Monday, June 15, 2009

it figures...

let's be honest - as much as we've all heard that what matters in a relationship is "sense of humor" - or "respect"... we all know that we're looking for something else first.

During the "dating years" my worst fear was hearing myself described by a guy as "special"... you know, as in - "hey, do you want to go out with my cousin?  She's a special girl..."  Hello!  that's just code for "hey, she's not too easy on the eyes but if you can get past that you'll probably have some good conversation"  The only thing worse - "She's got a sweet spirit"... words certain to guarantee excessive facial hair protruding from moles!  

Nope, I wanted to hear "man, she's HOT!" (and yes, I know that under that make-up America Ferrera is a fine looking individual...)

Of course, being as I never actually went so far as to eavesdrop on my dates once they'd gone home I have no idea what was being said to roommates.  Actually - that's not quite true...  you see - ManOfTheHouse and I went out on one date and then a week later his roommate called to invite me to a movie...  

Here's where I offer a few excuses for my stupid behavior:
1- I really thought it was a whole group going to the movie
2- I REALLY thought I was paying for myself... up 'til the point I had to put away my money
3- I assumed that (as girls would have done) that this guy had asked M.O.T.H. if he was going to date me again (and received a "no") before stepping in... and this bummed me out.
4- I'd been DYING to see the movie!  (c'mon... it was A River Runs Through It... does that make me old?)

Excuses aside - I was dumb enough to accept.  So I DO know that this guy described me in less than flattering terms.  Perhaps it could have something to do with the fact that I felt uncomfortable the entire date and the guy drove me CrAzY?  This guy actually warned M.O.T.H. not to marry me (based on his vast one date experience?) which luckily M.O.T.H. paid no heed to!  but that's not the point...

What was my Point???? (sorry, I tend to ramble)

Okay - what are we looking for in a mate?  More specifically - if we have that mate - how much effort should be put into maintaining that perfect body that attracted them in the first place.

I did the whole "diet" thing two summers ago - lost 30+ pounds and was... well, "pleased" with the reaction from M.O.T.H. - he appreciated that I was taking care of myself.  I got many nice compliments and caresses on the shrinking areas of my body.  He never once said "hey baby - get over here NOW because that sense of humor is turning me ON!"  (hmmm... would that work too?)

I've had 5 children via C-section and fed them all in the "natural" style as babies...  This has not been so kind to "the girls" who are now showing a little wear and tear...  WonderBra or Surgery?  No, sorry - the answer can't just be to let it all go, because with my height issues I prefer to look like an adult female and not a pre-pubescent teen.  I've gotten a few "looks" from friends and family when the surgery option is discussed - but really... I'd seriously consider it if I had the cash.

Speaking of surgery - despite all that dieting (can we say Yo-Yo dieting?) lipo-suction is looking REALLY good to me right now!  and maybe a little tummy tuck to rid myself of some excess skin... seriously guys - C-sections suck.  A whole "mommy-makeover" (boobs, butt, and bulge) would be welcome (aside from the billing issue).

Here's the question - is it a cop-out?  Could I accomplish the same thing with 5 years of exercise and dieting?  Women - is this reasonable to consider?  Men - is there a turn-off factor to knowing it's not all real?  

Post By T - and today T stands for Tantalizing :)


Susan said...

OK, first, I think I was "old" even back when I went to see "A River Runs Through It"...

So from this old woman's perspective, I totally think if it will make YOU feel good, do it. As long as you're not doing it for something else, in a continuous search for "better".

Hell, just watch any of those "The Real Women of ...." reality shows and you'll think any type of cosmetic surgery is as common as water!

However, if you don't already exercise regularly, I think that should always be the first start. It will come back if you don't change your lifestyle! And you'll get a lot more out of regular exercise - regular de-stressing, a regular self-esteem builder, and most importantly a healthier body!

It would be cheaper to hire a personal trainer for a period of time to at least TRY IT, vs. the surgery. Do a test run!

Cameron said...

"Men - is there a turn-off factor to knowing it's not all real?" Not at all. I'll bet MOTH would be more than happy with the smaller, sleaker, tighter you, regardless of whether you did it through 5 years of exercise or through surgery.

Danielle said...

Good Post! I had surgery pre-baby on my "girls" and for the most part am happy with them. (Baby took a little toll, but not too bad). I am all for surgery if it is right for the individual and think that for the most part, society is good with it these days.
I am also a HUGE fan of exercise and hard work. Surgery can't do everything. But a little sweat can.
The dicision is what you feel is right for you.
Both are my choices. Thank God for Botox!! PS I haven't had that yet, but am going to as soon as finances alow! :)

T said...

hehe - I DO exercise... and I'm sure I could do more... and frankly - since it will take me 3 years to AFFORD the mommy makeover, I'll be tightening my tushy all my own way first :)

Anjeny said...

