced to dildos after I was married! Such a shame... Although porn mags r a total other comment rant.

Maybe Kritta was punking me?

IWA (e - va) said...

One more thing.....

My husband got all embarrassed for me because, as he says "who says such a thing", i mouthed back DILDO!

He said, "what if we happen to run into someone who read it?"

I told him... everyone lives on the mainland except for crash, your being paranoid....

Today I went to my cousins missionary farewell in the next city and we sit down and who just happens to be in that ward and sits right i front of me... Anjeny...

i was about to say Hi , and then my husband leans over and says do you know her, I said Yup, she's a blogger, and he freaked and moved to the end of the pew! haha!

Missty said...

Oh Sage, I love that name for a vibe!! LOL

And freaks, who says you have to be a freak??? Well, if you get them from Ebay or side of the road or the dump, now that would be a feak!

IWA (e - va) said...

Twitter sound too delicate! well... Maybe if it updated you on everyone else's status while it was on! LOL!

Homer and Queen said...

I vote phone sex...I call mine a couple of times while I am gone, so trust me he is WAITING for me with open arms and other stuff...27 years married and we are keeping it new!

I love you Sage! and shelle and crash...

Southern Sage said...

IWA
Dang sister you gotta get the hook up!

Shhhh don't tell anyone but there is a dood on ebay that has some killer deals on "slightly used" "like new" products! Ships anywhere! Pay with pay pal.

(I don't wanna put the ink out here cause these kinky chicks that comment here will buy em all out, so hit me up behind the curtain for the addy!)

Southern Sage said...

Shelle didja plunder through their chiffarobe? Look all throught heir drawers? Pilfer their nightstand?
look under the bed?

you need baby sitting tips from CTD and Missty!!!!!!!!!

Anjeny said...

OMG Iwa!! You were in my ward sitting right behind me?!! I should have followed my two-year old example and turned around...omgoodness, I wonder how the convo would've gone. So you must have bailed out right after Sacrament uh?

Crash...please poke her in the eye.

Ok, so I have been trying to be a very good girl and stay off the net today but as you can see, I'm such a weakling cuz here I am. And reading the banter between Sage and you three very devoted chicks ..this has been the most fun I've had in a long time.

The whole time I was reading I kept picturing a farm with a chicken coop and one rooster strutting about trying to take his pick among hens...lol.

{I still can't believe Iwa was right within reach and I didn't even know.}

Southern Sage said...

IWA
haaaaaaaaa you shoulda introduce your hubs and said " Here is my hubs, he is embarrassed because I said dildo on a blog today"

Lol @ to delicate!! ha

Shelle didja get punked by Kritta? I think so! She might be mad at you and only do 31 comments on this post!

Misty y'all are all freaks! Getting them by the side of the road and such!

H&Q
Hmm that actually isn't a bad idea! Just don't go all the way! Ya know third base then whoa up and say maybe if you are a good boy when I get home we can search ebay together for stuff!!!

Ok later taters its midnight in civilization.

Anjeny said...

I think Sage might as well open up a "slightly used" "like new" sex toy shop...lol.

Missty and Crash...where did you advertise your babysitting ads? LOL

Actually I would love to babysit at Sage's....NOT!!!

Southern Sage said...

Anj
I am the rooster right??
just checkin!

cockadoodledoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Queen I just came wait until we crash SITScation in Vegas as some chips significant other! Way to keep it real though!

Sage... Hello THEY didn't have to pilfer they just saw it laying there... I guess I just babysat prudes! No fair!

Anjeny- IWA needs to b poked in the eye for sure!

IWA r u going to show ur hubs the comments u started!

Southern Sage said...

Anj yeah thats for sure. My young'ns would run u crazy in seconds they are mean like their momma! I can't open the shop, sigh, when the toys live here they ain't in the "slightly used" category for long!!

Shelle hmmmm so just plundering around in the master bedroom????
ok I'm really out now!

later taters

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Stink... Dumb blackberry. What I meant to say to Queen was...

I can't wait to go to SITScation in Vegas and crash the party as some other chics significant other!

Sage I think Anjeny is On to something. Thinl of all the rednecks and freaks u would help out. Forget about ur trellis gig!

Kritta22 said...

Oh my stinking goodness!!!

First off, did anyone see that Crash said dildo??

I almost took a picture with my camera!

Kritta22 said...

Sorry I'm late, I didn't punk you!

As soon as I replied to your email I had a brain flash and remembered I had to get my blood drawn for that baby making thing.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha

Oh, I'm laughing so hard. It's so fun to talk about the d word on sunday. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

You guys are great fun! And we might make it to 100 without Kritta.

With Kritta we could easily do 200!

Kritta22 said...

Kinda important in my world.

So this is interesting comment box! I heart it bunches!

Kritta22 said...

