Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Who is this Woman and How Do I Kill Her?

Oh boy. Already I question the "class" of my word choice within today's post title. But hey, life is really rounding some tough turns these days, and quickly my care about what anyone thinks around my writing and whether it's appropriate or not dissolves. Poof.


Have you ever had a time in your life when things just seemed to be spinning out of control? I mean, to the point where you literally talk to your own self, saying repeatedly "WHO IS THIS PERSON?"

That's the week I've had. And of course, with good reason. Yet at the same time, I've knowingly yet without intention have turned all my anger and stress towards my husband. And I feel terrible about it.

I've apologized. I've gotten mad when simply asked by him "Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" I've went quiet for periods of time. I've snipped at him for things I would never normally do. And it's like I'm looking from the outside in, at this woman who is totally not herself.

This is an example of the abuse of strength in communication and respect within marriage. I made my plea and have apologized immensely. I've even taken steps to rectify the situation. All in all, we live fortunate lives. Yet, sometimes, like this week, things and decisions and life-changing moments can cause us to either separate from those we love, or present the opportunity for us to learn from those moments, and cause an even stronger bond of intimacy and closeness. I hope we've managed to do the second.

In the meantime, if I can offer one ounce of advice, it would be the following:

Don't EVER take on a new job that requires weeks away from home across the country while at the same time buying a new home and selling your own home within 7 days at full price with no contingencies which is great at first but then allows you absolutely no way to back out of the deal which is exactly what you'd want to do when you unexpectedly find out that the inspection on the home you're buying came back with major issues including electrical fire hazards and gas leaks that could cost up to $10,000 which the seller refuses to fix and you've realized that you may be homeless because the ruthless real estate agent who was supposedly your dear friend has too much money on the line to now ensure "all things work out" as she has also already sold the house of the people buying your own.

Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep Breath.

I'm opening the wine early tonight. And to my dear beloved husband and to any other man out there that must tolerate the behavior us woman bestow upon all of you at some point or another:

God Bless You.

And I am sincerely sorry.


Blogging Mama Andrea said...

You've been channeling me haven't you? I could easily have written this post! I'm about to be homeless in a matter of 17 days and it's making me freak the heck out. My poor Hubby thinks I've lost my mind and is really doubting my ability to live alone with the kids (and keep them alive) for the next five months.

Can I have some of that wine you've got? I can bring my own glass if you prefer ;)

CaJoh said...

I think we all tend to get a bit edgy when things get stressful. I am always questioning who I am when those frustrating situations occur and I just snap unexpectedly at the stupidest things.

On the bright side— my wife and I ask ourselves "who ARE you" then proceed to tilt our heads to one side as if we are in bed together and proclaim "oh yea, it's you"

Cameron said...

My advice....become homeless. Sell your old place, dump everything in storage and get a temporary apartment. Pull out of the buying of the new house and look for something else. We've done it before, it's an inconvenience but it's not that horrible. Oh, and if you pack everything up into one of those PODS, you don't have to move twice, they'll just take your stuff away and store it until you get permanently settled in. It costs more than storage but so worth it.

T said...

I'll second Cameron's advice - much better to have temporary discomfort than OWN the discomfort!!!

take deep breaths, fluff your aura, drown your sorrows - and then come back here for a good laugh later :)

Susan said...

You all are sweet. And Andrea, yes...I have ample supply of wine I can provide at any time for you. I can't imagine being in your shoes.

I love the quote from CaJoh around asking one another "Who ARE you?"... just another simple way to make each other smile or laugh unexpectedly...

Cameron and T... thanks for the advice. We love the new home opportunity because there is so much potential - our hearts are sold - it's just I hate the pressure and surprises that come when time is crunched and you feel you are being rushed in making decisions vs. waiting it out and negotiating possibilities... (ie, more money from seller!)...

To be continued...

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

OH MY GOSH SUSAN!!! You have definitely taken on a load. But I can tell from your personality that even though you are stressed, you and your hubby probably find time to laugh about it.

I think we tend to ALL get that way once in a while... but if and when it all calms down you won't know what to do with yourself!

NO REALLy though... good luck with it all... you and ANDREA are taking on A LOT right now!

When we were shopping for a house in the old area where we use to live, we found the PERFECT house on the BEST street and were already to offer on it and go through with it all... after we had someone we trusted go through it and point out some major flaw and things that were going to cost us A LOT in the long haul, we ended up not doing it... hardest thing EVER it seemed at the time!

Missty said...

WOW!! Breath girl! Stressful days ahead. But when its all said and done you will be loving life. Hang in there.

searchingwithin said...

I've been "that" woman before. Didn't want to kill her, just had no desire to know her, or especially be her. She was a complete stranger to me, I did not want to know. I was going through menopause though, so thank god she went away. phew!!!

P.S. Hang in there, and

Best Wishes