Hi T...loooove the topic. I so hear ya on the "girl" wear and tear part. I had to "natural feed" six of my babies so of course you can tell these poor "girls" are in totally need of

I would op for the exercise though...I'm not a big fan of surgery, the thought of being put under and having someone cutting any part of me...just doesn't sit well with me. I had all six of my kids (one of my kids is adopted) naturally so luckily there's not cutting of anything (ok, I lied, I had a small incision with the first baby because she was too big for my small body) so I would agree with you that C-section really does suck! AND to do that 5 times!! A brave soul you are indeed. Ok moving on...

So I'd go for the exercise's a great stress reliever, a time out for yourself or if you're with friends, you can throw in some girl bonding time, not to mention the wonderful feeling you get from all that exercise..well, these are just a few I can think of right now. Oh yeah, you do it long enough it will become just normal part of your life and of course, you feel good about yourself that you actually are accomplishing something, you know?

But it's up to you...if you're all for surgery, I'd say go for it...but be sure you're doing it for yourself and to not get caught up in what "hollywood' is portraying.

Again...great topic "Tantalizing" Tonya!!

Youngblood4ever said...

Man, I have thought about this one a LOT! After 4 kids, stretchmarks and all (including the "natural feeding") I look NOTHING like I did back in the day. I don't like being neked. I don't like stripping for the hubby even. No matter what he says, I know how I looked on our wedding night (which was slim, trim and toned). I think that if it will make you feel good about yourself then do it. I don't tell people in my family, but I would love to have a lift and a tummy tuck.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

I'm of the opinion that if it makes you feel good, do it. However, being healthy is a lifestyle choice. Lipo is a quick fix, but make sure that you can maintain the results afterward. Otherwise it's a lot process for nothing.

T said...

okay - my vanity is getting the better of me... I'm really not talking about taking off TONS of anything with lipo - honestly - a little scrape and a skin reduction is what I need. Well, and returning the girls to their past glory too... I NEED that :)

sorry - I just had this vision of everyone reading this and envisioning me... well, bigger... and even though this is fairly anonymous, I can't stand being bigger even in your brains :)

Mr. Anonymous said...


That's great you were able to lose 30+ lbs. two summers ago. I don't see any problems with getting cosmetic surgery if it is for the right reasons, like the others have commented on. As you have said you have at least 3 years before you could afford any kind of surgery, therefore you would try the exercise route.

If I may make a recommendation or two. In these next three years, you can show to yourself that you can lose some weight and keep it off, this will be especially good if you want a tummy tuck or some lipo suction in those pesky areas that is hard to get rid of.

Losing weight: The slower you lose weight the more likely you are to keep it off. I know its not what we want to hear, we like to see it melt away instantly. One of the best ways to lose weight is simply calorie control. The problem is sometimes we limit our calorie intake to drastically and our body goes into starvation mode, and starts to store fat, instead of losing fat. We still lose weight because our body then breaks down our lean muscle mass to make energy. We now look skinner, but we have a higher fat percentage and less muscle mass then when we started. This also slows our metablism down as well, so when we start eating more regularly we have a slower metablism, that converts more of our food to fat, because we don't need as many calories for energy. It's a snow ball effect, that causes alot of the yo-yoing of these diets.

If you are going to diet you need to know what your Basil Metabolic Rate is. Your BMR is how many calories your body burns in a day to maintain itself. There are other factors as well such as are you sedentary or an athlete or somewhere inbetween, these all affect your BMR. For simplistic sake we will stay with a sedentary BMR.

It takes 3500 calories to make 1 lb of fat. The inverse is true you have to burn 3500 calories to lose 1 lb of fat.

What can we do with this information, lets say you were an average 35 year old female that was 5'6" tall and weighed 200lbs. your sedentary BMR would be approximately 2003 calories. If you consumed 2003 calories a day you would not gain, nor lose any weight. One of the best recommended ways to lower your calorie intact is to decrease your BMR by just 20%. That means if you want to lose weight do not eat more than 1600 calories in a day. At this rate you would lose 1 lb every 8.75 days. Alot of the "diets" out there tell woman to lower ther caloric intact to 1000 or 1200 calories/day. This is too much and may cause your body to go into starvation mode, I already outlined what happens then. When it comes to eating, try to eat smaller portions more often. For instance eat 5x/day instead of 3x/day, but make sure they are smaller portions, or we could take in more calories then we burn and pack on the weight.

to be continued...