With you in here Crash....I'll make 200!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

OMGosh Kritta is here! WAHOO!

I'm sorry you had to hear me say that word, Kritta.

Kritta22 said...

I have an interesting story about my first porn experience.

My uncle lived with us for a few months when I was about 11. He didn't make his bed one day. (He slept in our living room.) So being a great niece I went to make his bed.

Kritta22 said...

A box of porn video went flying. My sister and I busted a gut and laughed at the pictures!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Wouldn't it be fun to have a slumber party with all of us and the redneck. HA HA.

Iwa I'm so laughing at what you mouthing the d word to your hub. And how funny you sat behind Anjeny in church after you started this whole conversation.

It's a small world after all.

Kritta22 said...

so yeha that's my story. Oh I have a pleasure stick story too!

I'm not a fan of the d word. It makes them sound soooo gross!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Ha ha Kritta. Once our good friends in college (here at TVA) bought a new TV at Sears. They ended up with the display model and when they brought it home it had a porn video inside. They still tease me because they said when I found out I said "Oh, you guys are so lucky!"

Kritta22 said...

LOL you guys have to look at each other and know you said the d word! LOL

Kritta22 said...

Score for Crash!!!!!!

That's like $50 at a pawn store!

I bet you threw it out!

You should have ebay'd that up!!!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh my goodness. We're at 97 comments.

I have another d word story.

When I was 12 or 13 I didn't know what it meant. I thought it meant dork.

So I had the worst Sunday School teacher ever and one Sunday I got really mad and called him a dildo right in class.

YIKES!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ooh, I'm number 100! YAY

Kritta22 said...

How come you guys trash ebay? I'm with southern. It's good things!

You just gotta be careful.

Why on EARTH would you buy a second hand pleasure stick???

That just screams STD's!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

I was number 100 on my own post. I get the golden ticket!

Wahoo!

Kritta, it's so good to see you again.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Okay kritta ur excused if u had to give blood to help u become a baby makin machine!

Yay! Kritta is here! I wasn't punkd!

Now will u keep it to a whisper? We r all sleepin here... Sage is zonked and snorin on the luv sac and missty has fallen asleep at the computer twittering...and IWA is hiding with her husban not tellin anyone she is behind us! And crash... Crashed looking at sages line of new and used D word...

Kritta22 said...

Primary kids say the funniest stuff EVER!!!

Seriously!

LOL I'm typing with my mouth gapping open!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Kritta don't question sage, the guys got stories about kitchen utensils.

Kritta22 said...

Hi Shelle! Should we put IWA underwears in the freezer??

The Crash Test Dummy said...

HI Shelle Belle!

Let's mob Sage and Missty.

Kritta22 said...

kitchen stuff huh?? That's interesting like a mixer?

Oh my mind is going dirty! :)

The Crash Test Dummy said...

hee hee. We could think of some fun pranks to play on Iwa. And Anjeny. But they are both still awake. It's only 7 pm here so they'll be back.

Kritta22 said...

Let's put Missty's hand in warm water and draw on Sage's face!!

You go get the marker!

Wait I have plenty of markers with all these boxes over heere...

Kritta22 said...

You guys need to get on Hawaiian/Alaska time zone....it's where the cool people hang out!

LOL

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Oh shoots, my visiting teacher is coming. I gotta go get spiritual.

Kritta22 said...

Hey Crash, did you put cookies on my porch?? I got home from getting my blood drawn and there were cookies on my porch...you?

Kritta22 said...

LOL spiritual! You are going to be thinking about us the whole time! LOL

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Of course it was ME, Kritta.

I wish it was. I did put spiritual cookies on your porch.

What shape were they? ;)

Kritta22 said...

so I didn't give my advice...

I'm with some of the others, rip his clothes off.

Kritta22 said...

they have oatmeal and some kind of berries or something....I had McD's in my hand so I haven't eaten any yet.

Kritta22 said...

K I'm getting the dirty looks from my hubby. He has to go play his mafia wars. I'll be back after...promise!

We gotta get to at leeast 200!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

I'm on my blackberry so my respond time stinks... But I'm lmbo at what u guys r sayin!

Yes let's draw on his face! What if missty kills the computer by twittering with a wet hand! Safety first girls! I wish I was chillin hawaiian and Alaskan times!

But I'm stuck here on my blackberry giving my thumbs a workout to comment! Bleh... Working graves.

U can feel sorry for me!

Anjeny said...

Kritta...I love your porn story. And yours too Crash...but I'm pretty sure none of you ever swore at a missionary..right?

Ok, so I didn't mean to swear at the missionary...we were at church and he was asking me if he and his companion could come over to visit our family(now folks, I can only blame this on the fact that English is my third language, ok?). I was trying to be very clever and smart, (I was sixteen) and I thought I'd shorten my response, instead of saying "it's up to you", I blurted out "up yours" thinking I'm such a clever girl for thinking that up all on my own.

