Monday, June 8, 2009

What do you consider private?

Do you share the same email account with your significant other? 

Do they read your blog? 

My husband reads my other blog and this one and he’s on facebook. 

So basically he could keep tabs on me if he were so inclined.  As far as I know he doesn’t.  We don’t share an email account but I know some people do.  I couldn’t be comfortable with that.  It’s not a trust thing for me, I’m not doing anything wrong and neither is he, but I wouldn’t want him reading my email.  It’s personal.

Am I the only one that feels like that little bit of separation is welcome? 

I’m always scribbling my thoughts in a notebook and I generally just leave it on my desk.  Sometimes I leave them open.  They aren’t diary entries more often they are parts of whatever story I am working.  I know that if my husband picked them up and started reading them I would feel strange about it though.  Until it’s published it still feels like it’s private.

How much do you share? Would it bother you if someone read your personal mail?

What sort of things do you think of as private?

Venus and Mars

20 comments:

G in Berlin said...

Hi Andrea-
We have separate e-mail accounts, and I would never expect my husband to enter mine. Although when I haven't had access to e-mail, I have given him the password and he has given me needed info. I guess it's like a purse or a diary- if a loved one intrudes, it's a sign of deeper issues and would be a real warning sign to me. (I also have had the pword to his, but forgot it immediately- I would never dream of looking in his account. If I did, there would be serious problems in our relationship.) Doesn't everyone feel this way?

SciFi Dad said...

My wife and I maintain separate email accounts simply out of necessity. We both have a large online presence between blogs and friends who are primarily email-only, and sharing one account would be cumbersome if not impossible. However, we both know each other's passwords (I made liberal use of this when planning a surprise party for her a few years back), and write with the knowledge that the other could be reading at any time.

As I mentioned, we both blog, and we both read each others, if only to call the other out on exaggeration (OK, so maybe she does that and I'm just the supportive husband, but who's counting?)

All that being said, we do typically maintain separation online (blog chastising aside). While I can read her email (and she mine), I don't (and, to my knowledge, she doesn't). We operate on a need-to-know basis, as in, if it's important enough, it doesn't matter how "private" or "secret" the information is, we tell each other. (So in other words, all my wife's friends who tell her stuff in confidence? Yeah, I know all your dirty laundry.)

Casey said...

My parents share an email address so I never know who I'm sending things to but they don't seem to mind.

We have all of our emails separate but stored passwords on all of our computers. We don't check each other's mail but I wouldn't mind if my husband checked it. I leave it open most of the time anyway.

Shirley said...

My husband and I have our own email accounts. I don't want to get all his ads for golf stuff...and I'm sure he's not interested in my mail either. If I think he'll care about something, I forward it to him or read it to him when he gets home. We don't have each other's passwords, but I guess I could read his saved mail if I wanted. I don't, and I trust that he doesn't want to read mine.

Cookie Crums said...

HI! The Hubby and I have different email accounts. He uses his for some work stuff. While I have two different ones for personal and work. I can't imagine having the same one. He knows my password to my personal one and I know his. We don't check each others' account unless the other is sitting there and is asked specifically to.

My in-laws share an account. IT drives me crazy!! If I send an email, I don't know who's going to get it. As for my blog, my husband doesn't read it. He will once in a blue moon but mostly he just doens't think about it. I told him he needs to read it more b/c I talk about him some! :)

Speaking of sharing? Does everyone have a joint banking acct or individual ones? THat would be a good topic for one of you guys to discuss.

Emily (Good Frau) said...

We have separate accounts, but we have access to each other's. Not so we can check up on each other, though. We just do. We both leave our e-mail open all the time. We don't have any rules about it, but I guess we only look at each other's accounts when we need something. I don't know. I guess it's a non-issue at our house.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

We have separate Email accounts but not separate accounts for our money.

Email is personal, but he also has my passwords and could basically access it anytime.

he just doesn't... and I don't on his.

But you are right, there is just some things that you want to feel like are private even though if they wanted to they COULD delve in and read everything...

Great question!

Cookie Crums... you want to write a Guest Post??? We would love that! Let us know!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

G - I feel the same way. I wouldn't mind giving him the password if I needed something and he's posted into my blog before for me when I couldn't get in. But if he went in behind my back that would upset me.

SciFi - I do write my blog understanding that not only does he read it but also my mil, his aunt and who knows how many others from his family? I do censor because of that. He no longer keeps a blog now that he's not traveling, he just tells me everything. he can't keep a secret :)

Casey - My parents share an account and it makes it hard if I just want to send something silly to my mom. Sometimes my dad even forgets to tell her I wrote. We have separate computer accounts on my Mac but he mostly uses his work laptop so it's not a big deal.