Mr. Anonymous said...

Another way of losing weight is exercise. If we have a BMR of 2003and we eat 2003 calories, then we need to exercise to burn the calories off we need to lose weight. Using our same sample female, if she walked 30 minutes a day and 30 minutes of low impact aerobics she would burn 377 calories a day. We could do a combination of only eating 1800 calories a day and doing 30 minutes of low impact aerobics to burn another 227 calories to reach our target of around 1600 calories per day.

Remember when you start to exercise, you will add on muscle mass. Muscle weighs more than fat and burns more calories. So don't get discourage if you stand on a scale and you didn't lose a pound. Actually, you may have put on more muscle that weighs more and still lose fat. When your body adds muscle its BMR will go up, you will need to recalculate what that will be. Your BMR may go up to 2200 and your daily caloric intake then should be around 1660.

If you want to increase your metabolism then focus on the larger muscle groups of the body, ie. The thighs, abs, pectoralis muscles (chest), biceps and triceps. These are larger muscles easier to build up, the bigger they get, the more energy they consume. Just remember to adjust your caloric intake as well, for healthy weight loss or weight maintenace.

I would also recommend staying away from ALL soda's. That includes ALL soda's, even the diet drinks. Fast food is also a no, no.

As always see your family physician before undergoing any diet or exercise program.

I am just saying,

Mr Anonymous

T said...


I'm 4'11" - 37 - and about 130 pounds (slightly above acceptable - but I learned that I can't maintain anything under 125 without keeping caloric intake under 1500... which is not feasible for the next 50 years) I need to lose a few pounds - but I'm not considering surgery for the pound issues anyway... pretty sure my 3 years of savings is plenty of time to take off a few, as long as I don't put on weight!

I have been walking about 3 miles a day (can't really run - medical issues with my joints!) and NEED to increase workouts - especially getting back to my ab workout...

T.M.I. ? yeah, sorry...

but that said - thanks for your input... I'm going to start socking away a few dollars every month so that when "someday" comes I can do it without mortgaging the farm :)

BeautifulWreck said...

I've been dieting and exercising for the last year. Have lost 50lbs. Things look way worse than they did 50lbs ago. I'm not lying either. Thank God for spanx and wonder bras.

I do plan on having a tummy tuck (four csections) and a boob job (breastfeeding five kids, I don't care what anyone says, the girls are not the same) Mr. K he says I don't need surgery. Whateva. I have some more weight to lose and then I am getting a mommy makeover.

Mr. Anonymous said...


That was good information to share, your weight range for someone you height is 92-123 lbs. Your sedentary RMR ((resting metabolic rate) RMR is more accurate, just BMR is what people are more familar with) 1416 Calories.

You can take the information I gave earlier and apply it, to help you lose a few extra pounds and then maintain your weight.

I wouldn't lose more than a few more pounds though.

I am just saying,

Mr Anonymous

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Okay T. Girl I feel ya! I am right there with u and i'll b the friend that does it with u... The extra skin is Sooooo annoying...and there is no exercising that off.none.period!

But I do love to work out...and so really right now surgery or some outside form of help is the only way for me. And I definitely am doing something with my "sisters" when I've saved the money! So us exercise is awesome and a great stress release but it doesn't make the pregnancy stretch marks go away... :(

Mr. Anonymous r u a trainer? And if u r do u live near me...and if u do... How much do u charge?

Mr. Anonymous said...


I will neither confirm nor deny any of the occupations that has been asked of me. I do live in the Continental U.S. though, if that helps.

I am just saying,

Mr Anonymous

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Oh great that narrows it down... Thanks ur such a help!

I think we should start a mommy makeover charity... Not even kidding! Okay I am kidding, unless someone actually does it then I nominate me the guinea pig cause I'm selfless like that!

T said...

if Mr. A turns out to be a trainer - and nearer than "continental US" indicates... looks like he has a few new clients!

thanks for the info... I WAS down in that lovely range when I first lost my weight... I guess I need to practice that maintenance part of the equation a little more strictly this time around - because YoYo dieting REALLY isn't the way to go!

H.K. said...

I agree with Susan, I think that if plastic surgery is going to make you feel better than go for it. But, you also need to do a lifestyle makeover too and have exercising and eating right as part of your daily regimen.

Right now I'm seriously considering a tummy tuck, just waiting for a discount special! (LOL!)

IWA (e - va) said...

Haha! love the post!

One of my girlfriends just got her GIRLS fixed and they look awesome! If i had the money.. i'd do it!