First his face turned a shade of red and then he burst out laughing so hard he was practically in tears and after he told me what that meant, guess who was the one with the red face? Yeep.

Anjeny said...

Yes Crash..I'm all for pulling pranks on Sage. Maybe Shelle can go label all his ebay "slightly used" toys...ewww!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Hey WTF People! I had 90 emails from comments in my inbox this morning. I'm closing comments. I think this subject has been covered.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

So ya know, I WAS kidding. But good golly on the comments. Honestly I couldn't even read them all. My blackberry had a heart attack trying to process all of it!

Kritta22 said...

Oh I'm so glad it was just a joke! I was freaking out there for a bit!

Kritta22 said...

Crash and I were chatting to 200!

Kritta22 said...

But if crash isn't on here....my goal is 150...just for the record.

So I got poked today, in the arm and I think the guy blew through the vien. I have the worst bruise I have EVER had from a blood draw. I wanted to punch the guy. So did chris!

Kritta22 said...

So back to the guilt trips...

my hubby doesn't do many guilt trips.

My sister does though. She is the queen. I hate it!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

You crack me up Kritta! Did you know that you could crash the internet single handedly I have a feeling??

I'm here for the moment, having my breakfast. I'll try to keep up!

Kritta22 said...

are all you guys sleeping??

I KNOW Crash isn't! Where are you?

My post is tommorrow...I can't remember what I wrote but I hope it's awesome.

Kritta22 said...

Oh that's right Blogging.... it's morning over there. So weird, these time zones!

Is it Sunday morning or Monday morning?

Kritta22 said...

So what else is there to talk about?

We went hiking yesterday. 3 miles to the lake, 3 miles back.

We only carried Connor for 2 of those! He did such a great job.

Kritta22 said...

Anytime Chris leaves for work, I meet him at the door. I wish that for you Crash!

Kritta22 said...

One time, there was even a dance.

To Brittany.

He loved it!!

Kritta22 said...

I dig this site, you can talk about anything. As much as I heart Crash's comment box, you can't say the d word over there.

HER MOM needs IT!!!

Kritta22 said...

i hope she doesn't read over here. I'd be soo embarassed.

How come I'm embarassed cuz of Crash's mom?

She's going to be in Heaven, I walk in...Hi Kritta22...I've read your comments on ITRWVVM blog. Tsh, tsh tsh...I'm telling.

Kritta22 said...

can you just imagine? I'm going to have dreams about this tonight. Meeting Crash's mom in heaven and her telling on me.

Dang it.

Just for the record...I only said the d word once. I'm just saying, CRASH!!!!!

Kritta22 said...

HAHA I just read the post before...we actually have turns on who's turn it is to choose our position! LOL

TMI??

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

It's Monday Monday. Hot as heck too...

Kritta22 said...

this feels a lot like Crash's comment box cuz I'm talking to myself. I hope you guys enjoy my comments in the morning.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

OKay catching up on your comments (which by the time this posts I am sure you've left ten more)

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Kritta- u know how I donate plasma? I get those bruises also! Lol.

I'm working so I can only pop in once in awhile!

Good for u and ur walk. Since sage is zonked let me ask the question he would of... On ur walk didja find any D-words "slightly" used or in need of batteries?

And I bring it full circle!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I heart Crash's mom but I would be SO embarrassed! I had someones mom (other than my own) read me once and she left a comment. It was so funny. I was like Captain Dumba$$'s mom commented on my blog! WOW

Kritta22 said...

So since no one is talking to me, I'm going to tell you about me.

I'm a SAHM with a two year old running around. We have problems having babies. So I'm on the last day of Clomid challenge. I hope I'm el prego right now.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

BTW- YOu all need to go to MY site for a coupon code for some Whooga Uggs! $30 off ladies!!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Your post that you cant remember is on this subject, the baby making

Kritta22 said...

oh people are talking to me!!!!

I didn't find any pleasure sticks on my walk. I'm in ALASKA for goodness sake. If they were left out there, they would be frozen to the ground! With died batteries.... NO GOOD!

we had snow last week.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I was thinking you were in the heat with Crash. But that's right your the Magic Quilt lady and I sent you some fabric. The quilt looks AWESOME btw!

Kritta22 said...

oh adversiting!

My sister bought me uggs for Christmas last year. The same sister that is the Queen of guilt trips.

example: she bought me said boots and got mad that I only spent $50 on her. Then the guilt started. chris told her to jump off a rock. LOL

Kritta22 said...

Thank you! My mom actually helped a bunch with it. It is almost done. I need to finish quilting it. (Making the designs on the top trhough the back.)

Kritta22 said...