Shirley - I'm with you, I really don't want to know what jokes some of his more ribald friends send him. Lol!

Cookie - I second Shelle - I would love to hear your thoughts! Email us (addresses are in the sidebar) if you want to guest post! My hub always reads my blog. I don't mind too much but sometimes there are days where I maybe complain that I rather he didn't read it!

Emily - I don't leave my email open unless I'm at the computer. He could read it and there's nothing that needs to be hidden but I do go back and forth with girlfriends and I know they wouldn't appreciate him reading it.

Shelle - We have separate emails (we each actually have several for work and personal stuff) I would not think to read his, I believe that would violate his privacy. Vice versa if he read mine. We don't have separate bank accounts; primarily cause I'm not bringing in money at the moment :)

CaJoh said...

I try to keep things as open as possible with my wife. In fact, I am trying to be more inclusive with her all the time. Many times when I write a post with her in it I try to run it by her first so that she knows what it's all about.

I know that she is more than welcome to read all that I post, but she probably doesn't check all that often (probably because she has other things she looks at).

T said...

hmmm... we have separate and shared e-mail accounts - just out of necessity really, because I get sick of wading through his business e-mail and he gets sick of the blog comment e-mail... but family stuff all goes to the same inbox :)

He reads my other two blogs - but as yet hasn't shown up here...

Our money is all together - of course, since I don't work currently that just makes sense...

I'd probably be annoyed if he were reading my "notes" that I jot in a notebook... there's nothing private there, but it's disjointed and flighty - so I'd be embarrassed more than annoyed :)

I guess we don't have many secrets from each other - we're just boring that way!

Mark said...

A little privacy in a relationship is a good thing. I don't want another person to go through my mail or my e-mail. Nothing to hide, just want and need some space that is mine.

Missty said...

We have seperate email accounts. I don't know his password, and I don't think he knows mine. I joke that if I died,none of my online friends would even know what happened, as he wouldn't even know where to tell someone.

I think he reads my blog occasionally.

kyooty said...

We have different emails, lots of different emails. :) We've been doing email since 1993 and it was seperate then so it's seperate now. Id have to have to weed through both our spam. LOL

Anonymous said...

We each have our own emails. We have a joint money account and then each of us have a small acocunt for our own spending.

SS

Bex said...

i am a stay at home mom so we have shared money accounts -which just simplifies everything since he makes the money and i spend it! ;-)

we have separate email accounts but like casey, mine is open all the time.

my hubs isn't super interested in details. not just details about me but details about anything. so i doubt he would look into my notebook or folders anywhere on my computer. he doesn't read my blog, for instance, bc it has details. he just wants the bottom line. we are soooo opposite.

Southern Sage said...

not no but hellllllllllllll no!
not only do we not have a joint email she doesnt even know about my mail mail account at all!

We have 4 diff. checking accounts 1 joint one.

Just a note, I could care less about being able to get into her mail acct!

Daddy Geek Boy said...

We have our own email accounts. In addition to a joint checking account, we also have separate checking accounts and she has a solo credit card.

She reads my blog and my guest posts. Though she doesn't follow my Twitter feed, I consider anything I write on line public.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Cajoh -Being open is great. I don't really write about my spouse (as in a full post) so I don't have to worry about offending him.

T - We keep our family stuff separated, his family emails him and mine email me :) I don't know that he's read my notebooks but he could (and I do tell him it's okay even though it would be weird).

Mark - I agree. I was really interested in what others thought about this!

Missty - lol, I've often thought the same thing. What if I died? how would anyone know?

Kyooty - Multiple emails keeps the world going round!

Anon - I hope once I start selling some more of my stuff to have my own account for fun things, like vacation fund money.

Bex - Yep, he makes it I spend it :)

Southern - You're reaction is so strong it made me laugh. Privacy, even though no one is doing anything wrong, is always a good thing to me.

Daddy Geek - I agree if it's online, it is public, which is why I censor myself sometimes ;)

ModernMom said...

We each have our own e-mail accounts but I know his password and he knows mine. No need to keep it a secret.
As far as bank accounts. Everything is shared. He works outside the home, me at home..we both agree my job is much harder then his!!

Melinda said...

Well, I guess I'm the odd one of the bunch, because my husband and I share our email account. We both have other accounts as well, but the main one we share. I know if an e-mail is mine or his and so does he, he doesn't open mine, but I open his. Only because he never checks it himself. We have nothing to hide, what does he have that would need to be "private" from me?

WE BELONG