150! YEAH for me! And Blogging! And shelle

Did you guys know that I'm giong to go visit Shelle in a few months?

JEALOUS?

Kritta22 said...

K well I'm getting the evil glare from hubby....it's 'bedtime!"

Hehehe

Have a great evening/morning!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Good night! See you in the comment box next time :)

IWA (e - va) said...

OMG I keep missing the parties!

First off before kritta and shelle going through my piles of laundry, I dont wear underware! have fun looking! haha!

IWA (e - va) said...

Did anyone come to a conclusion on if a redneck "D" has batteries?

I have been laughing for the past couple hours, just on that thought alone!

IWA (e - va) said...

Also... The D word was said in Crashe's comment box....Anjeny spilled it while she was thinking about MJ!

I would still love to see what you MIL says about it Crash!

IWA (e - va) said...

Anjeny.... I was in back of you until the actual passing started... then my baby started throwing fits and I didnt know how tolerant your ward might be since it was completely quiet when we showed up! so i ended up by the door for the rest of it!

I actually recognized your daughter from your site and then you walked in after her and I knew it was you!

IWA (e - va) said...

Btw anjeny... I love the "up yours"! that's hilarious! seriously... im still giggling! now every time i see a missionary, I gonna think about you! haha!

IWA (e - va) said...

kritta the quilt is beautiful!

I'm jealous of your talent... Last year I tried to make one for my husbands cousin baby, and when it was all done, we were so embarrassed, we ended up sticking a gift card in it hoping it would distract from the craftmanship!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

ARe you KIDDING ME? I love me some UGG'S! UGH! :)

Iwa...I'm poking you in the eye for not saying anything to Anjeny! Honestly... I might have to come over there!!!

ANd NO WAY ANJENY... I call NOT IT at labeling used Pleasure sticks.

I like that name better also Kritta!

Kritta and me and meeting I'm So STOKED!!!

IWA--top secret... I don't wear real underwear either??? Not the ones the call panties anyway!

Oh and Crash's Mom shouldn't read our blog... just sayin. But she's welcome to I mean as long as she is okay with Rednecks throwing around D-words!!!

And I got jipped on the good porn stories also... hello people I walked out of Pretty Woman when I snuck in cause I felt bad I was watchin a rated R!

I ashamedly admit that it is one of my all time favorites... right up there with Girls Just Wanna Have fun and Dirty Dancing.

That's not to say that I might have good stories SINCE I've been married.

LOL!

and Kritta--you choose your position Pre-intimacy every time?

That's all organized of you guys!!! :)

Kritta you DO have talent... I can't even sew a straight line. But I always give it my best effort!

K...I'm actually going to go to bed!

Missty said...

Oh my GOSH!! Look what happens when I had to leave the fun! Dang!

Yes some of us - me and Sage had to go to bed, well... er, not together. But he sure looks cute with the Marker mustache!!
Just sayin'

Southern Sage said...

woooooooooo hoooooooo
Krita is here!!!

Southern Sage said...

Why y'all gotta pull pranks on me for?
That ain't right.
Sheeesh

Southern Sage said...

Why Blogging Mama Andrea close comments?
She must be a Democrat, always pulling out early, never finishing anything!

Southern Sage said...

Ok this is just wrong on so many levels!

Krita said you can't say the D word at Crashs site cause her mom needs it!

thats just way way way wronggggggg

Southern Sage said...

Y'll people gotta stay at it longer! One position?
sheessh
I get cramps after 45 minutes! Gotta change up!

Southern Sage said...

I hope you are bred Kritta!
Good luck!

Southern Sage said...

Woot Woot!!!
I knew I like IWA!!!

I don't wear any drawers either!!

Southern Sage said...

Dang IWE!
I splained the power source of the redneck D!

Southern Sage said...

Sheele are you and Kritta bringing ummmm pleasure sticks to the meeting?

Southern Sage said...

Dad-gum!!
I think Missty just propositioned me!

Hmmmmmm

y'all ain't right.

The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Oh my goodness!

I came on last night and comments were off at 122 so I thought the party was over.

Then I check back this morning and WAHOO! Nobody was being classy at all.

Okay, fer the record, my mama don't read my comment box do no worries. And neither does my ma-in-law.

So if you want to drop the d- bomb that's fine, but it's more fun over here cuz no one can see us.

hee hee

Okay, Iwa I can't believe you and Shelle don't wear underwear. ha ha Don't you think I should have known that as you RS prez?

And Sage, my goodness! That's all I can say.

Southern Sage said...

TCTD
hehehe

Nuttin twixt my Wrangles and danglers!




Thats funny right there I don't care who you are.

Shelle just spit her drink through her nose.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Sage is right... lol... Something came up my nose when I read that! hahahaha!

You guys are funny! And funny lookin on Sage's part!

WE BELONG